Author: itsjustnoteasy

Hi, I am a 50 something stay at home mother, grandmother and daughter of elderly (ish) parents. I do however, volunteer twice a week in a charity shop, mind grand children on occasion and of course do any other running around required by extended family. Prior to being a stay at home mum, I have worked at many different jobs, changed career a few times and gathered lots of stories along the way, which I hope you will enjoy as we begin our new relationship. I hope I will be able to entertain, engage and enlighten you, if only a small bit. Life is short, so lets have some fun. Looking forward to getting up and running (metaphorically speaking of course) as I have no intention of running anywhere! Perish the thought!! Thanks for stopping by, Carrie x

Daily Prompt: Invisible

via Daily Prompt: Invisible

SAM_2911

It’s nice in there amongst the trees, a little hideout,
I am at ease
Walking alone feels easy to do, there in my mind
adventures new
Leaves are falling and swirling down, leaving their safety
they hit the ground
Little droplets ebb away, finding a new place to stay
where do they go, what do they do, all the things
which start anew?
Some sink deeper and nourish and feed
grow they must with their new given seed
Invisible process, and close encounters, something sparks
enlightens the doubters
powerful thoughts, you have no control, such is the urge
to sink in the hole
deeper and deeper, not a care in your head
no one will know, until you are dead
that will show them, how invisible you were
too little, too late, no comfort to her

© carrie sherbourne and Relay shun sips – itsjustnoteasy.com Blog, 2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Carrie sherbourne and itsjustnoteasy.com Blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

I ran…..

I thought of you when I read this quote from “Home” by Carrie Sherbourne –

“Slowly and carefully, I opened the door and in my bare feet ran, I ran as fast as I could and I daren’t look back. I ran down the next street, my dressing gown flying open. Two drunks were coming out of the pub on the corner, they must have thought they saw a ghost. I kept on running until I found a phone box on the main road. Damn the bloody thing was broken. I picked up the receiver and nothing, not a bloody sound. Shit I need to get out of here. I ran again further up the road then down another side road, terrified, crying, sobbing my heart pounding, running and looking back over my shoulder to see if he was behind me. I wasn’t thinking straight I just kept running until I saw a light in a house.”

Start reading this book for free: http://amzn.eu/2TifDTl

A time to climb

when things go wrong and it doesn’t feel right, though it is hard to go, it often harder to stay.

I heard a story today about a man who turned into work and, out of nowhere, walked up to his boss and told him that he was quitting, with immediate effect. It made me smile. My first thought was that he was brave and knew what he wanted and was ‘going for it’. My next thought was that he was having some sort of a break down, couldn’t take it any more, and just gave up, quit.

Either way it was a bold move and one I can relate to. It reminded me of when I was 19 years old. I was engaged and working in a job, that was really a dead end job, good money but little prospects or even challenging. I was also living in a country that I was not born in and missed my ‘home’. It was a sunny day and I was in the canteen and said to my work colleague how I missed my hometown. (I had left it 5 years previous to move to Ireland with my parents). ‘I’m sick of hearing you saying that, why don’t you just go back’ she said to me abruptly, but in a friendly, inquisitive way. She was probably the age I am now – a 50 something. I starred at her for a moment, my life flashed in front of me, and I said ‘You are right, why don’t I?’ I smiled and realised, apart from my family, there was nothing keeping me here. I had just turned 19, I had my whole life ahead of me. ‘I’m going to hand my notice in’ I laughed and quickly exited the canteen to the managers office and duly handed in 2 weeks notice. It felt magical, wonderful, exhilarating.

I told my mum that I would leave in a month’s time, so that I could finish my notice and and 2 weeks at home with her and the family before I sailed to my new life – the unknown.

The thing is, yes it was scary as well as exciting but the alternative of staying, was even scarier. I was in an abusive relationship and didn’t tell anyone. I felt too ashamed. I felt weak. It did not suit me to be weak, I didn’t like how it made me feel. To stop feeling that way, I had to do something. I had to make the change. Staring into the unknown, heading over to no job, no home no family was better than staying where all those things were.

This was the place, this unknown future, of where I would grow, of where I would learn, where I would fall and where I would climb back up again, to where I knew it ‘felt’ right.

I had never really known what I wanted to’be’ but I knew what I did not want to ‘be’ and in that knowing, it made me strong, it made me cope, it made me resilient and made me keep moving on and moving up out of where I did not want to be.

It wasn’t all easy and it certainly wasn’t all plain sailing, but it was real, it was honest and it was my driving force and it was my peace of mind. Quitting can be a great thing, in that you just quit one life to get the life you really want, need or deserve.

Since that time, at age 19, I have quit many situations, because it was the right thing to do, even though they were difficult.

I say fair play to that man, and I wish him the best in all that he does and I hope he finds the new life that he is seeking. In his quitting there will be a new beginning.

Daily Prompt: Provoke

a reaction, a response, a thought, a feeling, doing, not doing, saying, not saying, looking, not seeing….

via Daily Prompt: Provoke

Words, they are but letters arranged in a certain way
Sometimes they make complete sense, some, they blow us away.
What is their meaning; well, context, dictates
Even then, there can be mistakes.
How we interpret, sometimes is absurd
what impact is made, by the simple word?
Left on their own a danger ensues, from nothing, to everything
they hurt or amuse
Coupled together, with an action or deed
achievement of something, you will succeed.
Whether to think it or do it,feel it or not
No thing, is something, it leaves it’s blot
on the mind or the heart, the body or page
fills us with sadness, harmony or rage
Words they are a powerful tool
Use them wisely, don’t be a fool
Once they are said, they are hard to revoke
be careful of the beast, you’re about to provoke
when all the words and said and done
they’ll make an explosion, like a loaded gun!

Betrayal

href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/noise/”>Noise</a

Torn, the whirling swirling to the bottomless pit of hell

The worst nightmare, a horror, I hear the sound of the bell

Its time I know, my mouth bites shut

Images I see, my soul is cut

Inside, the wound like a gaping hole

What must I do, but perform my role

An explosion of thoughts inside my head

A familiar noise I have come to dread

Remove I must, and speak the truth

I see the marks, I have the proof

I hear you scream to be left alone

But no, you cannot stay at home

It is ‘your normal’ , that I know

There is no choice, you have to go

I only hope that you will see

This was the only choice for me

Nowhere

href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/grasp/”>Grasp</a>

A new beginning, a brand new start

New adventures, a happy heart

Where will it lead, I do not know

I only hope it helps me grow

Staying still for me, just seems so dull

I like to live life to the full

Potential is a funny word

To some it may seem absurd

But there it lies, within us all

Sometimes waiting for the call

Don’t be afraid to take new steps

To pastures new, have no regrets

Cos if you stay still, you can get stuck

Thinking of steps you never took

When chances come, grasp with both hands

Jump into the place, where opportunity lands

Where it will lead is anyone’s guess

I think it’s exciting, I must confess

It can also be scary, how you view the glass

But if you do nothing, you’ll get nowhere, fast

Whether half empty or indeed half full

One thing’s for certain, life will never be dull

So go and test the potential within

At the end of the day, you just might win !

The Essence of Love

via Daily Prompt: Captivating

I watched in wonderment, the brilliance of your performance

so captivating, mesmerising, illuminating

Nothing moved me like that before, not even once

my soul, it flickered and shuddered, so agitating

it bounced and vibrated, it felt so elated

I could hardly contain my will, to be still

the kicking and waving, boom boom, boom boom

the essence of love, filled the room

life took new meaning like nothing on earth

do you even know, the depth of your worth?

oh yes how you danced, so serene yet wild

the beauty of life, my growing child

In awe I was at the sight on the screen

enlightening and brightening, my new beauty queen

bewitched, bedazzled and so fascinating

an audience with you, so captivating

six months from now, you’ll be in my arms

I’ll love you, protect you from all kinds of harm

the miracle of nature, I truly am blessed

time for me now to ‘feather the nest’

A day to celebrate, ponder, reflect?

For some, mothers day is a day to celebrate and is anticipated with great excitement, for others, it may be a different story

I first became a mother (almost) 29 years ago and I remember being so excited and proud on my very first mother’s day. I also happened to have be born on mother’s day, and was a great source of joy to my own parents, having been preceded by two boys, my wonderful brothers. I remember us being excited when we were young and cheerfully doing our best in ensuring she ‘take it easy’ and we would make her breakfast in bed. This often entailed making a right mess in the process, but our intentions were good.

I remember my own children bringing me the same wonders, such as burnt toast, cold tea and a bunch of wonderful smiles to go with their gifts of flowers, chocolates and one time in particular I remember receiving ‘an umbrella’. I gave my husband and a confused glance. He duly explained that when he got to the supermarket the flowers were all gone, and with what money he had in his pocket, he had enough for an umbrella, as they were on offer! Strange gift, but it did of course come in useful with our very showery weather.

The purpose of the day is to celebrate and spend some time, by way of saying thank you and I love you and without you, I wouldn’t be here. It is a gesture of appreciation. Of course, it is not always possible to spend time, as children often do not live near their mothers, once they are grown up and have families of their own, so a card or a phone call or gift will be received to acknowledge the day.

For some, it may be a time to ponder. Some mothers do not have their children living with them. Some children may have ‘lost’ their mother and vice versa. I have two children, who on mothers day, buy me gifts and cards and wish me happy mothers day, but I am not their real mum, I am their foster mum. On this day, I always wonder how they must feel. It must be a significant reminder to them and they must wonder about their ‘real’ mum. My heart always breaks a little bit more for them on mothers day and other children in the same position. I wonder about her too, does she think about them on this day? Does she realise what beautiful children they are, how good and well adjusted they are. Sure we have our moments like any parent and child, but does she know what she is missing out on?

Some people would give anything, to be a mother. Sometimes mother nature can be cruel and it just doesn’t happen for some people, through no fault of their own. So I guess, as much as Mothers Day, is a day to acknowledge and celebrate it is also a day that can be a sad reminder, for some.

For my own children and my own mother, I think it is a time to reflect on my position, my role, as I am indeed both a daughter and a mother. Do I deserve to be celebrated? Do I celebrate my mother enough for all her hard work, love and dedication to me over the years? All I can say is that I have endeavoured to be both, a good daughter and a good mother. There have been times that I will have got it wrong, but always for the right reasons. My intentions will have always been good ones and in my failures as both daughter and mother, I always endeavour to be better and continue to try my best, not just on mothers day, but everyday.

For my husband, the year he bought me an umbrella. I returned the favour on Father’s day by buying him a watering can, just so I could stand under my umbrella, while he poured some water over it…… it had been a particularly dry year!!!

Tangled Minds

Uncompromising

What a joke, I hear you boke

it serves ryou right, sir, can I call you that?

your follies and and frolics, misguided? maybe – I think not

calculated and planned, by your own evil hand, you fall and beg for cover

not a thought, or beat, in your stone of a heart, who sir, can recover?

Clear it is, as clear as mud the tangled minds of many

strive as they may, to get through the day

One step, then another, a smile, a frown, some will fall down

the dirt, the mire, the bottomless pit of depravity, and desire

for all that you bring, and all that you are, sir,

uncompromising abomination for the day of your creation

vomit you must, the lies and mistrust

a penance to pay – on reckoning day

hearts will sing, when the toll rings and brings the beast to bare,

afraid? not? fear now, it’s all you’ve got, so cling with clenched fists

pray for your wits

praise too, the survivors, their baffling courage, never compromised!

International Women’s Day

celebrating women’s achievements……. Acknowledging and aspiring to effect gender equality?

Today, all over the world women are celebrating ‘International Women’s day’. It has only been 109 years, since the first one, and at that time it was for better pay and voting rights, more parity with the men of this world. Indeed there are many many women, celebrating and protesting all over the world about many inequalities or injustices that are still going on.

I, for one, thank god that I was born on this side of the world (in the west), rather than being born in the East. Not that injustices only happen in the Eastern part of the world, but the fact that you are born female there, can definitely have a severe disadvantage and detriment to rights and equality, more so than just equal pay.

I am not going to go through individual cases or scenarios of what ‘women, girls, females’ have to ‘put up with’. We all know, too well the injustices and fights that we have to endure because of the fact that we are indeed ‘female’.

In a previous blog I have spoken about Emmeline Pankhurst and her movement, the Suffragettes, Vera Twomey and her quest as a mother to fight for the right for her child to have medicinal cannabis, to reduce her seizures and enhance her quality of life. There are many great women whom I admire for their sheer determination to overcome the injustices and powers of men. What about Malalal Yousafzai, the courage that girl had, to fight for the rights of girls to have an education. Edith Eger, an Auschwitz survivor who held on to the words her mother had said to her, minutes prior to their separation, ‘They can never take what is in your mind’. She chose to use her ‘mind’ to escape from the horrors she was subjected to.

Joan of Arc, a crusader, a woman who was key in turning the tide in the 100 years war and was later canonized as a saint. Mother Theresa, Erin Brokovich, , Rosa Parks, to name but a few more – strong women who despite adversity, effected change.

I am a mother, and have been to a total of 14 children (biological and non biological). Some of them were with me for a short time, others a much longer time. I have been consistently parenting 5 girls for the past 28 years to the present day. My message to them, and my parenting to them, has been to try to make them strong independent women. Why? Because they have to leave home and go into the world and stand on their own two feet. They have to form relationships, outside of the home, whether it is at school or at work. They will meet partners and may be become mothers themselves (2 already have). They will face challenges, up’s, down’s and injustices along the way and when they do, I want them to be able to face their challenge, to deal with it and to move on from it, whatever it may be. I also want them to be able to stand up for them selves and for others who are been treated unjustly. I want them to have a good sense of self and a good sense of right and wrong and fight for it and do whatever it takes, to make a difference. I want them to value themselves, to demonstrate and role model that value, that self worth to their own off spring or to others. Ultimately, I want them to be happy.

At the end of the day there is one thing women can do which men cannot and that is to carry a baby, and no matter what, that primal bond is unique and unbreakable. Yes we can love equally, care for a child equally, but whether the parenting is good, bad or indifferent, something more is created in the carrying of the child that only a mother can feel, but not adequately explain. We give birth to both male and female, and me personally, I want them to be equal, in their rights. No question about it and if they are being treated ‘differently’ I absolutely would want them to stand up and shout out and be proud of the fact that they are doing so. They need to Relay what they want, Shun and ship what they don’t…. It may not be easy, it may seem impossible, but nothing will be done if you do not try!

To all the females out there who are striving to achieve and to ‘do’, keep achieving and keep doing, because at the end of the day you are absolutely worth it!