want to break free ?

from early on we strive to build friendships, work, build networks and build a home, but during all this ‘building’, do we ever feel overwhelmed, overburdened, overshadowed and then feel the need to break free?

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We are conditioned by nature to seek out relationships.  We are engineered by our environment as to the types of relationships we build, based on what and whom we are exposed to.  Some of us are born to our families and remain with them all of our formative years and maintain good relationships when we flee the nest.  Others do not get to stay with their family of origin but may still have some form of contact, or none whatsoever, depending on the circumstances and the circumstances can be many and varied.  We are shaped by the people around us, parents, siblings, grandparents, teachers, friends.  We learn from each other.  We build and we adapt, depending on whom we are with and what we are doing.  We often ‘go along with things’ so as not to stick out, be the odd one out, rock the boat.  To keep the peace is often the easier option. We may surpress what we really feel and deny ourselves the opportunity to be honest and open.  To do so could offend, incite an argument, evoke scrutiny that we may not wish to recall or simply we may think it is kinder to not be honest in certain situations.  After all, we all have different tastes, ideas, ideals, opinions, beliefs and perspectives, and that is fine.

Sometimes though, it can all become too much.  We are but one person.  In order to survive we NEED others, we NEED  relationships.  We need to love and be loved, to feel value and give another person a sense of value.   We need relationships on some level, for us to feel full and complete.  This can lead us to feeling good, yet overwhelmed.  As the saying goes, ‘we cannot please all of the people all of the time’.  One person, whether a mother, a father, a brother, a sister, a grandparent, a child, we must ‘interact’.  It is in the interacting with all of the people in our circle and indeed outside of our circle that can lead us to feeling overwhelmed, overburdened, overshadowed.  We can deny ourselves so much and so often, that we don’t even realise that we are denying ourselves.   It can become a way of life, a habit, and habits are easy to form yet difficult to break.

Like an animal, taken from the wild and placed in a zoo,  it can adapt to his new surroundings.  He will be fed, exposed to company, given somewhere to live, given the basic things needed to survive, but, will he be happy, all of the time or for that matter, any of the time.  Yet he stays, no option but to stay, he is so tightly monitored and guarded that his existence is secured.  He learns to adapt to his new way of life, but may still yearn for his former life, for his independence.    His offspring born in this new habitat will no nothing of the wild as they would have been born to this habitat and will not know any different….. but what is their instinct.  They may not know how to hunt, how to take care of themselves, how to survive in the wild, but perhaps they have a desire to find out.  Perhaps they have a desire to break free, perhaps their instinct is engrained in their DNA.

We are the same.  We were born into our surroundings, guided, nurtured, ensuring or needs were met.  We conform to the rules of our environment and of our society.   We built friendships, relationships, homes and families of our own.  Some of it is easy, some of it is difficult, but still we strive.  However, there comes a time, often more than once, that we may want to’ break free’.   Not necessarily forever, maybe just for a day or a week or even a few hours.  We need to break free for our sanity, for us to be us, the person we were born to be, not the person someone expects us to be.  For a short time we need to take care of us, we need to take the time to be free, to recharge, re-energise, reflect and reconnect, if we so choose.  We have to NOT deny ourselves of what we want or need. We need to practice self care, in order that we can fulfill and continue to be part of all the other relationships that we encounter and are party to.  We need to go and find something, a place, a thing, a journey, whatever it takes, but we need to find our joy,  our peace, our inner calm and ourselves.  If that means you need to break free, then break free, just do it – you need to love and have a relationship with you!

 

Picture authors own taken at Fota Wildlife Park.

 

 

Moving ?

A time comes in our lives when, at some stage, most of us move home. For others we move many times, which can be very moving

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There are many different reasons why people move.   To leave home, to move in with friends, to move in with partners, to move to a bigger house, to downsize, to move into a residential home, to move in with foster families, even to move onto the streets.  Some of it is planned, some of it is circumstantial and beyond control, but whatever the reason, there is an impact – good, bad or indifferent.

I am hoping to move, to downsize, to sell my family home and I have no idea where I will buy, yet!   I feel that the time is right.  I feel there is a new beginning waiting for me and I want to explore it.  Some could say its a mid life crises, others will say it is risky or selfish and some may say it’s brave.  whatever it is, it is my choice to make and therefore my consequence to to accept.

This garden of mine was nothing but a field 19 years ago and together, my husband and I build a home, literally.  We sourced and ordered materials, tradesmen and craftsmen and mucked in ourselves and assisted in the building of our house.  We planted every tree, every shrub and bulb that have now created a beautiful mature garden.  There are oaks, beech, laurel, italian alder, cordyline, magnolia, lilac, phormium, scotts pine, apple, pear, dogwood and many more trees and plants in our garden.

I particularly like this time of year when the bulbs are poking through and out pop the lovely daffodils, the crocus, the hyacinth and peony.    From my kitchen window, as I look down the garden, it is bursting with colour in amongst the fiery red dogwood and it makes me smile.  Soon the forsythia and cherry blossom will show off in the front garden and give a spectacular display and year after year, it never disappoints.

Not only did we grow build a beautiful home and grow and a lovely garden, we grew a family and it has been home to many more children, other than our own.  The walls of this house have seen and heard alot, of tears and laughter, of joy and sadness, of hello’s and goodbyes of ups and downs.  It is only 19 years old, but it holds a great history of all those that have lived here.  All but two of them have moved on to their own homes, their own journeys, but not necessarily their final destinations.  This is not my final destination either and I don’t think my next move will be either.

Will it be moving (as in the emotional sense) ?  Yes of course, there are so many memories here, from the laying of the foundations to  the erecting of the boundary fence. The nurturing of the children and grandchildren and watching them grow.  However, the foundations we laid in them, is far more important and powerful and  the boundaries of memories, know no bounds, so will stay with us all, no matter where we are.

I hope therefore, whomever buys my home, will love it as much as the love that went into it and be happy here.   For me, it has served it purpose and it is time for me to try something else new.  To lay some new foundations and plant a new life, with all my memories tucked safely away and  where some new memories will be made.  Whether I am crazy, or selfish, taking a risk or being brave, it matters not, what matters is that I am moving, moving forward and exploring the next stage of this thing called Life !

 

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Photo by Vicky Tran on Pexels.com

 

Do you Smoke?

Going for a check up ‘down there’ is never a pleasant experience and always embarrassing, but unfortunately it is necessary….

 

 

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Photo by Min An on Pexels.com

We have had a terrible amount of tragedy here in Ireland in relation to the Cervical Smear Scandal.   Tragedies, which could have and should have been avoided.  Women who have or are dying of cervical cancer, which needn’t have and shouldn’t have.  Human error.  Human mistake.  It has and is costing lives.  Taking women away from their families, husbands, children, friends, THEIR life,  THEIR  future.

If anything has come out of the ‘massive blunder’, it is that more women are heading to their G.P surgery for the dreaded smear test.  Others are still waiting in anxious anticipation that their results will be good news.   My own adult children have attended recently to get their smear test done.  There is a 5 MONTH wait on expected results.  That is a long long time to be worried, particularly if you have any sort of ‘symptoms’ going on ‘down there’

Symptoms can include, spotting, soreness, painful intercourse, increased discharge, unexplained back pain…….  My personal experience, years ago, when I did indeed have ‘symptoms’ and begged for a smear, was told I was too young.  Too Young….    I was 23.    I was planning my wedding.  I experienced painful intercourse.  I was told to go to a sex therapist, that there was nothing wrong with me, it was all in my head…. I was too young.

Long story short, I went to the sex therapist…. It was still sore……   I badgered my G.P again and again to do more smears…. I wanted a baby once I was married, but  thought if I can’t get anything in, how the hell can I get anything out!

I changed my status from single to married, endured painful intercourse and  also changed G.P.  after several ‘clear’ smear test results.  Roll on a couple of years I finally found a G.P that LISTENED to me.  Sent me to see a Gynaecologist.  As he was about to examine me, and I was totally mortified with embarrassment, he asked ‘Do you smoke’.  My first reaction was to look where he was probing, to see how could he tell.  Were there tell tale signs down there!!  I felt doubly embarrassed then.

Finally,  after listening to my tale of clear smears for the last couple of years,  sex therapist sessions and still painful intercourse, he arranged for me to have a  colposcopy, where a scan of the ‘area’ is done and a biopsy is taken.

‘Oh yes my dear, there is definitely something wrong here’ were his exact words as he was ‘scanning’.   Relief, was my first emotion, that I was not indeed mad or frigid!  Terrified was my next emotion.   I had to wait 2 weeks for the results and I can tell you it was 2 weeks of hell on earth.

My cells were at precancerous stage.   Any longer and it would have developed into cervical cancer proper and I would not be here to tell the tale.  My point is this.  Had I not insisted and badgered and kept going back to my G.P by the time I had other ‘ symptoms’ it would probably have  been too late.  It took me several clear smears, over 2 years and a colposcopy and all the embarrassment that went with it to find out, there was indeed a problem.

I was treated almost immediately in hospital and stayed 5 days for them to blast and burn the cells, in 2 areas ‘down there’ and was followed up every 6 months thereafter for a couple of years..  At age 30 I had a hysterectomy due to other reasons, but the fear of Cervical Cancer had now been totally eliminated.

I still have no idea why the gynaecologist asked ‘Do you smoke’.  I’m still hoping there is no way of telling by looking at said region, but I was too embarrassed to ask him, why did he ask me that, so I will never know!

So for all females out there, get over the embarrassment and get the test done.  If you are not totally happy, even with a clear result, go badger your doctor for a Colposcopy…. it may just save your life.  Lets not have any more Mistakes!

 

That’s me in the Corner

When everything else looks the same, when you are looking at what you expect to see, take a look closer. Look for something that seems different, look for the unexpected and you many well have your mind opened and be so totally pleasantly surprised……

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I think of the words of R.E.M…… just look at them and think about them…

Oh, life is bigger
It’s bigger
Than you and you are not me
The lengths that I will go to
The distance in your eyes
Oh no, I’ve said too much
I set it up
That’s me in the corner
That’s me in the spotlight
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don’t know if I can do it
Oh no, I’ve said too much
I haven’t said enough
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try
Every whisper
Of every waking hour
I’m choosing my confessions
Trying to keep an eye on you
Like a hurt lost and blinded fool, fool
Oh no, I’ve said too much
I set it up
Consider this
Consider this
The hint of the century
Consider this
The slip that brought me
To my knees failed
What if all these fantasies
Come flailing around
Now I’ve said too much
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try
But that was just a dream
That was just a dream
That’s me in the corner
That’s me in the spotlight
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don’t know if I can do it
Oh no, I’ve said too much
I haven’t said enough
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try
But that was just a dream
Try, cry
Why try?
That was just a dream, just a dream, just a dream
Dream

These words can be interpreted in many different ways. For me, it brought to mind my wonderful grandson. Last night he participated with his school and other schools in our National Opera House in a concert called ‘Sing out Loud’. The Irony is, my grandson cannot speak. He is non verbal and has autism.

As I watched him, with immense pride, I was amazed at how he managed to stay on the stage for an hour and a half, with others, singing and dancing and playing instruments. It was indeed a spectacular show. I was truly mesmerized. I was particularly in awe and mesmerized with my grandson.

Children/people with autism are very sensory and react, often in a negative way to sensory overload. The noise on that stage, to him, must have been so bombarding on his hearing that he must have thought his ear drums would burst. Instead, my heart bursted with pride, at how he stood there, and at times sat, but nevertheless, he remained there, on the stage, at all times, with his peers, PARTICIPATING in a SING OUT LOUD, concert.

It was a full house. I knew he had autism, his father and his brother and a few other people who know our family, know he has autism. The rest of the audience did not. I imagine most were too busy watching with pride, their own family members on the stage. However, if they did happen to notice the boy, wearing the ear phones, NOT SINGING, and wondering, what he was doing there, let me tell you. He was being INCLUDED. He was being acknowledged and recognised by his teachers, by his school, as a person who could and should be allowed to participate in, and be engaged by, and with, what they were doing on that stage – having fun!

At school he has begun to communicate through a model called R.P.M. (Rapid Prompting Method). He touches a stencil, one letter at a time, in between his stimming and perceived lack of concentration, and his teacher (and his mother, my wonderful daughter, manages to get some words down, spelled out by him – (by the way he has taught himself to read and spell out words, because before RPM, it was considered that he would not learn like ‘typical’ children learn…. How wrong was EVERYONE!

Today, his teacher did an RPM session with him in school :-

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Could we, as his family, be any more proud or in awe of him? NOOOOOOOO . He is wonderful. He is incredible. He is astonishing. He is important. He is entitled to be included. He is not an empty vessel. He is trying, so hard, to communicate. He is patient. He is kind. He is funny. He is sometimes isolated. He is amazing. He is hope. He is our everything. He is ENTITLED to be loved and acknowledged as a typical person. He just cannot speak…… He tries. He stimms… Do not think he is not a worthy person. He is, and more. He has to do more to prove is worth. He has to stand on a stage, with his peers, with them singing and joining in, while he stands there, with his toothbrushes, which he loves, and he has to look on, and endure the noise and the lights and the heat, and the stares and the knowing looks, some may give him, but he perseveres and he stays there, and he enjoys himself, BECAUSE, he has been included. He has been ACCEPTED as an equal to his ‘typical’ peers.

So, the next time you see a person, who may look or act or seem a little strange, remember our boy and the joy he communicated the day after he was treated like his ‘typical’ peers.

Always look for the extraordinary, for the odd one out, for the boy in the corner, and you may well be so suprised with what you will find out! Smile at him, accept him and know how amazing he actually is. Believe in the unbelieveable and never judge a book by its cover…… There is a whole new world inside!

When it rains…..

Is it too much to ask for sunshine everyday? Is it too much to be ‘happy’ every day? If it never rained, then the grass would never be green and if it wasn’t green, we wouldn’t try to get to the otherside…. right?

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It’s raining outside, in fact there has been another weather warning! Status yellow, gusty wind and heavy rain. No hurricanes, no real structural damage predicted, just drive with caution, take it easy, keep your distance from the cars in front, for to be too close you will surely skid into them if you need to suddenly break!

A similar warning could be or perhaps should be announced for stormy relationships. After all, they are not always sunshine and flowers. Sometimes they are thunderous and and miserable. Sometimes it may only be a ‘status yellow’ where a little ruffling or prickling of just ‘uncomfortableness’ rears it’s nasty head

The weather, unfortunately, we have no control over. We have to wake up and hope for the best. The ‘best’ depends on what you are hoping for. If you are a farmer for example you may welcome the rain. If you are a sun worshiper you may always hope for sunshine. To always have rain or sunshine is not realistic or healthy, so mother nature gives us a measure of both, this side of the hemisphere anyway, to try to keep the ecology balanced, lush and green.

We do, however, have control over our relationships, but it does depend somewhat intrinsic or extrinsic motivation, needs and wants. It also depends on our patience, tolerance, and level of self worth does it not? Some may think grass is greener on the other side, no matter what type of relationship they are in…. Whether it parent/child, peer to peer, siblings or a romantic relationship. Far away fields often look greener.

The thing is, should we try to cross the fence and see, just how much greener it is, how much better it is, how better life would be? I heard a piece of advice last week during the Wexford Literary Festival, where an author said ‘if we were in a room full of people and we were all to put our disabilities, struggles, stresses etc into a magic bowl in the center of the room, and were asked to take one out, we would probably all take our original one out.

Think about that for a minute, then answer honestly, would you take the same ‘thing’ out of the bowl? Better the devil you know sort of thing, OR, would you chance it, would you edge your bets, would you risk taking a risk? Would you check out the potential of the lush green grass in the far away field or would you hide under the duvet?

It depends! It always depends on many different varying factors, on motivation and other things. Isn’t it exciting though, like when a weather alert comes, it can be somewhat ‘exciting’. The anticipation of what is going to happen! Yes we prepare, we batten down the hatches, we stock up on essentials and we wait it out. We may see something spectacular or extraordinary in the storm, like flashes of fork lightening brightening up the skies. We may see or hear something devastating too. The thing is, we see or hear or feel something, something different. Something out of the ordinary. Something that takes us out of our comfort zone.

What we do after the storm is up to us. We can go on as normal like nothing ever happened and continue with life as we know it, OR, we pick up the pieces, rearrange them, re build them and begin again.

Sometimes to remain is the scariest thing of all, because, what if, what if we miss something, something truly magnificent in taking the risk to not only learning to dance in the storm, but to embrace it, to throw caution to the wind, to be flung from one place to another, without a safety net and to take the risk of trying out that greener grass.

Better to fail by trying than to fail by not trying at all……..

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Angry or hurt?

its an emotional thing, but is it anger or is it hurt and depending on what it is, what can be done?

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They are words that are said and used alot. All walks of life, in everyday conversations. I was angry, I am hurt. I was angry so I hurt him. He hurt me so I got angry and slashed his tyres!

She hurt me so I pushed her. My boss upset me so I came home and kicked the cat!

Anger can therefore invoke an action, a loss of control and a harmful reaction.

Hurt is the pain, like a wound, an ache, invoking a sadness, a physical pain or emotional pain.

When someone is angry, usually, there is an underlying emotion which triggers the anger, the loss of control and to get to understand the anger, we must look to the source of the emotion or feeling triggering and driving it.

(In)security, (in)feriority, (in)adequacy, (un)worthy , fear, frustration, exclusion, isolation:

These are but a few words that can trigger anger or indeed hurt because the two are often married together. Simply put when someone is angry it doesn’t mean that they are not hurting. When someone is hurting, it doesn’t mean that they don’t feel angry. they can also happen separate from each other. The real power, is what do you do with the anger, do you react to it by losing control, or do you take control by unraveling it and peel back the layers to see what indeed is driving it.

When we are hurt physically, as in, have an injury we have to usually rest to help to recover the injury, otherwise the injury may never recover and heal properly. If we are hurt emotionally, the same can apply. ‘Rest ‘the feeling. Acknowledge and recognise it. Let it lie, let it be quiet, let it scream and cry, let it heal. Make yourself absent and don’t react with anger, for then, you are out of control. Process the event which caused the hurt, understand how it has affected you and call it out. Know the damage it has caused and feel the scars it has left whether it can be repaired or not. Take control and use your hurt as a guide to get you back on your feet and back to recovery. Don’t let the hurt make you a victim, let it teach and empower you

During our life we have to hurt and feel pain and we certainly get angry at some point or another, sure as night follows day. What it ultimately boils down to is how we manage it, how we value and protect ourselves. There is a saying that in order to give love, you must, first of all, love yourself. In loving and valuing yourself first, you can then decide to be in control of how you respond to the anger and the hurt that you will encounter on this life’s journey.

As the title says, life is simple, its just not easy! But no matter what, keep it cool and stay in control!

Inphoto by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Back to School

For some it is a great sense of relief to get back to school after the long summer holidays of missing friends and routine. For others it is a sense of dread, angst and trepidation, knowing they are going back to face the bullies. So what can be done to ensure that our children are safe when they leave home to go to school?

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I remember when I was young thinking that the school summer holidays were way too long. I went to school in the UK until I was 14 and we had 6 weeks off in the summer. SIX weeks, wow that was such a long time. I loved school and I missed my friends and classmates over the holiday period. I couldn’t wait to go back to the ritual of the routine, and slot back in again to student life. It was a happy time. That was until I moved school because we moved to another country. I was made to feel unwelcome almost immediately, mainly by a particular teacher. I was different you see. I spoke with a different accent, an English one, a very unwelcome one, back in the ’70’s in rural Ireland. Even though my parents and grandparents and entire set of ancestors were Irish, I was an outcast from the offset.

I had a hard time a lot of the time. It was bad enough trying to readjust to my new surroundings, my new home, a new country, away from my friends and all that was familiar to me without the added dread of going to school to be ridiculed, ignored, picked on and verbally insulted. It was outright bullying. It gave me feelings that I didn’t care to have. It made me feel sad, bad, ostracised, unwelcome, angry. I went from loving school to dreading school. I went from thinking six weeks summer holidays was way too long to 3 months in Ireland being not nearly enough. Looking back, the only thing I am thankful for is that back then, when I got home, I was safe. Home was my sanctuary. Home was where I did not have to worry, I did not have to be on high alert, I would not be tormented there.

These days it is a different story for kids going back to school. This is the technocological age of progress and ‘all things can be done in an instant’. The sad thing is, that goes for bullying too, and there is no escape, there is no sanctuary of home anymore. Why, because these days most of the school age population (secondary school) have mobile phones, have some form of social media, whether it is snap chat, facebook, instagram and some other things I haven’t even a clue what they are! The bullying does not necessarily stop at the school gate, or the school bus stop. It follows you home. It doesn’t stop. It can be constant. It is exhausting. It is often SILENT. It is ALWAYS dangerous. It gets into the mind and can be so destructive that some victims cannot cope. They may appear to be ‘functioning’ on the outside, but what is going on, inside, inside their heads. Do they have regular tummy ache? are they distracted, quiet, forgetful, preoccupied,  depressed, hiding in their room with their phone. Are they asking for more money? are they irritable, aggressive, weepy, off their food, having sleeping problems. Do they have unexplained bruises and pass it off as, ‘it happened in P.E’. Are some of their belongings missing, pens, bag, purse, books etc.  Are they making excuses for skipping school, lessons, homework.

All to often the problem is that bullying has not gone away.  Despite everywhere having an anti bullying policy.   Despite the fact that there is more awareness and education about bullying in the education system, it is still very prevalent today.  So what can be done if your child is being bullied or if you suspect your child is being bullied?  Talk.  Talk to them, talk to the school and if possible, talk to the person doing the bullying in a safe environment.  Often a bully has issues of their own, that they are finding difficult to deal with and so take it out on someone else – a ‘kick the cat’, sort of response and misplace their anger and frustration onto someone weaker, more vulnerable, an easy target  is the perfect option.

Monitor your child’s use on their phone.  Have strict rules around the phone and do not let it go into the bedroom with them.  Talk to them about keeping them safe and protected.  They are young and have young and immature and very impressionable minds.  You are their parent, you DO KNOW best.   If they need a phone to contact you, consider buying a handset that is NOT a smartphone.  Let home become their sanctuary.  Let home be their safe place.  Work on strategies that your child can use to help them protect themselves, to help them stand up for themselves and ultimately stand up to their bully.  A bully will soon tire,  if they are not getting anywhere with a someone they perceive to be weak, and leave them alone.

Out of all of the children I have had and looked after 2 were bullied at school and after school waiting for their bus.  Two children separated by  12 years in age, but both were 16 at the time of their bullying and assaults.  At the time of the first one, there was no such thing as social media, so she would come home and tell us what was happening and we dealt with it the best way we could and it was soon nipped in the bud.   Home was her safe place.     The second child that was bullied did have a phone at the time, but it was not a smart phone, so there was no social media bullying for her either.   We chatted about what happened.  We spoke about strategies and ways in dealing and coping with  the bullying and how to build up my child’s strength and resilience.  Not only to challenge herself but also to challenge her bully.  To stand up to her bully, no matter how scared she felt,  and let the bully know, in no uncertain terms,  that  the bullying behaviour was not acceptable and that there would be serious repercussions if it continued.  We were lucky,  in that it worked and the bullying stopped and my child’s confidence, resilience  and resolve grew stronger.

There are however, cases of bullying which have dire circumstances and ultimately very tragic ones.   I particularly remember the case of Phoebe Prince, the Irish girl who moved to America and was bullied so much she took her own life.    The only positive to come out of that tragic case is that the people who bullied her were held accountable and were charged and convicted of harassment and civil rights violations.  Stricter bullying laws were introduced also as a result.  Many more children, home and abroad, are victims of bullying and have also attempted or committed suicide.  Isn’t it time, we took stock, isn’t it time we did something more, especially as far as social media is concerned, to keep our children protected and safe.  They may look fine on the outside.  You may think they are just sullen, cranky teenagers, but maybe, there is something more going on.

It is very frustrating for parents who know something is going on but feel that they or their child is not being listened to or heard.  We have a crumbling and almost broken mental health service.  People are being left crippled with fear and anxiety over what can they do next.  They say it takes a whole village to raise a child, so we need to come together, as a community to help and support each other.  To help and support our vulnerable children.  To talk and keep talking to our children.  To reassure them, to empower them, to help them, even if it is they who are doing the bullying, understand why, get to the bottom of it.  Lets stop treating the symptoms of bullying, lets try to get to the root of it and eradicate it ….. for everyone’s sake.

 

 

https://www.cbsnews.com/pictures/victims-of-bullying/

https://www.independent.ie/irish-news/school-in-the-us-was-like-something-from-a-film-all-the-little-cliques-were-there-sister-of-bullying-victim-phoebe-prince-36068953.html