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This is the post excerpt.

Hi, this is my first time blogging, well actually its my second.  I started on a different site, but felt it wasn’t quite the right one, so here I am, beginning again with wordpress.  Please be patient with me, it may take a while for me to get to grips with it.  That is the thing about starting something new, it is both exciting, but also nerve wracking and can even be a little bit complicated.    (I will seek professional advice….. I promise) but in the meantime, if you see stuff that shouldn’t be here (like instructions how to build the blog) remember, I’m a learner and have a bit of sympathy.  Just think of a time when you had to start something new, like learning to drive  a car.  It’s kind of a bit like that for me now, trying to understand this format, but I will get there in the end.  In the meantime, enjoy and have a great day!

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I’m 18 now…..

Who is controlling whom? Who is taking responsibility and who isn’t? It’s a difficult job being a parent and a teenager!

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

I’m 18 now….

Childhood is really fleeting; it only lasts for 18 years.  That is what we are told, according to the laws of our land. 

Once we reach 18, we can drink alcohol, smoke and buy cigarettes, vote and best of all earn our own living and live by our own rules……

In the country where I live you can legally have sex at 17, so technically you can get or get someone pregnant too. 

Not many 17 year olds have left home, have a full time job or are self-sufficient.

So where does the responsibility lay?  Whether pregnant or not once a person is 17 or 18 and still living at home, does that give them an instant right to live their life their way, under their parent’s roof?

At 18 the parent is still paying for the house that they all live in.  Is still going to the grocery store to buy the groceries.  Is still paying all the utilities.  The most important one, especially for the 18-year-old, is the electricity which is needed for the broadband which is needed for the 18 hours per day that they wish to spend on their phone, snapping, tick tocking or you tubing.

When I was 18 the only ‘snap’ I had heard of was a game of cards or if someone had worn or bought the exact same thing as me and we saw that in the real world when we bumped into each other, not in a virtual world where we may never have ever met, but are ‘best friends’.

Yes, call me old fashioned, if I were 18 I probably would too.  I would probably think that I am ancient because I have just turned 56…. practically one foot in the grave!  But I am not 18 and neither do I think that I am ancient.  I do think that I am a responsible parent though.

Having raised 5 girls, I can honestly say that the worst time raising them was during their teenage years.  They are sulky, moody, stroppy, self-indulgent, untidy, cheeky, and often very lazy. 

They are still my children and I  love them but I do not like what they morph in to during these testing years.

I have one left.  The other 4 have gone and are all living their own lives, with their own rules, in their own independent ways, some raising their own children and I say hallelujah, praise the lord and best of luck to them, for the world is a great place to be!

This last one, as lovely as she is, and she is lovely, has always pushed my buttons and tested my boundaries.  She is the ultimate social butterfly…. Or wants to be.

Covid 19 couldn’t have come at a worse time for her.  She was looking forward to turning 18, to finishing school, getting a tattoo, to going out with friends to pubs and night clubs, to flying off to Italy and be an au pair for the summer before college started in the Autumn.   Except, none of that happened except college did, sporadically, between online and on campus.

Now I understand her frustrations at all of that.  Covid 19 has not been a particularly welcome or pleasant experience for all of us.  It has been scary, frustrating, difficult and also for some, fatal. 

There have been some positives for people, getting more creative, re-evaluating their lives and changing direction etc. 

So what can we do with our 18 year olds that want to go against the rules, the Governments rules and hang out with their friends.  We have to say No, right.  That isn’t us being ‘controlling’, that is us being ‘responsible’ ‘conforming’ ‘adhering to the rules’. 

Friends are important, I know that and understand that.  I miss my friends too.  But, when my 18-year-old wanted to go and spend the Easter Break up where her digs are, where she attends college, and hang out with her friends, I put my foot down.  Why?

I couldn’t trust that they would social distance properly.  I couldn’t trust that she would become complacent and bring the dreaded virus home to us and then ultimately our other children and grandchildren.   But, not only that, I was actually hurt and disappointed that she did not want to spend the Easter break at home with her family.  That she felt she had no responsibility or even desire to be here. 

When she is here, she is like a lodger.  She comes out of her room for food and back she goes again on the phone.  She is constantly with her friends in the virtual world.  Is it wrong to want her to be a part of the real family in the real world?  To participate in family life for more than just meal times?  Am I wrong in thinking she has an addiction to her phone?

She does not work. She has a college grant. That pays for her lodgings when in college.  Yet, she wants to go hang out with friends over Easter ‘because she’s 18 now’.

Ok so let’s compare.  At 18 I was working full time.  At 18 I had a bedsit.  At 18 I did my own shopping.  At 18 I did my own cooking and laundry.  At 18 I had a boyfriend and went to the pub. At 18 I was totally independent and could live by my own rules.  At 18 if I went home and my boyfriend did I slept in my bedroom and he slept in my brother’s bedroom.  At 18, if I went home I abided by the rules of my mother’s house.  At 18 I called that being respectful and responsible.  At 18 I just knew, that is the way that it was.

I have been a strict parent.  I want my girls, all of them, to be strong independent women.  I want them to stand on their own two feet.  I want them to challenge things, including me but, when at 18, they are not ‘earning’ their own money, not doing their own shopping, cooking, cleaning, bill paying etc. etc. and live under my roof, is it too much to ask that they abide by my rules.

I have a rule that she goes to bed the same time as me.  I usually stay up ‘til midnight or after.  It has always been the way.  Unless they were out with boyfriends, clubbing it in which case they would just come home and go straight to bed.

This one cannot go clubbing it because of Covid, so the last thing I want is her up all night on her phone, leaving it charging, being a fire risk or keeping me awake with chitter chatter and burning lights all night.  She already can’t get up in the mornings.  We are lucky if we see her before lunch time. 

Yes, yes yes teenagers need more sleep, or so they say.  Go to bed earlier then, is what I say…

The point is, when does their ‘responsibility’ kick in.  To converse, to observe, to happily want to participate in family life.  To happily want to seek a job and work during the holidays and earn a few bob?

Has this generation gotten so bad that it actually thinks that they are just ‘entitled’ to do very little by way of being helpful or respectful, and expect to spend every waking moment with friends, either online or offline.

Do they all think they are just going to be the next big sensation on you tube or be the next big influencer in applying a shiny nose in a ‘trowel it on’ make up tutorial where everyone looks the same as a Bratz doll? 

I mean, come on people.  Surely you want more for yourself than that.  Something that you can achieve and be proud of based on your own judgment of yourself and your effort.  Surely you don’t really need the approval of ‘strangers’ in a world that you may never ever meet them.

If so, I ask of you to ask of yourself, why.  Why do you need that?   Why not put your phone down?  Talk to the people in front of you.  Take an interest in what is going on in your own home, in your own family and balance your life with real family and real friends. 

Your family cared for you, nurtured you, protected you, loved you, even when you were sometimes not very lovable. 

Your family are not asking you to forsake your friends or to forsake yourself.  They are saying the exact opposite.   Be happy in yourself, with your own approval.  Work hard, real work, where you can have a sense of achievement.  Ask, ‘is there something I can do for you’ and take some ‘responsibility’ for the lifestyle that you want to live. 

The Government are controlling all of us at the moment because of the Global Pandemic.  Yes it sucks, but in order to get rid of it, we must abide by the rules, don’t we?

If you want to live how you want, when you want, with whomever you want, then do it.  Get a job, get a flat, get the bills and all the paraphernalia that goes with independence.  It really is a fantastic thing.  I know I loved it when I was 18, standing on my own two feet, whilst also going home and spending time with my family.  Go on, just do it!

Turning 18 is not a licence to say, I will do what I want, whether you like it or not.  Turning 18 is about growing up.  Being a grown up means, taking responsibility and not just expecting to still keep ‘playing’ like you did when you were a child, then throwing dolly out of the pram when you don’t get your own way.  After all, you are 18 now!

the interview….

Interviews are never easy. We turn up looking smart and hope to give the best impression. They do, after all, make their mind up in the first 90 seconds, if we will cut the mustard….

Photo by Matheus Bertelli on Pexels.com

Ever been to an interview….. Remember how it felt. Nervous tension, butterflies in your tummy and sweaty palms perhaps. It’s daunting. But, you know you can do the job as laid out in the job description. You have the skills. They know what they are looking for in a person to fulfill the position, and they will scrutinise your resume and do some fault finding, before deciding whether or not you ‘have the job’

Did you ever take the job and then after a while, realise that it wasn’t actually for you. That you didn’t really feel welcomed by other members of staff or that you just didn’t like the way that they did things. Perhaps it just grated on you and wore you down. That it didn’t seem how it first appeared in your mind as to how it would be? The demands were more than you believed they would be and the sacrifice was ultimately too much, so you left.

We are lucky if we can do that, just hand in our notice and leave. Is it luck or is it that we are free? We are free to leave.

Remember as a child doing what your parents asked you to do. Eating what was put in front of you. Dressing in the clothes that your mother bought for you and conforming to all the rules of the house, until you became a teenager and perhaps rebelled a bit.

Did you always agree with your parents? I doubt it, I know I didn’t. Did you feel that you could have your say, particularly when you were now an adult child, and be heard, listened to and valued? Did your parents always welcome with open arms your friends or partners of choice? Or were there times that you felt let down by them so you perhaps agreed to disagree. You are after all, now an adult.

Did you have the freedom to leave home though, and be with your partner of choice, because you loved them and wanted to be with them, share a life with them and make decisions with them about your life together. Aren’t we lucky if we can answer yes?

I love the T.V series The Crown. I watched every episode and I had a great new found respect for the Queen and what she had to endure, sacrifice and do in order to be ‘The Queen’ . I felt sorry for her and for other members of the Royal family for the sacrifices they have had to make in order to be a Royal.

I know some of it is fiction, but you can see the constraints, the privilege, turning of a blind eye, the bullying and dismissing of peoples rights and feelings. I felt that so much when I watched it.

‘The Crown must come first’, is what the Queen would say. But at what cost? ‘The crown’ costs lives. Lived ‘freely’ lives. I pity those born into that life for their choices are not really of their own making. If they are, somehow they will be punished because of them.

Charles finally got to marry the woman he always wanted to marry, but couldn’t, was not allowed to, because she wasn’t deemed suitable. She had a past. She wasn’t royal enough. So he married Diana instead and ruined his own and her life. He did however, get his fairy tale ending. He got the bride he wanted, but he did pay dearly for it. The crown must come first.

I wonder the impact on their two boys growing up in such a loveless marriage. Fueled with anger and resentment. It would absolutely have made an impact on them and perhaps made them realise that love is worth more than ‘The Crown’.

We saw it with Edward and Mrs Simpson. He abdicated for love. He sacrificed a lot for love.

I still really respect the Queen, she has a very tough job and is dictated to by rules and must conform to the rules, even though it may hurt her and/or her family.

I watched ‘The Interview’ last night and my opinion is that I saw two people who love each other. Want a life together, free from scrutiny or control and raise their children. Sounds like most of us?

I see so much hate on social media and in the media, particularly directed at Meghan. I am shocked by this. I had never heard of her, before she met Harry. I had never watched Suits. I was however, happy for him that he met someone to share his life with.

He had a tough time dealing with the death of his mother, as did William. They have endured so much as the children of Charles and Diana. They have heard so many stories, good bad and indifferent all their lives, by people in the media and otherwise, and that cannot have be easy or without negative impact.

In my humble opinion, I think Harry did right to stand by his wife, and try to take a bit more of a back seat in his Royal duties. Taking a back seat wasn’t allowed, so now they are standing on their own two feet. They, I feel, have the right to say how they feel or felt.

I don’t think they were awfully disparaging or disrespectful. Only they know how they feel or felt. We cannot tell them how they feel. We cannot tell them how they should live, what they should or shouldn’t say. We can’t tell the Queen or any of the Royal family for that matter, how they should feel either.

Meghan may have gone in with her eyes (naively) open, thinking she had the skills:- maturity, willing to learn, strength, good work ethic, conforming to new rules, being told what to do and when to do it, for example, but then realised, that actually, no she didn’t have those skills after all, that it was too much, that she was at breaking point. She now also had a child to think about. This was a far cry from the life she was used to or from the one she thought she was getting into, but she tried and did so with dignity.

Also, Harry must have anticipated, on some level, that Meghan, entering the Royal family would not be a ‘walk in the park’ and he must have considered what he would do, should she not be able for ‘the job’. They were not teenagers getting married, they were grown up 30 somethings….

Also, Harry, having seen what ‘that life’ did to his mother, took action and tried to stand by and support his wife, like a loving and loyal husband should do. Is that bad?

People are always going to be divided but at the end of the day, people don’t have to live his life, or Meghans, or the Queens or any of the Royal familiy. I think though, the level of vitriol targeted at them, especially Meghan, is actually disgusting.

People saying she deserves an oscar, she’s acting, she had this plan all along….. How do they know that? I believe her intentions were good and she hoped she would be able for the life she thought she would be entering when she joined the Royal family. Like any ‘job’ it shouldn’t have to define you or hold you to ransom. You should be able to walk away.

I think Harry, walking away from his family to live a ‘more free’ life will be easier for him to endure, if they remain somewhat estranged, than it would have been for Meghan to stay within the confines of the restrictive rules of the Royal family, and feel suffocated, unsupported and undervalued.

I say good luck to them and good luck to the Queen. Their lives are not easy and I am just thankful, that I am a ‘nobody’, making my own life choices, speaking freely my own mind and living on my own terms.

For those people that think they have a right to add negatively to Harry and Meghan’s mental health, I say think again and be careful with your words. I am sure you would have something to say if they told you how you should live, how you should do things etc.

It is none of our business, at the end of the day, so on that note, I wish them all well and hope they all find peace and heal the rifts between them, in time.

The Section

It’s not that simple, having a baby. Even getting pregnant can be a challenge, it was for me. Medicine by way of fertility soon took care of that but when it came time to having my twins, it wasn’t that easy, or was it?

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

Yesterday was my twins 27th birthday. It’s hard to believe that I had them 27 years ago, when I can remember their ‘birth’ so vividly.

At the time I thought I was only going into hospital for my final scan, number 5, (usual for multiple pregnancy) and then going into town shopping. It was apparent, however, during the course of the scan, that the sonographer was not happy about something, so went to fetch someone else to take a look. I began to feel a little anxious at this point. After this person had a look at the scan they asked me to take a seat in the little room next door as they wanted the consultant to take a look at the scan. My anxiety levels by now were very high. ‘is everything OK, I asked nervously’. ‘Yes, of course, we just want the consultant to take a quick look’ she replied, but I was not convinced.

Soon the consultant came and asked if I had been resting since the last scan, ‘One of the babies is very small and you must rest’ he had told me at scan number 4. I had rested as much as I could, given that I had a 4 year old at home and a part time job.

‘I think we will keep you in, for bed rest’ he blurted out, ‘nothing to worry about’, he said before turning to the nurse then leaving. I was both anxious and confused now, why would I have to stay in. Of course I was worried about my 4 year old too, and not being able to go home to mind her.

Fortunately, my mother had come over from Ireland just two days before, to stay with me for a month or so and be there when the babies were born as I was going to be induced at 38 weeks, 2 weeks early.

After I was brought up to the ward and shown where my bed was, I sent my husband home to tell my mother what was going on, and told him not to come back until he had collected our daughter from school and to ensure he didn’t panic her about my having to stay in hospital.

Whilst he was gone the consultant came back to see me with a change of mind, so to speak. ‘I’ve had another look at your scan and well, I think, rather than risk both babies, we’ll get them out in the morning, see what’s going on’ he said, matter of factly……. ‘Nurse, prepare her for a c section, nil by mouth after midnight’ he said, then left again.

‘Rather than risk both babies’, what did he mean, I wondered, now they will be 6 weeks early too instead of two weeks, isn’t that risky, I thought. Although anxious I couldn’t help but feel a little excited too, knowing that I would be having my babies the next day. It was a little surreal, but definitely exciting. It was an emotional roller coaster.

It definitely wasn’t what I had planned or even contemplated. I had imagined that my husband would most probably be at work, doing the night shift, when I would go into labour and it would be all panic stations to get to the hospital on time. My first child came quite quickly once labour had started and they say your second and subsequent babies come even faster.

By the time he came back to the hospital that afternoon, my husband, with my mum and daughter I had completely processed the news that I was having my babies the next morning. All I had to do, was give him the good news….. He almost fainted, without a word of a lie, he was so shocked he began to cry, the big softie that he is.

I could barely sleep with nerves and excitement and praying that all would be well with my babies. ‘Rather than risk both babies’ kept going over and over in my head. I had insisted however, that I be awake for the section, so I could know, straight away, that everything was OK with them, and the consultant had agreed to that request.

The ‘section’ itself wasn’t as straight forward as it should have been either to begin with. As I had asked to be awake, it meant I would have an epidural, a needle inserted into my spine to numb the area from the bump down. They know that it has worked when they proceed to spray water onto your tummy to see if you can feel it. I could. We waited. They sprayed again. I could still feel it. While this spraying and waiting was going on, my husband was being holed up in a waiting area, where he was gowned up in his scrubs.

After about 10 minutes, they proceeded to give me another dose of epidural, waited, sprayed, I could feel it. We Waited, he sprayed again ‘If you can feel it this time we are going to have to give you a general anesthetic’ the anesthetist said. I could feel it, not as much, but I could feel it a bit ‘No I can’t feel it this time’ I lied. There was no way I was having a general, that was for sure!

Finally, my panicked husband was now allowed in to be by my side. There was a big cage thing over my tummy so as to block my view from what they were doing on the other side. Announcing that he was just about to make the incision, I turned my head to my husband and a tear ran out the corner of my eye, waiting to feel the pain……. I didn’t feel a thing! Thank God.

Baby Number one was lifted out, after a bit of tugging, wrapped, handed to me for a second to see her, before being whisked away for her apgar score to be done. At least she was screaming, so that was a good sign. Next, baby number 2 is lifted out, again, wrapped, handed to me for a second before she too needed to get her apgar score done, screaming merrily along with her twin.

After they had finished with me and gave me a nice little suturing which resembles the shape of a smile, they wheeled me into another room and I was well and truly numb, no matter how much I tried to wake my body up, by tapping it, from the tummy down, it wouldn’t cooperate.

‘Everything seems to be fine with the babies, there is only one placenta, so it looks like one of them was just being greedy and taking all the nourishment’ I was told. The little one will have to go into SCBU (special care baby unit), just because she can’t retain her body heat on her own, but apart from that, she is all good’ I was reassured.

What a relief! Both babies were fine and they were girls, which is what I had been hoping for. I was overjoyed, elated in fact.

After 4 days I was allowed home, with baby No 2, whilst baby no. 1 remained in SCBU and where I would make twice daily trips back into the hospital to see her, feed her, cuddle her and lay her twin beside her. She remained in hospital for a month before being deemed able to ‘hold her own’ and now a hefty 5 pounds in weight!

Something kept niggling at me as the days and weeks went on however, something that I had not been expecting. I felt ‘cheated’ somewhat. The fact that I did not give ‘birth’ to them, did not go through the labour and do the hard work of bringing them into the world. I couldn’t shake the feeling off.

As I would feed them or cuddle them or just look at them, I knew they were mine, I was there, wide awake and the only thing between us was the cage, but they were mine. Why then, did I feel like they weren’t? It was a weird and strange feeling, that is actually quite difficult to explain.

I loved them, I had bonded with them, I was more than happy to have them, but I felt something was missing. I had the scar to prove that they came out of my tummy, yet I felt, perhaps, separate or divided from them. My heart and mind knew, loved and wanted these babies more than anything, but my gut was making me feel that I had not worked hard enough for them, that I had let them down because I had failed to ‘give birth’.

I think it took me a good 6 months to shake the feeling off, maybe a bit longer. It didn’t stop me caring for them and loving them and I didn’t suffer any sort of post natal depression but I couldn’t shake the feeling off or even rationalise it. I would look at them in wonder and my heart would burst it was so full of love for them. I just found it such a strange sensation, one that I had not expected so it took me by complete surprise because it was so different to how I felt when I had my eldest daughter. I think, for me, there was a sense of pride for having ‘given birth’ and going through the labour and safely delivering my daughter as opposed to have someone ‘do the work’ for me?

I makes me wonder why do they call it a section, because the definition of ‘section’ is to divide something. I am not saying I am not grateful for having one, that, at the time, it was best for my babies to be delivered that way, but I wonder how many other women feel the way I felt. Is it a normal feeling. Is it because after having my first child, naturally and felt so euphoric having pushed her into the world, I felt worthy of her? I don’t know.

I know having a c section is absolutely necessary to save lives, mothers and babies and we are of course very thankful and grateful for such interventions, to safely bring our babies into the world.

So here we are, 27 years later, looking back at old photographs and reminiscing. I remember the day they were born, the joy they brought then, to hear them scream their little lungs out and the joy they continue to bring and not only am I thankful, I am blessed.

The Heavens

Almost a year now and our vocabulary, our way of life and our outlook changed. From lock down, social distancing and restrictions to working together, front line workers and better days ahead, we are all in this together, so lets help each other get out of it…..

I think this has been a particularly difficult lock down, this third one. I know for me it has been, and most people I speak to tell me the same. Is it because it has been during the winter, at the beginning of the new year, when we all hoped upon hope, that by then, we would be through the worst of it? Instead we were only at the beginning of the worst of it and so it has laboured on and we have had to sit it out. The dark wet days haven’t helped. The feeling of restraint have at times been suffocating, but I tell myself, it is all we have to do, sit it out, in the comfort of our own homes. For me, it is a comfortable home and I consider myself very lucky in that fact. Others, however, do not have such a comfortable or even safe home to sit it out in. So for them it is even worse. Then there are the front line workers, particularly the doctors, nurses and all hospital and care staff. I think of them, when I feel that I am being hard done by. They have to venture out, since the beginning of this pandemic, almost a year ago, and do their ‘job’. What about how they must feel. Leaving home, their children and families, to work with an unknown entity, a dangerous and often deadly virus. Their feeling of angst and worry, fear and frustration must be magnified on a daily basis, their mental health as well as their physical health must be taking a battering, we know, it is taking a battering, and so, we must sit it out and do our bit, to help them. To aid them, by not breaking ‘the rules’.

Yes, it feels like our wings have been clipped and the sense of isolation is huge. Feelings and emotions with regards to gatherings are palpable. Close relatives dying and we cannot attend funerals, pay our respects and be united in grief with loved ones. Weddings and other celebrations, curtailed, very intimate numbers or non existent. The world we live in at the moment. But that it all it needs to be, a moment in time, a snapshot of a period in our lives, that we will over come, with cooperation and with science, in the form of hygiene, distancing and vaccinations.

Many people have adapted well and taken up new hobbies, skills and even businesses. I myself, set up a card making business during the first lock down. It gave me something to do. (insta@taylormadecardcreations, Facebook: Caroline’s Card creations). To marry my photos and my words together to make something positive and to send a positive message to a loved one during a very negative time. This kept me and my mind occupied and gave me a sense of purpose in my day.

As a people we are resilient and we have to remember that. We have to hold on to the knowledge that things will get better and this, is only temporary, that if we all work together, we will of course, reap the benefits, together.

I attach a poem I wrote a few weeks ago, after a close relative passed away, but I feel that not just in death do we feel the darkness and the mist, we feel and have felt it it often during these times of lock down. As we learn that ‘life goes on’ after the death of a friend or loved one, we too must know that life will go on, as it did, before the pandemic, it will just be a matter of time.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

I watched the birds on the treetops

Surveying all around

What are they looking for,

Something on the ground?

High up in the heavens

Just taking it all in

Is it quiet and peaceful up there

Or is that felt within?

The mist is descending

Like a blanket it falls

I can barely see in front of me

I just slow to a crawl

No more can I see you

As the trees go out of sight

All  is shrouded in darkness

As you turned out the light

So you may soar even higher

Far above the soft white clouds

And I’ll look up to the heavens

And hope that you’ll look down.

The Heavens

love and loss is the sharpest pain, and can be difficult to navigate a way out….

I watched the birds on the treetops

Surveying all around

What are they looking for,

Something on the ground?

High up in the heavens

Just taking it all in

Is it quiet and peaceful up there

Or is that felt within?

The mist is descending

Like a blanket it falls

I can barely see in front of me

I just slow to a crawl

No more can I see you

As the trees go out of sight

All  is shrouded in darkness

As you turned out the light

So you may soar even higher

Far above the soft white clouds

And I’ll look up to the heavens

And hope that you’ll look down.

No Man’s Land

A thought, a feeling, a place, an ideal or a mixture of all… there’s no place like home, Dorothy said….

Where is home?

Where I lay my hat?

Where the heart is?

A feeling or a place

What if I have more than one hat?

What is no man’s land?

Half belonging

Half not

It’s where I reside

With my hat

Half of my heart is there

The other half wonders

If I should wander….

Tense

Time has meaning. Perception is interpreted and responsive…….

Photo by Nick Bondarev on Pexels.com

I am

He is

She is

They are

Present

tense

here, existing, surviving

Willing and able

Kind, loving, giving,

Hurtful, powerful, weak

I was

He was

She was

They were

Past

tense

spent

Absent

Gone

Unwilling

Unable

Kind, loving, giving

Hurtful, powerful, weak

Past or present

Dead or alive

Near or far

We can be both

Present and past

January…..A month to stay in

So the new year is here, full of new years restrictions, a vaccine and hopefully, with hope….

image – authors own

The tinsel is wrapped and put away

The tree gone to the shredder

The Christmas lights once so bright

Have dimmed now all together

A new year’s day, a new year dawns

And we hope we can progress

It is with caution and foreboding

That I am fearful, I confess

The numbers they are growing

And infecting many lives

Invisible like a thief in the night

It will entice you and beguile

As it lures you in, into its grasp

When it sees you are complacent

The virus travels at quick speed

And does not victimise against us

So January it seems, is the month,

that we must pledge to stay in

To slow the spread of this disease

While letting others win

The people with the cancer

The mental health and needs

So great they need attention

But they just have to yield

And so it’s devastating

Whichever way we go

But stay in, we must in January

Cos they have told us so

And as we crash together

And crumble to our knees

Despairing as to whether

We succumb to our needs

For mankind needs a purpose

To go and do some work

It gives us direction and focus

And helps to prove our worth

So now we must all hibernate

And hope we will come through it

Unscathed and well and feeling whole

And hope we haven’t blown it

Essential workers don’t get to rest

Or hide behind closed doors

Their terror and their worry

Will stay with them some more

In order to protect us

 to treat us, and to cure

They go with trepidation

This virus, they abhor

So we all must do the best we can

To keep this ‘thing’ at bay

And hope we can come together

And have our ‘normal’ back some day

Time

The best thing to learn is everything takes time, it’s a matter of knowing how to use it

images taken at St. Helen’s Bay, Co Wexford

None of us know how long or short our time will be on this planet. Some go way too young and others stay beyond a century. I hope to be in the latter. One thing I do know, is that the planet we live on is a place of wonder and beauty. It is ever changing but continually provides a beautiful landscape. Sometimes it rages and causes havoc. Is it angry or simply shifting its focus? Other times it is calm, serene and magical. In moments of time we are the same as this planet. Like a spectrum we can gravitate from one end of the scale to another, depending on our circumstances, our thoughts, opinions, influences and other environmental factors. It is a continuum, time is not static. It does not stand still, even after we leave, time continues and the sun rises and falls and night follows day. Again and again it goes on, in spite of the storms and in spite of the droughts. So it is, that we must do the same. We must carry on in spite of the chaos, in spite of the hurt, in spite of the disappointments, the successes and the failures. Life throws us curve balls and it is up to us what we do with them. We cannot avoid them totally and they will have an impact, but we can work around them, and continue to move forward.

Time is a precious thing in that it never runs out and we can make choices and decisions, and if we screw up and cause havoc like the storms, we know it can be cleaned up, renewed and a new day will dawn and brighter days will follow.

We are heading into a new year and this year we are dealing with and bringing Corona Virus with us. It will not disappear at midnight. There is no fairy godmother that can banish it away or give it wings to fly itself away. We will still wake up in our lock downs with our restrictions and precautions and for that we will feel sad, disappointed and angry, but we know that it will not last forever. We know and have to believe we will get it under control, it is just a matter of time and we must be patient, vigilant and not complacent.

During this time we may have found lots of things to be positive about, thankful for and appreciative of, and so going into the new year, we must remain positive and hang on to those positive thoughts. Trust that a new day is dawning and in time, we can obliterate this virus and in the meantime count our blessings of what we have and who we have in our lives and lets also enjoy the beauty of our planet and nature.

Autumn

Autumn

And the leaves fall down
They are crisp under foot
Exposing the landscape
The colours are changing
Bright beautiful hues
gnarly branches this way and that
a bird in clear sight
the shroud has gone
uncovering the sound of its lamenting sweet song
the dogwood is flaming
showcasing red twigs
spectacular specimen without its coat
but oh, the beech impressively noble
draped in copper, draped in gold
what a sight it is to behold
autumn or fall, a season of beauty
wool knit jumpers and welly boots
pounding in puddles
and dancing with leaves
long country walks
drink in the fresh air
sighs of long deep released breaths
of beauty and loss
of life and death
a stage of renewal
new aspect and time
preparation, perception
yours, theirs and mine