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Meant to be or not meant to be…that is the question?

I fluctuate between what I believe when it comes to the question “do you believe in fate/destiny”.

When I was younger I think I believed we were put here for a reason, and it was up to us to discover what the reason was and wherever we ended up, would be the answer, would be our fate, our destiny.

For example, having a certain plan for the day, and the day goes completely astray and looks nothing like how it was supposed to look, but by the end of the day, wherever and whatever has occurred, was meant to be. A lesson to be learned, or a new path laid out to show us the way.

The Robert Frost poem, ‘The road not taken’, has been interpreted by many and thought to be a metaphor to generalise life. However, perhaps he wrote it just because he came to a fork in the road and thought, “Hmmm, I wonder if I go down this road, where it will lead”. A road of discovery, of now knowing where it lead, and that is that.

The many trials and tribulations of life can drive us to the depths of despair or the heights of euphoria. From them, we learn a lot, usually about ourselves and how we responded to them. Highs can become like a drug and we seek it more and more and it can be addictive. Whereas lows, can bring us down, make us avoidant, or we may retreat, hibernate for a while.

Which ever scenario it is, we respond. So is the response a matter of fate or a matter of fact?

Is the drug of the high, whether it’s in a successful capacity or a damaging capacity, where our fate, our destiny, lies?

Are some people fated to be successful and rich because the universe says so, or is it because they are driven and worked hard? Is is because of their passion, their desire, their innate determination and tenacity? Billions of people work hard every day, but are not rich and may feel they are not successful.

Does the universe decide, well this is your fate because of the set of circumstances they are in. Perhaps they didn’t have the same opportunity as others, but none the less, work just as hard. Perhaps they are born in a poorer country that measures success in a different way to other countries.

Likewise if their drug, is literally a class A drug, or alcohol dependency, or gambling addiction, or sex addiction etc etc does that mean they are here, because that is their destiny, that is their fate?

As for the lows, the knocks, the blows that we inevitably have to accept as part of life, because that is life, it can harden people, it can soften people, it can open the minds of people, it can close the minds of people, because people have their own unique code and personality. They have their own internal set of skills to navigate and deal with life. Their own resilliences and coping mechanisms. So is that fate or personality?

Along this journey, we interact with people and places. Circumstances change and we have to adapt. Is this fate? Is this where we were meant to be in the first place, is this trial or tribulation a necessary thing to take us to this place? to this person? Perhaps. There is no knowing, is there?

I think it is a romantic notion. People often think of their relationships when they think of fate or destiny. We can make up answers to everything. We just have to speak it. Convince ourselves. Convince others. Influence others and believe that yes, it is fate.

Or, we can sit back and think i’m here because this is where I am choosing to be. On the journey, we meet people by chance. They may become an acquaintance, they may become a lot more than that, but we met them by chance. After that chance meeting, we make a choice as to what kind of relationship it will be.

We take a step in the dark sometimes, a leap of faith and hope for the best. Hope is just hope, it’s a desire, an expectation, something internal. The desire and expectation may be realised, or not. So does that mean it is down to fate or destiny? There is no way of categorically answering that question.

All we have is our own belief, our own opinion, and that is fine, we are entitled to have our beliefs and our opinions.

I have used that word before. I have had good and bad relationships. I have moved from house to house, country to country. I have met people by chance and chose to keep some close to me. I have learned a lot about myself along the way. My journey is not over. I can make connections of certain coincidences and say ‘it is fate’ and at that time I believe it to be so, but that doesn’t mean, it is the final destiny, because it can change.

There is one thing for sure and that it everything is certain to keep changing and that is all of our destiny’s.

Daily writing prompt
Do you believe in fate/destiny?
View all responses

Exploring…

Kylemore Lough, Co. Galway. Authors own image.

There’s something quite exciting and beautiful about exploring. Also a sense of wonder and perhaps a little bit daunting, going into the unknown.

I sometimes wish every day was an adventure to somewhere new or something new, but then I guess, if it was everyday, it would be less exciting to discover it, or would it?

I don’t like mundane. I don’t like feeling in a rut. I don’t like everything to be the same, every day, like groundhog day. I am easily bored, so need a challenge or a change of scenery or learn a new skill, whatever, to keep my mind stimulated.

Currently I am attempting to learn Spanish, French and Irish (Gaelic) via duo lingo. I would like to have some comprehension and understanding of it and speak it enough to get me by. Its not easy and there are times I think I will never grasp it.

Soon I will be turning 60, so I want to be fit and strong. As a girl, I loved gymnastics and was very nimble. So now, my challenge for this year, is to be able to do a handstand again, without using the wall and perhaps cartwheel and hand flicks too! I do not like the gym, but I want to go into the next decade, strong, lean and fit! The practice has begun and is hilarious. I know there are plenty of 60 year olds and 70 year olds who are very fit and strong, but alas, I am definitely not what I used to be……yet! Watch this space……

First attempt at handstand, against the wall…. tiktok @mamacita9788
Discovering what I can do, or attempt to do…….

I love being out doors, in nature, going for walks, checking out the beautiful scenery that mother nature provides.

I love entertaining, from time to time and having friends over.

Sometimes I love to do nothing but enjoy my own company, curl up on the sofa and watch tv, or read or write something. Today is one of those days!

I have just been away for a few days with a friend to Connemara. We stayed in Clifden for one night and although there was a weather warning for wind and rain, we were pleasantly surprised that we got sunshine!

The landscape in Connemara is just spectacular. Rugged, wild, majestic giants of mountains, hills and valleys. Turquoise and blue oceans. We were blessed.

En route back towards home we decided to stay elsewhere another night. Sligo, only an hour from where I live, seemed a good place. Luckily the hotel had a vacancy.

We arrived, freshened up, got changed and headed out into the town for a couple of drinks, a bite to eat and then back to the hotel for a cocktail. Spontaneous extra night of chatting, connecting and exploring another town and what it has to offer at night time.

I have not stayed in either Clifden nor Sligo before, though I have previously visited both places during the day.

The hotel in Clifden, The Abbeyglen Castle Hotel, just a few minutes walk from the town, was a lovely warm and welcoming hotel. A brief and entertaining history talk about the hotel, with complimentary prosecco before dinner, was a lovely touch. The dinner was delicious and the entertainment was a hoot. I would definitely stay again. In the lounge room, decked with several comfy chesterfield sofas, beautiful art work, objet d’art and complimentary sweets in glass jars, for the taking, what’s not to like! 10 out of 10 for the little touches as mentioned above and especially for the warm welcome and attentive service of the staff .

We were recommended two pubs in Sligo town. W B Yeats town, I might add! Connollys (opposite the Glasshouse hotel over the bridge) and Hargadons (on the main street). We had a drink in each. Nice old world type pubs, good atmosphere and a friendly crowd. Hargadons was also good for food, but we got there too late for that. They stop taking orders for food at 7.45 ! We got a nice fish and chips in another pub called the Harp because by now we were ravenous. Fish was delicious, nice light batter and not too greasy,then it was back to the hotel for a cocktail and bed!

We were well worn out after our couple of days travelling, exploring, nattering, eating and drinking. Over all, a great couple of days away, letting the landscape in to nourish the soul.

A Midnight Dreary

When love is blind, it can be hard to see the woods for the trees

Images – authors own.

Once upon a midnight dreary – inspired by Edgar Allen Poe’s, The Raven – a prompt for my writing group.

Happy he was the day he wed

The girl of his dreams, ‘I do’ he said

His heart filled with love, just bursting with joy

She so quiet, reserved, coy

A spring in his step, a glint in his eye

So happy and full, it oft made him sigh

The touch of her skin, the smell of her hair

The deep blue of her eyes

He could not help, but stare

She’d walk by the lake, a gentle stride

And carrying her book, she would escape or hide

She’d sit by the tree, the large Sycamore

And sometimes she’d lay right down on the lawn

One day, early evening, as a fog did descend

He saw her talking, he thought, to her friend

On closer inspection, he saw it a man

And wondered whether, she needed some help

He then heard laughter as she threw her head back

And saw him caress her, lay his lips on her neck

A red mist grew inside him and he spotted the gun

One shot, then two and the deed was done

Into the lake, he sailed her away

And night after night, he replayed that day

And once upon a midnight dreary

He swore he heard her sweet voice so clearly

Repeating a word, he could not make out

Until closer it got, until it was loud

‘Murderer, murderer, I’ll curse you for life

For my life had ended when you made me your wife!

Who are you?

Who are you, do you know. How many versions of you are there?

Photo by Ben Mack on Pexels.com

‘Born free, as free as the wind blows, as free as the grass grows, born free to follow your heart…...’ (song by Matt Monro)

I heard this song today for the first time in years. I used to watch the series, when I was a little girl. It was about an American couple living in Kenya who adopted a lioness called Elsa, and they basically protect her and other animals.

What occurred to me today was that, we are not really ‘born free’. Born innocent, yes, born pure yes, born without any pre-conceived ideas – tabula rasa, perhaps.

Unlike animals, who from birth, can basically stand on their own two feet and only seek their mothers aid for nourishment and sustenance, us humans depend on our mothers/caregivers for much more, in order to survive.

Over the weeks, months and years we are steered, guided, nurtured. We are told what to do, how to do it, when to do it. We are socialized. Taught how to conform, to abide by rules and regulations. We are born into a culture that will dictate our beliefs from early on. Born into a country that will dictate our language. Born into a family that will dictate our social status, initially. We can of course veer off that path and either rise above, spiral down or remain the same.

We become what we have assimilated over the years from all of our interactions, with all of our relationships, all of our roles, role models, and all of our experiences. Mix that with our own unique personality, our strengths, our weaknesses, our beliefs, our idiosyncratic ways and we become ‘someone’.

However, do we remain that someone? or can we morph into ‘one’ ‘me-one’. Do we, as we get older change our ways, change our beliefs, do our strengths ever become our weakness and our weakness become our strength? Do our roles define us. We all have more than one role. We do not merely exist in isolation.

Are we free to change? To shake off all that we believed to be true and real. Is it OK to challenge ourselves and evolve into someone else. Same face, same body, but different mindset.

Do we owe it to ourselves to shed one skin and welcome another? Should we feel bad if we choose ‘me’ exclusively, regardless of our threads and ties to anyone else and their expectation of us? Their view of us? Their idea of who we should be?

Is there a certain time in life when we can do this, or do we just dream of doing this? Should we encourage this and bid ‘adieu’ to our old self and our old set of hand me down beliefs, morals and expectations and welcome in who we are about to become.

Many times over our lifetime, I believe, we re-invent ourselves, one way or another, question ourselves, change our minds, our opinions, our expectations and standards. What seemed important once, becomes insignificant at another time. Dancing to someone else’s tune can become laborious, wearing, and grind us down.

How many of us wish to metamorphose, like the caterpillar and fly like the butterfly and be free? Live in the moment, no demands, no expectations, wipe the slate clean and start again, with fresh eyes. Unlearn everything and relearn at our own pace, dance to our own tune, assimilate our own beliefs and step into the world a new version, whether upgraded or downgraded. Above all, true to you.

Of course, this usually comes with age. Usually when we have less time in front of us than behind us. In our quest of searching for meaning, and seeking approval, we often lose ourselves, in the everyday mundane conformity of what is expected, and we deliver.

Sometimes, though, the delivery guy, not only needs a break, but needs to change course and break free…….

Photo by Pavel Danilyuk on Pexels.com

International Women’s Day

Are we Idealists or realists? We are women, we are fighters and survivors. If we have support each other and stand together, we can achieve anything!

Photo – authors own – A house of women…. Supporting & advocating for one another……

How do we empower. How do we motivate. How do we succeed in being equal?

We first of all must observe. Then we must teach, then we must learn. Women can learn from other women not just from the inequality from men.

The teaching, observing and learning must start in the home. If we have great mentors, advocates, ambassadors within the home, to build us up, make us strong, motivate us, be a role model for us, then we are off to a good start.

Even if, in the home, we see something we do not like, do not agree with, think is not right, we must learn from it,challenge it and take that ‘education’ of it outside of the home.

Take our knowledge, our beliefs our motivations, our voice and strength with us, into the world, and use it as our toolkit. We can keep adding to the toolkit, each time we feel inequality and injustice, is staring us in the face. We must reach into our bag of tools, stare right back at inequality and challenge it.

Seek out like minded people. Seek out your tribe. Help each other out. Build each other up and most of all, be there in the wings, having each others back whenever we get knocked down. Then get up again, build again, stand firm again.

The only way to succeed at anything, is to keep on trying.

From the oldest to the youngest and the youngest to the oldest a flow of ideas, ideals, experiences  and perspectives will surface. From female to female, female to male and male to female, there will of course be differences of opinion, power struggles, ideas and idealism. However, the key to be heard, is not power, but persuasion, respect, open mindedness and fairness. It is only then, that we strive for parity.

Happy International women’s day…keep on going… 

Cobblestone streets

There is always someone, or somewhere, that can take us from the darkest of places and bring us sunshine…

Photo authors own

I am just back from a 4 day trip to Bruges. I wanted to be anywhwere, but here, for Christmas.

Christmas is a time for family. Since I was 19 years old I have always entertained/hosted people on Christmas day, save for a handful of times, where people have hosted me or I have gone away, with my family.

This year I didn’t want to be with any family at all. Not because I don’t like or love them, but because I just couldn’t face it and the constant reminder of what I had lost this year, and the previous two years.

1st my best friend, next my dad and this year my mum…. All gone. My parents were old, made it to 80, my friend only 56. It does something to you, death and loss. Something that is hard to explain and  hard to navigate on any ordinary day, let alone Christmas day.

So, in order to rescue myself and my family from whatever Christmas day might do to me, emotionally, I decided being somewhere else would be better for all of us. 

So Bruges it was. I had never been, but heard a bit about it and of course, I had seen the film, ‘In Bruges’ with Colin Farrell and Brendan Gleeson – great movie, by the way.

Off we went on the 23rd December, my husband and I. As soon as I walked outside of our hotel, alongside the canal, paths of cobbled stones underfoot, and buildings so ornate, that I would stop in wonder and marvel at the workmanship of the intricate details which they bore.

Christmas twinkling lights adorned this city, high and low and showcased its magnificence. Everywhere you looked, it was picture postcard pretty.

The ‘blue light’ street lights were a beacon for light installations around the city, such as the story of the swan. Legend has it that a young woman had been imprisoned by her father for refusing to marry a man, he wished her to marry. Locked up in the basement, her only comfort was two swans that would visit every day. After she was released, she had been left a fortune which she donated to the city to continue to take care of the swans.

Another story is, a curse put on the city by Emperor Maximilian (austrian), for the torture and beheading of his friend and trusted adviser, known as ‘long neck’. As a tribute to his friend, he forced the people of Bruges to keep long neck swans on the water for all eternity, and failure to do so, would be utter ruin for Bruges.

Whichever, if true or not, the swans on the water, in the light installation, was truly a beautiful wonder to watch.

The swan story…

Over our four days, we crammed as much in as possible. We did the boat tour around the canals, we went up the Belfry, 366 steps, not for the faint hearted, but reminded me of climbing the steps of Coventry Cathedral, my original home town, many times when I was a girl.

We went into Stadhuis (City Hall)….. Amazing, beautiful elegant building, still used for council meetings and even weddings and other official receptions.

City Hall…

On Christmas day we went to mass in the Church of the Holy Blood. This is in the corner of the same square as City Hall. The mass was beautiful. Even though it was said in Flemish, it was a beautiful experience and I could follow, for the most part, where we were in the mass.

I offered up my thoughts and prayers to my loved ones and of course, asked that God keep them safe in his care. It was a a truly special mass, in a very special church, and I felt a calm and comfort there. I was glad to take them, my loved ones, on my journey there. 

I thought and pondered quite a while about, how my dad especially, had never visited such a beautiful place. He was never one to travel or go anywhere and there is so much in our own countries, towns and villages, let alone, the bigger world, that we often do not see. My dad hadn’t been much further than his own back yard.

Basicilica of the Holy Blood – Christmas day 2023

We visited several museums, including the salvador Dali exhibition, the Groeningemuseum and of course one or two biermuseums!

We ate waffles, belgian chocolate, like liquid gold melting on the tongue with its smooth creamy texture. Ribs, steaks, scallops, salads…you name it, we ate it. We drank their local beers and sampled their many beautiful restaurants.

On Christmas day, I wanted a nice restaurant and we were not disappointed. The Duc de Bourgogne, said to be one the most romantic restaurants in the Country, was simply stunning. The decor, the oppulance,  their Christmas decorations and its location, overlooking the canal, was really lovely. The staff very friendly and funny. Not too ‘stuck up’ in that you could dress smart casual, but with an air of grandness about the place. The food and wine were delicious and I would definitely recommend.

Duc de Bourgogne

Apart from the buildings, the museums, the bars, restaurants and general beauty of this city, we also met some interesting people. A couple, one from Scotland the other from England, there to celebrate her 30th birthday. 

Another couple from Oregon, they had arrived, but their luggage hadn’t. One of the guys has Belgian origin and citizenship but his partner, a true Oregon man, lived on a beautiful house boat there and was looking to sell, ohhhh if only!  Drinking the ‘fleet’ of beer in the beer museum, enjoying our cheese plate, we passed a fun couple of hours chatting and exchanging stories with them.

We met a couple, who had just got engaged, they too were from the USA. Overlooking the market, from this balcony, we chatted to them and took pictures for them on their phones. Young and in love in a beautiful city for Christmas with an unexpected proposal to boot. She was a very happy girl and he was a very happy boy – she said YES.

We chatted with a man from Turkey, a teacher, on his travels and some Mexicans, enjoying their first trip to Europe.

On our last night a couple sat by our table. He was Australian she was Russian. He was an officer on a yacht and she dealt with chartering yachts but they lived in the South of France, Antibes. Lovely place of the world to live. We visited near there once, staying in Frejus, and driving around St. Raphael (where the Auzzie had once lived), St. Tropez, Cannes and Monaco. Like I said, beautiful.

They were interesting people and we laughed alot. As interesting as their jobs seemed, they had the same ups and downs as the people serving us in the restaurant…Life is like that, the job may give a status, a lifestyle of sorts, but take the job away and we are all left in the same boat, pardon the pun. Sailing, searching for love, happiness, companionship, friendship, peace.

No matter what bumps in the road, or little stumbles (in heels) on cobbled stoned roads, there is so much out there, in the world, outside of our own little bubbles, to be explored, enjoyed, welcomed and to escape for a few days, from the normality of our lives, the sadness, the mundane, the ordinary. 

I didn’t miss not having a ‘usual Christmas’. My sadness and grief were well cloaked and diverted elsewhere, notwithstanding the fact that I had my loved ones there with me, tucked neatly away in my heart. My little escape, was just what the doctor ordered.

Our favourite little bar….

The margarita was delicious….. cheers!

Do yourself a favour, if you have never been, go to Bruges and fall in love.

We travel, some of us forever, to seek other states, other lives, other souls

Anais Nin, the Diary of Anais Nin, Vol 7:1966-1974
Couple of Coventry kids…. Lady Godiva sculpture and me
Alice..in wonderland…salvador Dali style

FATHER CHRISTMAS

No, not ready,  not this Christmas  day, give me a place to hide away.  Christmas,  its roots carved out of religion, with family at the heart  and etched in tradition

From childhood memories of excitement and wonder, tipping downstairs, skipping steps with my brothers..

‘He’s been, he’s been’, we’d exclaim with such joy, unwrapping and passing the games and new toys.

And mum would be there, a smile on her face, excited for us as we danced and embraced, eachother, our gifts,  scalextrix and dolls and dad would come in and join in the fun 

The house, it was happy on each Christmas  morn,  and father Christmas so brilliant for bringing such fun.

And mum would be busy preparing our feast, the kitchen awash with all sorts of treats…. the turkey the stuffing, she’d make it from scratch, the tastes and the flavours could never be matched.

We’d sit round the table, a family of 5…grateful and thankful what the lord had provided.  

The choir hymns  still ringing from the midnight  mass, and i’d sit in pure wonder at all that we had

For santa, he was, the father of christmas for sure, bringing peace and good will to our family’s door.

Back then we were ignorant to the true full facts, that Christmas wouldnt happen without mum and dad.

What happiness they brought with sacrifices made and now how I’ll miss  them on this Christmas day

So no, not now, not ready just yet, I’ll leave santa to the chrildren, so they wont forget, the joy and the treasure and the gift of it all the christmas, the magic, so they can recall

How special and awesome their own mothers are, allowing father christmas to capture their their sweet precious hearts.

For the mothers and fathers gone home to the lord, we’ll love you and miss you on this christmas morn…..