Broken…

Sometimes, especially in youth, things seem so big that they are insurmountable, but then you often realise that it is the little things that really matter and that anything can be achieved. Every day is a new day to start again, regardless of the big or the little thing. As we age and mature, what was the ‘big thing’ will often pale into insignificance and what was the ‘little thing’ is often the most important thing. Its called perspective.

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Surrounded by her family, yet feeling so alone

all is safe and peaceful, in this happy family home

but as she sat at the table, concealing how she feels

the hurt and desperation are really very real

she doesn’t want to burden them, or tell them they were right

instead she’ll keep it with her and end it all tonight

she wants to say she loves them, but her throat begins to close

the words are trapped and stuck there, of the secret no one knows

growing up is difficult, but then to be betrayed

of the love in a relationship, how could she possibly stay?

for when the drink was taken, a monster he became

no one could control him, or even make him tame

so as much as he said he loved her, his fists said otherwise

no more could she bare the agony of the beatings or the lies

not yet even twenty, yet she felt life had no meaning

ashamed of what she’d put up with, had left her true self reeling

so as she went to bed that night, she studied all the pills

they only way to stop the pain – it had been a a battle of the wills

she thought about her family, and she began to cry

deep down inside, within her heart, she didn’t want to die

she knew no other way to stop the hurt and pain

and so she took all the pills and on her bed she lay

sometimes without explanation, an intervention occurs

for when she woke the next morning a ‘voice’ had spoke to her

it’s not your time to go now, don’t be so alarmed

the tablets that you’ve taken, have left you quite unharmed

go and live your life, you are stronger than you think

and then the voice disappeared as quick as she could blink

she felt a little groggy, astounded and so shocked

but soon she felt the strength enough, but her secret would stay locked

she swore she would do something, and make her life worthwhile

no more being trod upon and soon she would smile

now when she looks back on that time, oh so long ago

she’s thankful for that ‘intervention’, that helped to make her grow

and realised that a mind so young, can be easily disturbed

and loose sight of what can be achieved, if we share and we observe

so when around the table, at family dinner time

be sure to check with your young ones, that they are doing fine

and if they appear distant or even a little aloof

sometimes that is just enough to offer you some proof

that maybe all is not so well, so tread kindly and be open

let them know you’re there for them, and would help if they feel broken

it may must be the start, that they feel that they can tell

when all that’s going on in their life, is really not going so well.

The Lock down lowdown

What the lock down means to me…

At first I was quite looking forward to the lock down. For me, personally, it mean just having to stay home and, well, potter. My other half is looking forward to retirement so that we can just go about our days, as we please and just potter. He is still working, so lock down for him is different than my lock down, but we do enjoy our walks on his days off and potter in the garden!

Getting a new sky box and Netflix coincided with lock down and boy, am I glad about that! For the first two weeks of lock down, I feel the most productive I was each day, was to actually get washed and dressed, albeit in very comfy lounge wear. I basically sat and watched t.v soooo much that the hours just flew by and before I knew it, it was time to make the dinner! I very, very, very rarely ever watched t.v during the day, so this was a new venture for me and I must admit, I quite liked it and soon became accustomed to it. I ‘blame’ Netflix or should I say I ‘thank’ Netflix, because not only does it produce great series, it was also a great distraction from what was going on.

I admit that I over indulged on sky news too in the beginning, so much so that all I was talking about or thinking about was Covid- 19, risks, social distancing, cocooning, deaths, front line workers, PPE, contagion, hand washing and staying isolated. Of course I was worried, nervous and fearful that any of my loved ones may contract the virus and though I missed them, I was glad they were safe in their homes with their children and that my parents were safely cocooning in their home.

I missed them of course and the children but so long as I knew they were safe I began to settle and watch less sky news and more Netflix. Distracting the mind is very liberating and a new focus gives a new perspective. I consider myself blessed to be able to sit in the comfort of my home, have a garden to enjoy and be able to stay in contact with family with technology, like face time and also window visits.

With all this time on my hands, I thought I would get through the contents of my book cases in my reading room and read all my unread books, but in fact I have only read a few. I love to have my books around me, even the unread ones, especially the unread ones, because it leaves something still to be discovered. My reading room is my quiet space, to sit and relax to read and to write, to be quiet, by myself and to just ‘be’.

I finally decided enough day time t.v and tackled an outbuilding, once used as my business of a beauty salon and once used as a little pre school, ran by my daughter, which then got relegated to be a dumping ground for all things bright and beautiful…..not!

So the decluttering began, the stuff for charity to one side, the stuff to give away to another side and the stuff to throw out, in the skip. It is very cathartic to have a good clear out. Because of social distancing I left the free stuff at the front of my drive, for people nearby, to take for free, if they so wished. I am happy to say the stuff was taken and is now someone else’s pleasure. The stuff for charity is still awaiting the shops to open, but is neatly stored. Now my outbuilding has finally become my studio, to paint, to upcycle, to sew, to use the treadmill, to potter.

I may sound greedy having a reading room and now a studio too, but what this lock down has really highlighted for me is that we need time for ourselves, to be able to get lost in a project or hobby or just to ‘be’. To discover and shift our focus. To be content with what we have and to see a potential of what we can achieve .

I read about people tik toking, baking, cooking, sewing, all kinds of creative ideas have come from those in lock down. Two of my own children at home with their children, instead of rushing out the door to work or chasing their tail with all the chores and errands that need to be done, it has given them quality time together, which is priceless. Another daughter working on the front line with the NHS and happy to do so, to do her part in these very strange times, and without grumbling, she is a treasure.

So I am still enjoying the lock down and embrace it for the good of myself, my sanity and freedom to express, for my family and of course, the front line workers who do not enjoy the same sense of freedom that I have at the moment. I applaud their hard work, tenacity and their sacrifice, so the least the rest of us can do is embrace the lock down and find a way to shift the focus.

love hearts in the road… always a good sign

The haunting

Genre :   Horror

Action :   Washing a car

Word   :   Fame

NYC 100 word microfiction challenge

The smell of sulphur filled the room and woke her up.  It was pitch black.  She hurriedly turned on the bedside lamp, knocking over the famed naked photo of herself washing a car.

The stench was putrid now.  She moved tentatively towards the closet, goosebumps pricked her skin. An ice cold breeze swept by her face.  ‘Ahhh’ she screamed as the door flung open slamming her to the floor.  Scrambling to get up, screaming and punching the air, she was silenced.  Cold hands around her throat, eyes bulging.

You worry too much ….

Even as they grow, the worrying never stops

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You worry too much; she says with a laugh…..

It’s not funny to me

But 17 years old, her head full of ideas

No clue of the reality that drives my fears

You worry too much, rings in my ear……

It’s a mother’s job

Get them ready to flee the nest

Prepare them well to do their best

You worry too much; I know what I’m doing……

I’m happy and sad

I want her to soar and not be hurt

Be treated well and not like dirt

You worry too much; it will be O.K……

Too trusting she is

Easily led by so called friends

Who’ll take from her and not make amends

You worry too much; she says with a sigh…….

I know her weakness

Beats herself up at the hint of criticism

Facing into a world full of scepticism

You worry too much I say to her….

Some things don’t matter

It’s the beauty within that shines so bright

Imperfections outside don’t dim the light

You worry too much what people think….

Be true to yourself

Show kindness to others but also to you

Sort the wheat from the chaff and know who is who

You worry too much of material things

They don’t matter

Honesty and truth, integrity and grit

Keep them with you always in your precious tool kit

We worry too much because we care

It’s a battle

It comes from within, deep in the gut

It comes from the heart which is full of love

Mayday….

Mayday Mayday can you hear me

We are a nation in distress

We are being savaged by a virus and

We’re all just doing our best

Well some, more than others they

Show up time after time

They are the doctors and the nurses

Working on the front line

We are spared the horror

 and dread that they must face

safely locked away

 in our own special place

But there can lie another terror

One you may not see

The scars and wounds will

Long be etched in our memory

Some at home, are far from safe

Not just from the virus

Another fear may reside in the form of domestic violence

No escape, where can they go

To seek safe sanctuary

Mayday Mayday please, can you hear me

What about the clusters, in our nursing homes

Distanced from friends and families, feeling quite alone

The PPE, well where is it, to keep the staff all safe

Platitudes and promises won’t keep them from the grave

Businesses and mortgages spiralling out of control

The fear of death and the fear of debt, new commodities to own

We look to our world leaders and put in this request

Save us from this burden at humanities behest

Let us come together and strive to each help each other

No profit or loss should be accounted

For He aint heavy, he’s my brother

Mayday Mayday can you please hear me

We are a world in distress

We need an intervention to help clear up this mess

We shall learn to be kinder in treating our fellow man

And strip things back and start again before it all began

Let’s view with eyes that see despair and decide not to fight

Take hold of the power and use it best to set the world right

This virus has shown it doesn’t care if you are rich or poor

It can travel through any nation and any status at all

The graves we dig are all the same depth when it’s time to go

Followed by grief and loss and despair, hearts full of sorrow

Help ease those sad and fearful hearts and put in a better plan

Cos the world is just the world if it doesn’t have man

Let’s not destroy it or tear it apart for it is a beautiful place

The seas, the rivers the mountains and sky, all so full of grace

and when we finally get through this we need to show we care

By reflecting and by doing and by making the world fair

No more looking down or even feeling entitled 

Peace and power can go hand in hand 

With ambition that’s unbridled

To heal the world and fellow man and stop being so greedy

Take the wealth and hand it out and help  prop up the needy

Mayday Mayday,  are you listening,  can you help us out

If we don’t heed, what we’re doing

Then it was all for now’t

When…

all we are certain of is now….

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When the buds unravel and unfurl in their splendour

it’s time

when a heart skips a beat and you get lost in loves wonder

it’s time

when a mother first sees you and holds you in her arms

it’s time

when a loved one takes their last earthly mortal breath

it’s time

when the moon and stars shines light in the darkness

it’s time

when the sun’s warm embrace soothes and rests on your face

it’s time

when sadness, hurt and despair are choking and squeezing you

it’s time

and when faith and hope and love collide, and give reason and understanding, it gives power in the now, this hour, this second, this moment in time

it’s time to embrace and endure to look and to listen, to feel and to heal, respect and accept

it’s time

Julia

a time to remember our loved ones on national poetry day and remember the strengths and weaknesses that can tie us together….

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What a fair and curious child little Julia was

Happy to sit and play and dance and gather up the moss

A tall man would come from just up the road

his house so very different, from the house where she had grown

he’d pay her a visit from time to time, she was thrilled for such attention

for a child so young she would notice her siblings got no mention

and as she played in the bog, others around would tease her

still, merrily in her naivety, she wouldn’t let it displease her

sometimes he’d give her a penny and place it in her hand

she’d curl her fingers around it, and wonder about this man

she never quite knew why he came to spend time with her alone

He’d wander from the big house, the one that made the quarry stone

she just a farmer’s daughter tending to their lot

fierce with pride and dignity they took care of what they got

her daddy with his callused hands and furrows on his brow

looked tired and worn and beaten down, his eyes full of sorrow

many mouths to feed he ploughed right on and his eldest daughter helped

as she swept and cleaned and cooked for those, up at the big house

her mother busied daily, keeping Julia close by her side

this little child she loved so much had filled her heart with pride

for Julia was only 4 years old in the year of 1916

unaware of the trouble and toils that came from the Easter Rising

A simple carefree country girl now the only one left at home

Her big brother and big sister, to England they had flown

But still he came, the tall gentleman, and sit and sip some tea

Cautious in how he spoke to her and to her mammy

Polite in his manner, he wore a rather tall hat

Always tipped, then took it off and laid it on his lap

A man with many children, he had a large family

Julia never understood, ‘why does he come see me’

His older son was sent away when he was only 16

To join the British army and has not been back to Meath

Well that was 4 years ago now and though he is very proud

There is something hanging over his head like a big grey cloud

Mammy seems a little sad, when the man comes by to chat

But she is polite and kind to him and Julia is pleased with that

When Julia is only 9 years old the man could come no more

Some say it was a broken heart, but they cannot be sure

Not yet a man of 60, his time had come to pass

No more would he wander down from the big stone house

As Julia grew older it was time to tell the truth

The tall man was her grandpa, yet she didn’t have a clue

Her mammy was really her nanny and raised her as her own

And her ‘mammy’ was her sister where to England she had flown

And later on after that her ‘father’ too would visit

Back from the British Army, he came back home to Meath

Always through a veil of somewhat secrecy

George would visit Julia with his new wife, the Lady

And though she felt quite happy that they would come for tea

It was a reminder of how very proud she was of her strong family

For back in the year 1912 it must have been unnerving

But strength and pride and dignity were qualities they were preserving

Breathe…

Breathe, said the river as it whispered to the sea
Something is happening, the cowslip is growing free
Bees are feasting on the broom, a delicious yellow delight
Happy in their busy dance, what a wondrous sight
Birds surveying the landscape in noisy melody
Observing all the changes as he flies from tree to tree
And the mountains echo as the hawk and eagle soar
The beasts, the deer’s the elephants, gave a triumphant roar
Breathe whispered the estuary as it washed into the sea
Look at the fishes dancing, oh so merrily
The crabs the sharks the jellyfish, maintain their habitat
No longer caught in the destruction of man, and all that came with that
but as the mist is lifting, like a bride to be’s veil
We see the glorious beauty, of a world that never fails
Just as mother nature, intended it to be
Her creation will provide enough for the likes of you and me
For a while she was raging and her arteries were blocked
Choking, coughing spewing and dying with toxic shock
So breathe said the wind, as it sent out clean fresh air
The people get the message and now they’re feeling scared
Let’s hope they remember the devastation caused
As they watch the planet breathe again, when they were put on pause

Shakespeare

Did you know the extent of the words we use today are attributed to Shakespeare…. There are 422 bona fide words apparently

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Known to have invented/coined/minted over 400 new words, I have put a few (61) together here for my amusement. They are in italics… Enjoy

An Ode to fellow writers who like the written word

I may unearth a little tale that you may think absurd.

 I was born not far from Stratford, birthplace of the ‘Bard’

 easily accessible from my old front yard.

  Well to your amazement you might find this lacklustre

 that I wasn’t really into him, though he was an indistinguishable buster.

 Is not that he’s disgraceful, distrustful or distasteful,

 he simply wasn’t my cup of tea; I know I sound ungrateful.

 I’m not being sanctimonious or engaging in rumination

but I’d rather hang out, if I could with an ill-tempered Dalmatian.

 I know for others, he is king and really hard to rival

 but I think I’m more impartial to reading the blessed bible!

 I’ve been to his house a few times as I’m a little fascinated,

of course the tour began downstairs with a honey-tongued man named David

He had a hunchbacked girlfriend, she was quite a hoot

If she mixed up her lines however, he would show his hobnail boot!

David was ill-tempered this I can’t deny

I heard at their engagement, she had a little cry

I told her not to dwindle, that he was too domineering

she ought to end this courtship and audition for the ‘girl with the pearl earring’.

I don’t mean to be critical but some things just must be said

Of course its circumstantial but I’m not really that well read

I don’t think Shakespeare was fair-faced, he’d had a lot of exposure

but his plays and poems were equivocal in written word disclosure

In his pretty garden there is a rather large footfall

Of people listening to his ‘Acts’; not out playing football

I came across a fortune-teller, suffering with leaky gut

She was a promethean psychic, with a rather large butt

What she said was priceless, over credulous more like

So I became a little hostile and slept on it that night

I think she was a madwoman of that I must lament

she told me that Will Shakespeare, at night to her was sent

as he watched her undress he would have a fitful fap

and when he had quite finished, she would stand up and clap

You see why I am so fretful at this foulmouthed hot-blooded woman

Why would she just stand there while the Bard was ‘coming’

What an auspicious story, it makes me want to shudder

I think she must be lonely and her mind is in the gutter.

His house is quite a wonder, nook-shotten here and there

I even saw his marriage bed when I went upstairs

The guide was watching closely like useful watchdog

Ensuring nothing useless would get past the sod

So here I am to educate myself as I write this

My aim is to humor and of course to reminisce

Because I didn’t know that Shakespeare had invented so many words

I may not be reclusive, but I’m a fairly kickie-wickie girl

I hope you get your moneys-worth if you ever pay a visit

It’s really quite majestic for the time that was in it

I could keep going on and on for there are 422 words minted

By the zany William Shakespeare of which we have been gifted

I’m not one for braggartism so I really will end it here

Don’t be too cold-hearted let me hear some Cheer!

‘we are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little life is rounded with sleep’

The Tempest Act 4, Scene 1

I salute you …. Capt. Tom Moore

Sometimes it is the little things that end up being the big things. Capt. Thomas Moore is a prime example….

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Can I tell you that you’ve moved me

with your simple act of kindness

to walk around your garden

has done more than just to bind us

in uniting in our thanks and praise

it has opened up our eyes

to show that simple gestures

can bring the biggest surprise

a selfless man just ‘helping out’

as you done so in the war

but let me tell you Captain Tom

you have done so much more

you’ve shown a generation of what it means to count

a credit to society, of that there is no doubt

as for the doctors and nurses

for which you bravely fight

the amount you have raised in money terms

is truly an awesome sight

it started with a single step

and caused such a furore

i’d like to say ‘I salute you’

Sir Captain Thomas Moore

I truly hope your birthday

gets the celebration it deserves

your name will be in history books

and forever be preserved

As for your family, a pride they surely feel

and the people who got behind you

it really is surreal

So a round of applause for this great man

and those who have donated

putting your money where your mouth is

without feeling obligated

and thanks to all the medical

and other front line staff

we are so very humbled

as we watch you walk your path

lets hope when this is all over

and we cast a grateful net

of love, of grief, yet hope and peace

lest we forget