Tag: #grief

I think of everything in terms of ‘before’

especially when I look at photos,

or where I was on a certain day, occasion, that sort of thing.

For instance, a week before I knew, I brought the girls to see the new house.

A day before, I knew, I drove up to Sligo for a week-end of pampering

and relaxation, because he was due to have major surgery the following week.

The next day would become the ‘day I knew’.

It was the day before I collected the keys to the new house and you were to soon come to visit.

That day, was the day that the world changed.

That was the day that became ‘before’.

Everything after this day, became dark and grew darker with each passing day.

Until 9 days later it grew so dark it was black, because now you were gone.

You were gone and we were all still here, bereft, bewildered, lost

in shock, despairing and gasping for air.

Nine days of clinging on to hope, searching and praying for a miracle,

but it wasn’t to be.

It’s almost three years now, yet everything since then, after then,

has been foggy, unstable.

The shift is like an un-anchoring of a ship, and the ship

is adrift, wading through unknown waters and somehow stays afloat,

but it’s rocky out there a lot of the time.

And when calm waters come , it give a sense of solace, for a short time.

Until the remembering slaps so sharply and slams the reality of it all

so intensely that the ship almost tips over and sinks.

Before you left, the world was so much brighter and lighter

and after? Well, I carry you in my heart, every minute of every day

The day ‘I Knew’ photo authors own – ‘waiting on the shore’ Rosses Point, Sligo