Hi, just a quick introduction about me and what my site is about. I am a 50 something woman, a woman in my prime, some would say. I would say just a woman, getting on with life and learning and discovering along the way.
I like to write. I write about anything and everything. It all depends on my mood, on if I feel I have something to say or if something just pops into my head and turns out to be the first line of a new poem.
I like to write about my life, my experiences or my perceptions of things. I have no distinctive style or agenda, just thoughts, the good, the bad and the ugly and I like to relay them here. Whether it is a relationship with ourselves, our families, our friends, or the world and planet around us, we all have relationships and we all have an opinion, an observation or an impact in those relationships.
I hope you enjoy this journey with me and I hope you can relate with some of what I have to say or at least that you may get a bit of a giggle sometimes. I wish you all the best in all your Relay shun ships…….
It’s almost upon us….December. Never mind that very special person with a beard and red suit, who comes bearing gifts and leaves them under the tree for all the ‘good’ children, it is also almost the end of another year!
So what did you do this year? Was it hectic, was it fulfilled, was it the same as any other year? Were you in the doldrums, did you realise your dreams, edge closer to your dreams, change direction? Did you endure it with sadness and lose someone significant? Questions, questions, questions!
My year began with deciding to go house hunting in the sun for a holiday home. Having lost both parents in the previous two years, one after the other, my brothers and I shared the proceeds from the sale of their house, our family home. It was a difficult time, but we had to be practical.
I am usually so bad with money, in one hand and out the other, like sand falling hurriedly through my fingers. I really didn’t want to squander what my parents had worked so hard for, and so, the search for a holiday home in the sun began.
By April I had picked up the keys to my place in the sun in Spain and have managed to go there 4 or 5 times since then. For that I have been very grateful (especially to my boss, who has let me have flexi time at work) and of course to my parents, whom I think they would approve of how I spent ‘their money’.
I managed to slip and bash my head whilst in Spain, which required 4 staples and a night in hospital. Thank God no lasting damage…. it could have been a lot worse! It was also a bit of a wake up call.
I visited there with my brother on one occasion and my grandchildren on another. I also visited with one of my friends. I was happy to share this new ‘home’ with them and let them imagine me there should I ever leave Ireland.
Each time I went to Spain I wanted to stay longer and longer and longer. So much so that now, as this year is drawing to a close, I have put my house up for sale, with a view to going to my place in the sun and then deciding, ‘what next’.
Travel has always been on my bucket list. I want to go to places I have never been, if only for a short time, few weeks, few months, longer if possible. Travel without worrying about having to go to work. To just do what I can do with the means that I have.
Impulsive by nature and not one for sitting still for too long I think, ‘what’s the worst that can happen’? With each year rolling quicker and quicker into the next, losing loved ones along the way, good friends and family, it is a stark reminder of how quickly time flies and how precious life is.
I also turned 60 this year so realise there is a lot less time ahead of me that what has gone before. With that in mind I want to take the bull by the horns and try something new….. again.
Is that selfish, is it reckless, is it foolish or is it brave. Maybe it is all of the above! I can only live my life. No one can live it for me, so on that basis, I should just bite the bullet and give it a go…… once my house here actually sells that is!
However, there is a caveat to that. I change my mind like the weather. I drive myself nuts with all my different ideas and plans, but at least, I have ideas and plans and that is what matters isn’t it? To keep thinking, hoping, dreaming, planning and then ‘doing. If we don’t try, nothing changes right?
I moved to this current house 4 years ago. A lovely house in a lovely part of the country. During that 4 years I have grieved 3 very significant people. Started a new job where I currently still work and couldn’t ask for a nicer boss who also became my very good friend. Met several really nice people in my neighbourhood and joined two writing groups where we meet once a week.
I have been welcomed here and made to feel ‘part of the tribe’. People I would never have met, if I hadn’t made the move. I wonder then, who and what is waiting for me in my next move? That is what fills me with excitement and a strong sense of curiosity.
In the words of Anais nin “life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage”
So, here’s to another, almost, end of a year and hopefully an exciting new year ahead with new adventures!
See how she danced Light like air Gentle as summer rain She caressed and kissed their form Gleefully and abiediently, they stood to attention Welcomed her with oustreched arms Their green velvet cloak glistened as She teased and weaved her luminescent Magic at the foot of the forest floor, Leaving them breathless and just as quickly as she swept in illuminating all around her, off she spun, like a rolling stone…..
The leaves are falling already, so autumn is well and truly on its way. The last of the summer sun is fading fast and the temperatures are definitely dropping. The chill is in the air.
I don’t mind autumn so much. I like the colours, the reds, the russets the browns, and the berries on the trees. Nourishment. I don’t mind going from summer shirts to light weight jumpers and from sandals to covered in shoes. Soon, it will be boots. The transition is gradual. You know its coming.
There are still days to be hopeful for big bright open skies that stay bright until late evening…. that is, of course, until the last Saturday in October, when the clocks go back and the nights draw in, and the sky turns black at 5 O’clock. Oh dread!
They both died in the autumn. The sky was still blue. The sun was still shining, the leaves had begun to fall but the darkness came before the last Saturday in October.
My mum, she was 80 when she died. She died peacefully at home, in my arms. If you could have a ‘good death’, she had it, quietly and calmly, she drifted off. She was at peace, but I miss her.
My friend was 56. Hers was the shocker, the unexpected, the one I felt the most angry about. Still do. Not old age. Not a terrible accident. No, that dreaded word, Cancer. The cancer was back. It had gone, but then it came back. She had 10 days. We had 10 days. 10 days of knowing, that this was it, this was the end. How do you prepare for that, come to terms with that, accept that, without being angry. She was tired, she was reconciled, she was ready, she said. I wasn’t, still aren’t.
Now another winter is coming. I dread the thoughts. Dark nights, stormy weather. Cold, freezing temperatures, power cuts. Damp, wet, bleakness.
Eat, comfort food, sit warming by the fire, watch tv, read. Hibernate or …..Head south for winter. Become a snow bird and leave the black behind, the dark, the drudge, leave it there, in the cold stone hearth. Leave the comfort of the comfort zone.
Let me be a snow bird. Let me stay in the light, feel the sunlight on me. Open the door to all sorts of unknown opportunities. Let me wander, let me explore, let me soar. Don’t let me stop me. Here now, let me open that door !
ffwiiit, chip chip chip chip ffwiitt, chip chip chip chip shwoosh, swoohsh, shwoosh jingle, jingle, jingle jangle, jingle, jangle, jingle the breeze blows a gentle gust enough to tickle the wind chime into peaceful melody and the birds, busy in their chatter hiding on the branches repeating their Tourette like banter as I bask in the tranquillity of it all surrounded by flowers, and shrubs and roses profusion of colours and scents and structures food for the wildlife, the bees, the butterflies the pesky greenfly, slugs and snails each of us speaking a foreign language independent of the other yet, we co-exist in harmony and when I leave this place, this garden, which I planted and grew with love, for them for me, for the next guardian of my haven I wonder, will they even care?
“Green, how I love you. Green Green wind. Green Branches, boat on the sea and the horse on the mountain. On the face of the cistern, the gypsy woman rocked. Green Flesh, green hair , with eyes of cold silver. An icicle from one of them holds her over the water. Green how I love you, green wind. Green branches. Can’t you see the wound I have from my chest to my throat? let me climb at least to the high railings and let me climb. Let me reach the green railings. Railing of the moon where the water rumbles” Frederica Garcia Lorca
This is a direct translation from the Spanish writing on the fountain. Like many other fountains, dotted around Lanjaron, situated at the foothills of the Alpujarra mountains in the Granada province, they all have inscriptions from Frederica Garcia Lorca, famous Spanish poet and playwright.
It is no wonder when I first visited this quaint little town, that I felt quite at home. It had a nice quiet yet welcoming atmosphere. Typically Spanish and surrounded by the most magnificent breath taking mountains.
As we drove down the centre of the narrow town, eyeing the pretty balconies, adorned with plants and colourful flowers I watched carefully, the people slowly going about their day. Some sitting on benches, chatting. Others watching the world go by, and the ladies inside the grocery shop, baskets hanging in the crook of their elbows, ready to carry their fresh produce home. I knew then, before I even looked at the house, which I was there to view, that I would buy it.
A town steeped in history and deriving from pre-roman and significant moorish settlements, this town has survived and thrived and is known as the gateway to the Alpujarras.
As you leave the motorway and head up the winding road the 12 minute journey to the town is truly remarkable. As you pass under the modern metal bridge, on the first stretch of the road, an ancient bridge, hidden below, known as Peunte de Tablate, used in yesteryear in the many battles which occurred in this region.
A whitewashed church sits to the side of the bridge as the ravine unfolds this ancient structure.
Modern day and bygone days bridges sharing space and time side by side, but if the mountains could talk, the stories they could tell!
Further up and past Lanjaron, some 45 minutes takes you to a pretty little town called Capileira. This is the highest village in which cars can travel and its elevation is some 1,436 m. A great town to base if hiking is your thing.
Even the beautiful flowers love this little tourist town. A red heart climbs the wall as it reaches for the stars.
Pampaneira, below Bubion and Capileira is another pretty and quite a bustling town on the way back down toward Orgiva and ultimatley home, to Lanjaron. The spring waters running through the middle of the town, the musicality of its trickle, soothing. The scent of the jasmine, honeysuckle and the showstopping vibrant colour of the bourgainvillea are abundant as you meander the streets of this town. The geraniums line white washed streets in terracotta pots and immediately make you smile. The church in the plaza towering over the restaurants and street vendors is a site to behold and a santury, not only for prayer, but for shade and cooling down from the intense heat.
A nice way to spend the day and discovering the part of the Alpajarras, taking a slow drive up, up, up the mountain. Tasting the local cuisine. Having a cold beer or a cold glass of water and drinking in the scenery, the scents, the history and remind yourself, how very lucky you are to discover such a beautiful place, and even, for a short while, call it ‘home’.
Adolescence, the Netflix drama series, is the talk of the towns everywhere at the moment.
I watched it in one sitting. It is certainly a thought provoking, conversation starter and worthwhile piece of viewing on TV at the moment. It is particularly worth a watch if you have children, grandchildren or are a professional that works directly or indirectly with children, specifically teens.
It essentially portrays the impact, affect and ultimate behaviour, that can happen with the power of influence.
Influence, generally, can have either a positive or a negative impact, in my opinion. But in order for us to ‘act’ on influence, we first must make the ‘choice’ to.
Something in us, in our character, our attributes, our personality, our free will, makes a decision, a choice on whether or not we will be swayed, one way or another, right?
Sometimes though, we may ‘act’ on impulse, on instinct. Is that impulse or instinct innate, regardless of outside influences. Has it always been there. Were we born with it or did it develop based on our experiences and our environment? Is there any room for choice when it comes to impulse and instinct?
There is a saying which is ‘your gut instinct’. Usually that lets you know if its right or wrong, good or bad, but impulse is a different story. A gut instinct usually allows for some kind of rational thinking or rationale. Impulse is more immediate and often it is a behaviour based on risk.
In the series, we deduce that something infiltrated the teens psyche which had over time, influenced him , his feelings towards the girl in question, maybe other girls too, The social media platform appeared to be the main culprit of this influence.
However, did he set out to do what he did with intention and malice or did he act on impulse, once he confronted her? You could argue, he had the weapon on him, so he was prepared, therefore there was intent.
You could also argue that he had no intention of causing such fatal harm but merely wanted to scare her. That impulse took over his rational thoughts when he was deemed to be scorned or provoked and that part of his personality was such that he would lose control when so aroused.
Nevertheless, regardless of instinct or impulse, it is portrayed that the over riding factor in this case was the power of influence. Therefore, in my opinion, given any set of circumstances, a certain personality trait, and an environmental factor, we are all open to be influenced into or by anything.
I am considered a bit of a shop-a-holic…..it’s kind of true. I do enjoy buying things, if I can afford them. Years ago, I could afford very little, but I was easily influenced and swayed by my bank to get myself a credit card. The bank were giving them out, willy nilly and you only had to pay a minimum payment. Happy days, until it wasn’t ! I had rocked up a nice amount on my first card, because the bank kept upping my limit. They were increasing it because I was paying my minimum payment on time! The more they increased the limit, the more I spent.
I have maxed out and cleared three credit cards in my life because my motto was ,’you only live once and could be dead tomorrow’. However, after clearing the last one in my 40’s I vowed to not get a credit card again. The point I am trying to make is that I am impulsive by nature, and was easily influenced by the magical number that my credit card limit had grown to, and because of my motto ‘you only live once’, I happily kept spending. However, eventually sense came knocking at the door and my gut was telling me to knock the spending on the head, It wasn’t real money, it was just numbers and all I was really doing was accruing a debt that was just not sustainable in the long run.
It was like a pleasure and a pain at the same time. While spending I got a high and when the bank statement landed on the mat, the reality of the debt would hit me hard. I had to rein myself in.
Being a teen, it is very hard to rein yourself in. Your mind is not fully developed, you are still trying to find out who you are. you are changing continually and are full of angst and self esteem issues. Peers are our biggest influence and it is so easy to be swept up and lead by them.
Not all influence is bad or negative. For every negative there is a positive. Influence can be a very happy and positive experience. These days we can be influenced in many different ways by many different people, ideas and ideals. A teacher can be a great influence and inspiration for a pupil, whether young or old.
A tiktok influencer can influence someone to buy certain products, try certain foods, recommend books, holiday hot spots, sell up and travel the world, walk, write, exercise etc to improve mental health etc, etc, etc, the list goes on.
However, I think, it is the internal, intrinsic, innate part of us that will ultimately determine what we do with anything that influences us, how far we will let it lead us, and at what cost. For everything we do, no matter what age, there is a price to pay.
Adolescence, the Netflix drama series, is the talk of the towns everywhere at the moment.
I watched it in one sitting. It is certainly a thought provoking, conversation starter and worthwhile piece of viewing on TV at the moment. It is particularly worth a watch if you have children, grandchildren or are a professional that works directly or indirectly with children, specifically teens.
It essentially portrays the impact, affect and ultimate behaviour, that can happen with the power of influence.
Influence, generally, can have either a positive or a negative impact, in my opinion. But in order for us to ‘act’ on influence, we first must make the ‘choice’ to.
Something in us, in our character, our attributes, our personality, our free will, makes a decision, a choice on whether or not we will be swayed, one way or another, right?
Sometimes though, we may ‘act’ on impulse, on instinct. Is that impulse or instinct innate, regardless of outside influences. Has it always been there. Were we born with it or did it develop based on our experiences and our environment? Is there any room for choice when it comes to impulse and instinct?
There is a saying which is ‘your gut instinct’. Usually that lets you know if its right or wrong, good or bad, but impulse is a different story. A gut instinct usually allows for some kind of rational thinking or rationale. Impulse is more immediate and often it is a behaviour based on risk.
In the series, we deduce that something infiltrated the teens psyche which had over time, influenced him , his feelings towards the girl in question, maybe other girls too, The social media platform appeared to be the main culprit of this influence.
However, did he set out to do what he did with intention and malice or did he act on impulse, once he confronted her? You could argue, he had the weapon on him, so he was prepared, therefore there was intent.
You could also argue that he had no intention of causing such fatal harm but merely wanted to scare her. That impulse took over his rational thoughts when he was deemed to be scorned or provoked and that part of his personality was such that he would lose control when so aroused.
Nevertheless, regardless of instinct or impulse, it is portrayed that the over riding factor in this case was the power of influence. Therefore, in my opinion, given any set of circumstances, a certain personality trait, and an environmental factor, we are all open to be influenced into or by anything.
I am considered a bit of a shop-a-holic…..it’s kind of true. I do enjoy buying things, if I can afford them. Years ago, I could afford very little, but I was easily influenced and swayed by my bank to get myself a credit card. The bank were giving them out, willy nilly and you only had to pay a minimum payment. Happy days, until it wasn’t ! I had rocked up a nice amount on my first card, because the bank kept upping my limit. They were increasing it because I was paying my minimum payment on time! The more they increased the limit, the more I spent.
I have maxed out and cleared three credit cards in my life because my motto was ,’you only live once and could be dead tomorrow’. However, after clearing the last one in my 40’s I vowed to not get a credit card again. The point I am trying to make is that I am impulsive by nature, and was easily influenced by the magical number that my credit card limit had grown to, and because of my motto ‘you only live once’, I happily kept spending. However, eventually sense came knocking at the door and my gut was telling me to knock the spending on the head, It wasn’t real money, it was just numbers and all I was really doing was accruing a debt that was just not sustainable in the long run.
It was like a pleasure and a pain at the same time. While spending I got a high and when the bank statement landed on the mat, the reality of the debt would hit me hard. I had to rein myself in.
Being a teen, it is very hard to rein yourself in. Your mind is not fully developed, you are still trying to find out who you are. you are changing continually and are full of angst and self esteem issues. Peers are our biggest influence and it is so easy to be swept up and lead by them.
Not all influence is bad or negative. For every negative there is a positive. Influence can be a very happy and positive experience. These days we can be influenced in many different ways by many different people, ideas and ideals. A teacher can be a great influence and inspiration for a pupil, whether young or old.
A tiktok influencer can influence someone to buy certain products, try certain foods, recommend books, holiday hot spots, sell up and travel the world, walk, write, exercise etc to improve mental health etc, etc, etc, the list goes on.
However, I think, it is the internal, intrinsic, innate part of us that will ultimately determine what we do with anything that influences us, how far we will let it lead us, and at what cost. For everything we do, no matter what age, there is a price to pay.
So tomorrow is my birthday. 60. Sometimes I think it must be a mistake, that they lied about my age, but my birth certificate confirms it. Yep, definitely 60. Inside, however, I still feel like i’m in my 30’s !
The photo, bottom left, is when I was in my 30’s, taken with my best friend, who is 4 days older than me.
So this is my birthday eve. Tomorrow my family are all arriving to help me celebrate. Kids, grandkids, brothers and sisters in law. It will be nice to have them surround me and celebrate with me.
I wanted to surround my friend. That’s why there are so many selfies in the photo. She is not here . She was not here to celebrate her 60th birthday because she passed away when she was 56.
I was sad on Monday, her 60th birthday. I was sad because she wasn’t here. I was sad on Tuesday and every day since she died, I am sad that she is not here. That is grief.
Grief, stays with you. You are not stuck, stuck back in the time that you lost the loved one. You do go on with life. You learn to live with the grief, but some days it comes and slaps you hard in the stomach. Other days it is there, just simmering in the back ground. Big milestones, in particular, it will slap you hard across the face. Grief is the reminder of the love, that is why it stays.
I cannot celebrate my birthday tomorrow without thinking about or acknowledging that my best friend wasn’t here to celebrate hers.
I am blessed and grateful that I am here to celebrate my birthday with my family. Truly, that is a wonderful blessing.
I still think they lied about my age! How can I be 60. When I was 30, 60 was ‘old’. I am not old. Perish the thought! Maybe I will be old when I am 80. I live in hope to see !
To my fellow ‘oldies’, don’t listen to them, 60 is the new fabulous!!!
Relay shun ships 
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