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This is the post excerpt.

Hi, this is my first time blogging, well actually its my second. I started on a different site, but felt it wasn’t quite the right one, so here I am, beginning again with wordpress. Please be patient with me, it may take a while for me to get to grips with it. That is the thing about starting something new, it is both exciting, but also nerve wracking and can even be a little bit complicated. (I will seek professional advice….. I promise) but in the meantime, if you see stuff that shouldn’t be here (like instructions how to build the blog) remember, I’m a learner and have a bit of sympathy. Just think of a time when you had to start something new, like learning to drive a car. It’s kind of a bit like that for me now, trying to understand this format, but I will get there in the end. In the meantime, enjoy and have a great day!

post

Stop!

when life gets busy and you are dashing around sometimes you just have to stop….. if not you will be stopped when your body starts to gives up on you!

photo of head bust print artwork

Stop! Legs are aching

Heart is racing

Tummy is rumbling too

This way, that way

Dashing around

In just a minute, I’ll get to you

No sir, yes sir

I’ll do that

Click and tap

Now feed the cat

Washing in

Drying out

Plants needs watering

Where’s the spout?

Children playing

Some are crying

Some being born

Some are dying

Shopping time

Forgot the bread

Get the wine

Is what he said

Dinner party

Cocktail glasses

Fancy food

Some kiss asses

Tow the line

Keep it together

Manic time

It’s stormy weather

Inside, outside,

Head is crazy

Let me sleep

Amongst the daisies

Tired now

I’m fit to drop

Call the time

Let me Stop!

© carrie sherbourne and Relay shun sips – itsjustnoteasy.com Blog, 2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Carrie sherbourne and itsjustnoteasy.com Blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

Photo by meo on Pexels.com

Allow me

physical or emotional, pain is pain. How we manage it is our choice. Do we need or want to be fixed or do we want to discover, by ourselves and manage ourselves, to see who we are all by ourselves?

woman sleeping

I’m not getting dressed, I don’t feel well

I’ve got a pain and it hurts like hell

Allow me to be wrapped in this insatiable grief

I’ve been taken over by an invisible thief

The cause of the pain, I have no clue

but please stop telling me what to do

allow me to rest and get some relief

sometimes i’m thankful to the invisible thief

he takes me away from dreary demands

life is just quiet, no specific plans

let me just be and rest for a while

wandering and wondering, if ever I’ll smile

The invisible thief leaves symptoms behind

they pound like hell, in the daily grind

allow me to be, just leave me alone

I want to be here, I want to be home

no fuss or no drugs are what will save me

the cause alone will set me free

allow me to feel, remember and know

maybe then i’ll begin to grow

the invisible thief took my voice

but not my will, my hope, my choice

all that I do is mine to choose

some days I win, some days I loose

Allow me the courtesy to be in control

of my mind and my body, let me behold

all that is positive is a point of view

allow me my pain and I’ll allow you

Photo by Ivan Oboleninov on Pexels.com

What’s your trauma?

According to Dorothy, ‘there’s no place like home’. For me, that was true. I had to leave my home to go to another one when I was 14. I was still with my family but life as I knew it was now different and I didn’t like it very much. I wrote about that experience,and remembered it like it was yesterday.

Life is hard for a teenager anyway, it’s especially hard if a ‘trauma’ is added to the mix. I like to call it my trauma, because it changed me and opened my eyes.

I survived, of course, and ultimately became a strong independent woman. I have tried to instill that into my 5 daughters. I want them to be strong independent women and know what to accept and tolerate and when to walk away.

The relationships we have with our parents, our teachers, our siblings, our love interests and most importantly, ourselves will be mixed with the good the bad and the in-between.

As we grow and develop, as we face, fight or accept our challenges, our successes and our traumas, we begin to find out, what we are really capable of. What we can or cannot cope with. We discover how motivated and how resilient we are. We would hope that we can cope.

There will be times we may want to give up, give in or give out or cop out, but what we really need to do is push on, get up, move forward, one step at a time. One day at a time and keep learning, keep developing and keep building. If it feels scary, do it. If you think you can’t do it, stand back, take a breath and try anyway, you may just surprise yourself.

Each stage of life is fabulous, daunting, exciting, traumatic, hopeless and hopeful. The thing is to not give up, but to embrace each stage. Face and embrace each good, bad or traumatic event and learn from it. We, none of us have to be defined by an event or circumstance because in the end, we have a choice. A choice in how to deal and manage whatever is going on in our lives, by the way we view it and by the way we decide to proceed with it.

Home can be a place, a person or a feeling. For me, it’s a feeling of belonging, of fitting in and being accepted for who I am. Home is where there is a settled heart and a contented mind.

Relay what is important, shun what isn’t and ship out and set sail to something new when all seems hopeless. Seek and find your best relay- shun- ship as you go forward making relationships…..

When I look at you

What does Autism look like to you….What does normal look like to you. Here is what it looks like to me

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When I look at you what do I see

I see a boy, born to be free

Free from stares, or funny looks

Included in games or reading books

I see a boy, who plays alone

whether in school, or at his home

A boy who knows when to ask

even though, it can be quite a task

A boy born special, with words in his head

If only they’d come out of his mouth instead

A boy that is patient, handsome and kind

Yet all too often, we have to remind

those that don’t know you, or understand

non verbal is not the definition of you

There are many things that you can do

I see a boy, so clever and brave

inquisitive of mind, you don’t misbehave

I see a boy who gets frustrated and sad

Sometimes with the world you may feel mad

I see a boy who defies the odds

gets on with the challenge and carries the rods

I see the boy willing to learn

no matter the difficulty, knowledge you yearn

I see the boy watching and waiting

hoping the people will stop their berating

Not all people are born the same

I see the boy who will change the game

of life how we see it, being ‘normal’ and all

it depends on whether, you throw or catch the ball

Normal to you is to watch and observe

hoping someone will have the nerve

to stand beside you and see the boy

not the Autism, that’s just a decoy

Look beyond the stims and the unique ways

sit with him, make his day

I see the boy who doesn’t want to pretend

Like, you and I, he just wants a friend

Don’t be afraid to look inside

No need to ignore, walk away or hide

He is just a boy to be understood

His heart is full of all things good

He may be shy or a little afraid

but please don’t exclude him

ignorance is man made

I see a boy, who is often alone

like the heron waiting, yet he never moans

in silence he sits, amusing himself

The kindness you show him, is worth all the wealth

so please be ‘normal’ and show your good grace

it will be worth it, to see the smile on his face

What’s normal for you is different than mine

and kindness will win, time after time

for Joseph, with love……. (and everyone else on the spectrum)

Photo Authors own, taken by the River Slaney, Enniscorthy

want to break free ?

from early on we strive to build friendships, work, build networks and build a home, but during all this ‘building’, do we ever feel overwhelmed, overburdened, overshadowed and then feel the need to break free?

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We are conditioned by nature to seek out relationships. We are engineered by our environment as to the types of relationships we build, based on what and whom we are exposed to. Some of us are born to our families and remain with them all of our formative years and maintain good relationships when we flee the nest. Others do not get to stay with their family of origin but may still have some form of contact, or none whatsoever, depending on the circumstances and the circumstances can be many and varied. We are shaped by the people around us, parents, siblings, grandparents, teachers, friends. We learn from each other. We build and we adapt, depending on whom we are with and what we are doing. We often ‘go along with things’ so as not to stick out, be the odd one out, rock the boat. To keep the peace is often the easier option. We may surpress what we really feel and deny ourselves the opportunity to be honest and open. To do so could offend, incite an argument, evoke scrutiny that we may not wish to recall or simply we may think it is kinder to not be honest in certain situations. After all, we all have different tastes, ideas, ideals, opinions, beliefs and perspectives, and that is fine.

Sometimes though, it can all become too much. We are but one person. In order to survive we NEED others, we NEED relationships. We need to love and be loved, to feel value and give another person a sense of value. We need relationships on some level, for us to feel full and complete. This can lead us to feeling good, yet overwhelmed. As the saying goes, ‘we cannot please all of the people all of the time’. One person, whether a mother, a father, a brother, a sister, a grandparent, a child, we must ‘interact’. It is in the interacting with all of the people in our circle and indeed outside of our circle that can lead us to feeling overwhelmed, overburdened, overshadowed. We can deny ourselves so much and so often, that we don’t even realise that we are denying ourselves. It can become a way of life, a habit, and habits are easy to form yet difficult to break.

Like an animal, taken from the wild and placed in a zoo, it can adapt to his new surroundings. He will be fed, exposed to company, given somewhere to live, given the basic things needed to survive, but, will he be happy, all of the time or for that matter, any of the time. Yet he stays, no option but to stay, he is so tightly monitored and guarded that his existence is secured. He learns to adapt to his new way of life, but may still yearn for his former life, for his independence. His offspring born in this new habitat will no nothing of the wild as they would have been born to this habitat and will not know any different….. but what is their instinct. They may not know how to hunt, how to take care of themselves, how to survive in the wild, but perhaps they have a desire to find out. Perhaps they have a desire to break free, perhaps their instinct is engrained in their DNA.

We are the same. We were born into our surroundings, guided, nurtured, ensuring or needs were met. We conform to the rules of our environment and of our society. We built friendships, relationships, homes and families of our own. Some of it is easy, some of it is difficult, but still we strive. However, there comes a time, often more than once, that we may want to’ break free’. Not necessarily forever, maybe just for a day or a week or even a few hours. We need to break free for our sanity, for us to be us, the person we were born to be, not the person someone expects us to be. For a short time we need to take care of us, we need to take the time to be free, to recharge, re-energise, reflect and reconnect, if we so choose. We have to NOT deny ourselves of what we want or need. We need to practice self care, in order that we can fulfill and continue to be part of all the other relationships that we encounter and are party to. We need to go and find something, a place, a thing, a journey, whatever it takes, but we need to find our joy, our peace, our inner calm and ourselves. If that means you need to break free, then break free, just do it – you need to love and have a relationship with you!

Picture authors own taken at Fota Wildlife Park.

Retribution

It was all she could do these days, sit in the chair watching the world go by, surrounded by the same dreary four walls. Consumed with the constant gloomy thoughts, listening to the dulcet tones of the swish and squelch of the oxygen tank. The dank smell of putrid piss and shit hanging in the air, almost choking her, but what could she do about it? She scanned the room for an answer.

She knew it wouldn’t be long now, she would just have to surrender to it. Recalling and recoiling at the thought of the night when it all changed. It had begun like any other typical night, out walking the dog along the canal side, the moon covered in a blanket of mist. Nothing but the sounds of her footsteps and the panting of the dog at her side. Her reverie interrupted by the phone in her pocket breaking the otherwise peaceful stroll.

It had been years since she had spoken to her mother and she vowed she would never step foot in that house again. What she had done was unforgivable. Yet here she was now at the end of the phone, pleading and begging her to come.

As she watches her chest heaving in a convex and concave motion, mists of steam spouting at the base of her nostrils, she feels nothing but anger, fury and yes, pity. It’s the pity that fueld her intense rage. It’s time for retribution.

This piece was written for the first heat of the NYC Midnight Microfiction Challenge of 2019.
Genre: Drama . Action – walking a dog. Word: scanned.

Assholes and airheads

Assholes and airheads, they’re everywhere

One right beside you, on the chair

Laughing and giggling, messing around around

Behaving crazy, scandals abound

Fitting in, or sticking out

Eyebrows on, lips in a pout

Click, click, click strike a pose

Where it ends up, everyone knows

Not on the cover of a magazine, but in full view of every screen

Do some work, no,? Too much effort

Do charity work, and be treated like a leper !

Get some skills, they’ll do you good,

You can’t be bothetrd, but you know you should

Hang out with pals, come rain or shine

Home when you must, to tow the line

Up and down like a big rollercoaster

Who needs to cook, when you have a toaster?

Streets are littered with boys in hoods

Passing the packets, or stolen goods

Ask for some help, earn a few bob

Are you crazy or what, they dont want a job

Manners as good as a dog in a manger

This generation, the entitled teenager

Old fashioned, they say, that’s what we are

But assholes and airheads, a bridge too far

I want to put some sense in your head

Stop following a crowd that’s easily lead

Down dark alleys, and dangerous roads

Where it will lead, everyone knows

Anxiety, fear, the thrill of the chase

Will lead to something, you won’t want to face

Pull up your socks and knuckle down

Don’t be an asshole, like the rest of the clowns

If it doesn’t feel right, just walk away

Be proud not to be, an airhead today