We get through time, somehow, after loss. This too shall pass, they say, and the intensity and immediacy of it does fade, but the feeling of loss and grief stays and reminders are what keeps us going through each new day that we have without them in this world….. blessed to have known you….. for Jackie
“like a bird singing in the rain, let grateful memories survive in time of sorrow”
At some stage in our lives we all have to experience loss. Loss of a relationship, loss of money, material things, loss of a loved one. Many many years ago when I was courting, my now husband, I broke off our relationship. He was very upset and so was I at the time, but I just felt that the time wasn’t right. Someone said to him ‘better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all’. He told me this when we got back together.
Throughout our lives we have many different types of relationships with family, friends, partners, teachers, work colleagues etc, each with varying depths and ties of commitment, love and connection. Sometimes it is easy to break the ties and other times it is very difficult, impossible even. Some ties will never be broken, whether the person is here or not. So we must count ourselves very lucky when we are able to say ‘Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all’. Loving some one and feeling love is just the most precious gift and one to treasure forever and be thankful for.
Having lost my dear friend one year ago today, I am thankful for the years we had together as friends, like sisters, thankful for the experiences we shared and the memories that linger on, to keep her alive. This post, is for her…….
Jackie………
The many times I reach for the phone, then realise
No, no now
As I take the milk carton from the fridge and in bold writing the ‘use by’ date
Is that specific date
A wasp as it weaves its way in my direction, like it’s on a mission
Reminds of you running and screaming down the isle of the bus to avoid it’s sting
When the person next to me orders a J D and Coke at the bar
When I see a Sainsbury’s bag, ad, Next, River Island or Karen Millen Label
All signs
A packet of Benson and Hedges, Marlboro Menthol, Vapes
Reminds me of players No.6 and us getting suspended from school for smoking on the bus
And having cigarettes on our person
Oh how we howled with laughter
Vaseline cream and cotton wool to take off your make up and moisturise
how you swore by it
Progressing to Lancôme, Miss Dior and any brand of lipstick, so long as the colour was right
Sunbeds, sun bathing and prickly heat
Strong tea, strong coffee and bacon ribs
Dundalk, Coventry, Nuneaton and South Carolina
Place names remain, all reminders of you
Every time I walk through my front door and your photo is there to greet me
Every pic or meme I post on Facebook, the absence of your like, emoji or comment
Reminds me of that empty space
Laughing, crying, celebrations and times of sadness
My mind transports to you
Every time I see two old ladies, talking, laughing, sitting together
My future longs for you
In the noise and the silence, every morning and the last thing at night
All reminders of you
The staghorn tree in rich rust red, standing prominent and tall
Planted in memory of you
Laughing eyes and a bright white smile
A plethora of ordinary things will continue to, thankfully,
remind me of you.
24/03/1965 – 23/09/2021
For my best friend, my sister from another mister, my heart and my thanks
We don’t have to see them, to know they are there, beside us. But when we still hear their voice, it makes the heart sing.
They say you forget, after a while, what someone looks like or sounds like, after they have passed away. Photos are always a reminder of their faces and in this day and age, we all have so many photos, thanks to our smart phones.
Voices are another matter, unless we have voice messages or video clips to physically hear them. However, today, after unpacking more of my boxes since my move I came across my old letters.
These letters are one my prized possessions. I have had them since I was 14 years old…..quite a long time ago. I knew they were packed away safely in storage but whilst they were there, my dear dear friend Jackie died. We had our last facetime in September, the night before she passed, and said our goodbyes.
Today I re-read her letters which she had written to me back in 1980. As I read them I could hear her voice, her expression, her tone, her giggle, her humour and her warmth. It was truly wonderful. In reading them she brought me back to my teens when we were full of angst, emotion, humour, confusion, sorrow and love….pretty much the same as I feel now, so nothing changes!
To Dear Jackie,
I still miss you, but thanks for it all. Keep talking to me.
Relay shun ships 
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