Hey You !

You don’t know it yet, but you are in for quite a ride and are going to hit a few bumps but…..

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I remember it well and to be honest, I wouldn’t want to be there again, it was an awful place to be, for me personally I mean. You have no choice, you have to go there too and you have to experience it for yourself to know how it will be for you, but let me tell you this. You will survive it, with the right set of skills, support, resources, stamina and true grit, you will get beyond it!

The first thing you will notice when you get there are the changes in your body, hairs sprouting out of places where they have no business being, spots appearing like they are in competition with the chicken pox, not to mention hair as greasy as fried chicken. The real killer, the mood swings. Anything ranging from sweet Shirley Temple to Cruella Deville in 0 to 60 seconds and to add insult to injury you will have no idea of who you are and will irrationally and radically search for your identity. A smooth ride it WILL NOT be. Attitude, Identity theft, extreme expression through clothes, music, rebellious behaviour, dieting, bingeing, smoking, drinking, sex and drugs, all there for the taking and risking. ‘Lead me not into temptation’ not for all of them anyway! It will get messy, it will noisy, it will get confusing, it will get depressing, it will be fun, it will be a complete contradiction and you will think you are IT at some stage and at some stage you will wish you could be a child again, or an adult and want to skip IT. IT is exhausting……. IT is THE TEENAGE YEARS….AHHHHH

Sure, there will be twists and turns, there will be bumps in the road, there will be times of pure exhilaration, there will be LOVE, there will be HEARTACHE, there will be moments of madness and moments of stillness, but you will have to go through it, so that you can come out the other side of it and find out who you are and what you are made of. The skills you will learn will be mind boggling. The skills your parents will learn will be eye opening…. who knew they could be so mean, strict, sarcastic, fierce BRAVE!

They have been there, seen it, done it, got the T Shirt. They rocked it. It was better in their day, simpler, kinder, cooler. The trouble now is, while they are battling with you and your tantrums, and your mood swings and your cheek and your pushing and prodding of their boundaries, they are most probably fighting their own battle and their own identity crises. The MENOPAUSE, (male and female). The changes in their body, the sweats, the forgetfulness – “sorry, who are you” they ask ” I have no idea” you reply. Mum’s boobs begin to droop causing her distress. Dads boobs begin to develop in a cruel twist to make mum feel less distressed. Muscle turns to flab and dad’s six pack inflates so he resembles buddha and mum has an uncanny resemblance to the michelin man.

While you are on the crest of the wave splishing and splashing and tumbling and flying to a newer fitter more confident version of you, they are well and truly slam dunked into the ocean of ‘What the hell is going on’. The dawning of realisation that ‘youth’ is soon to be leaving you and ‘youthfulness’ has well and truly over spilleth from them and they are heading towards a newer disturbing version of them!

So, hey you, be kind, be good, be healthy and wise, gather those skills, they are worth more than any money buys.

Be kind to your daughters, sons, mum’s and dad’s. The changes you’re all facing, is just a fad.

A phase, a lapse of time in space, try get through it, with dignity and grace. But if you can’t, that’s OK too, after all, it’s just the rebel in you!

© carrie sherbourne and Relay shun sips – itsjustnoteasy.com Blog, 2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Carrie sherbourne and itsjustnoteasy.com Blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

The power

The power of love will always endure…. a power trip, leads to nowhere at all….

There’s beauty in strength for it binds together

Can fight any storm and unsettled weather

A snake in the grass, may work it’s way in

Constrict and contort, a smile, false, manipulating.

When power is on the wrong side of love

It’s empty, it’s cold, in the heart thereof

It just fills a gap and fuels the fire

Cos control and power are the only desire

It cannot heal an open wound

But sink you further into the muddy ground

Open your heart, let real love inside

That’s where the power should truly reside……

© carrie sherbourne and Relay shun sips – itsjustnoteasy.com Blog, 2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Carrie sherbourne and itsjustnoteasy.com Blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

Two sides ?

Never judge a book by it’s cover is what they say and there are always two sides to a story, right? Or is it that it only begins with two sides ?

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‘You don’t look old enough’ is generally what people say when I tell them I have 4 grand children.  People are kind or say what they think you would like to hear.  We do it all the time, it just trips off the tongue, usually to make the receiver feel good, flattered and the giver feel appreciated, liked.  Sometimes, its just true!

I am certainly not too young to be a grandmother, being a 53 year old, but I do try to keep myself looking as well as possible.  I was married at 23 and had my first child at 24.  That was considerably old, if you compare it to when my own mother got married or indeed my grand mother.  In their day, 18 was a general ‘good age’ to be married by,  and have a baby within the first year.

These days lots of women are having careers before marriage and babies and lots are having babies from age 18, but without the marriage part.  My eldest was almost 19 having her first, not far off my mother’s age, when she had her first.  My mother was married, my daughter was not.  My daughter since married her childhood sweetheart and went on to have two further children with him and they are happy……. most of the time.

Can we be happy all of the time?  I think not.  I am married to my second husband for  23 years, love him dearly but at times could  quite happily commit murder.  We have, however, endured our ups and downs, swam rivers, climbed mountains and gotten over every bump in the road to arrive at a happy place together having raised our children.

Why couldn’t I have ‘endured’  my first marriage too? Met him aged 21, married him at 23, baby at 24, separated at 26.  We didn’t even get to a 7  year itch stage.  We had a grand total of 5 years, and did it all the right way round…. Met, bought house, got married, had baby and it all went wrong and no, no one else was involved, we just grew apart.  There was no real good cop bad cop, it just wasn’t ‘right’ and I guess I knew it never would be, so it was best all round, to walk away.

He will have his side, I will have my side, but then my daughter will have her side.  There can not be just two sides, can there?   What we do, as adults, will of course impact on the child, right?  It has to, it can’t but not impact, one way or another.  It will however, be up to the adults on whether that will be a good or bad impact, or a somewhere in between.

With all the best intentions in the world, there were times it was difficult.  Some of the times it was amicable, others, it was a battle of the wills.  I tried to never let it get in the way of her relationship with her father, no matter what I thought about him.  I always encouraged her to have a good relationship with him.     He loved her, as I did,  and she loved him and she loved me.  She was entitled to that.  I reasoned I wished her to grow up with two happy parents living apart, rather than two miserable parents living together.

The worst thing I could ever have said to him was that I was taking her away, to live, in another country.  I knew it would cut him in pieces as it would me if the shoe was on the other foot.    I cried at the thoughts of telling him, knowing how he would feel.  When I actually told him, I cried even more, after he had left my house.  She was 7 years old.  She wanted to ‘move’.  Did she know her mind well enough to know this, you might ask.  I asked myself the same question over and over again.

Of course, he took me to Court to try to stop it, as I knew he would and of course I couldn’t blame him. I would  have done the same if it were the other way round.    The funny thing about that was when I first ‘thought’ about moving to Ireland, I didn’t actually think I would, but because it was a thought,  I felt he ought to know.

Things of course turned fairly nasty, he was understandably upset, hurt and bitter.  I knew and understood that, but that all had an impact on our child and for the first time we found ourselves needing the courts to  ‘intervene’ .  I wanted to have the ‘choice’ to go back to my family in Ireland if I so chose in the future, even if it meant taking my child away from her father, as she too had expressed a wish live in Ireland.

She was 8 and a half when we moved and right up to the day of moving I asked her if she wanted to stay in the UK, so she could see her dad, as always,  I would unpack all the boxes and we would stay.   She said she loved him but wanted to move.

She is 29 now and though it was a very difficult time for her father, and of course I did feel a certain amount of guilt, I knew ultimately,  it was the right thing to do for us as a family.  What further made my mind up to actually move, was the amount of conflict between us that was generated from my first telling him of the ‘thought’ to go to finally being granted consent to go.    I was not trying to stop their relationship, indeed I still encouraged it and did so from the time we came,  in that she saw her father for half of all the holidays, and he could come see her whenever he wished,and ring her whenever he wished, which he did on a daily basis.

The distance between us turned out to be a good thing because the impact on our child was a positive one, in that she did not have to be caught between any crossfire.  She has loved living in Ireland and has had a nice life here.  She has continued to love her father and has never regretted moving here.    We will never know how things would have been had we stayed in the UK, but for our family, this had a positive impact.

The thing is with separation and family break down, even with the best will in the world, it is a very difficult road to navigate and know if you  are doing the right thing.  A child, however, must always be at the center of the situation.  If one or both of the  parents cannot reasonably  agree then of course, the courts will have to decide and in the meantime be very mindful of any impact and upset you are putting on the child in the middle of it all.

A story to tell……

Every picture tells a story. Every moment is a snapshot in time, whether it be good, bad or indifferent. Some days seem to go on forever and other days just fly by. There are just not enough hours in the day or the hours drag on FOREVER ! Some days you may wish you don’t want to have another. Other days you may eantcto live forever and there are the days inbetween where you feel blessed to have another day to start again.

Looking at other people’s days, lives, experiences may somehow have an impact on how you feel about your own life. Some people seem to have tragic, chaotic, lonely lives. Some have happy fulfilled and contented lives and the rest are somewhere inbetween.

But is life static? Will it ever change. Will the bad life ever turn good. Will the good life ever turn bad. Will this snapshot in time be a Happy or sad moment in time?

People experience many highs and lows all the time. It’s like a rollercoaster. It’s like a spectrum and we pass from one end to the other at different speeds and paces. How we react and respond is down to our personality, our resilience, our coping mechanisms.

How we interact with others allows us to laugh, cry, scream, shout, be quiet or silent. It allows us to look in the window of their life and their personality and their coping mechanisms and resillience and it allows them to see ours. It allows us to share, to learn, to walk away, to love, to sympathise and empathise, to advice and to listen, with our hearts and our ears.

We are not defined by experiences but we are shaped by them and we learn from them. We grow and develop from our mistakes and that gives us strength, even when it doesn’t feel that way.

It’s about recognising that this moment in time is just that, a moment, and whether happy, sad, difficult, easy or somewhere inbetween, it will inevitably change. For it to change, something has to happen, something has to be different. Whether it is us doing something different or something in our circumstances changing, making it different, it is up to us how we react and respond to it…… that is our choice and in making that choice we will be affected one way or another. It is ultimately our responsibilty to effect a change in order to be the happiest version of ourselves that we can be or hope to be.

We can chose this as many times as we like because for as long as we are living and breathing, we can chose which way we want to go. It may not be easy or it may be the simplest step you will ever take, but remember, all it takes is the first step.

I wrote a story about a time in my life, it was a snapshot of my life, a time during my teenage years, that for me, was very difficult due to circumstances beyond my control. I responded to it in the only way I could, by facing the challenges head on, by rebelling somewhat in order to stand up for myself and by planning my great escape to the life I really wanted, when the time was right.

Of course everyone has a story to tell and since my teenage years I’ve had plenty more challenges to face, as we all do. That is the key, face them, deal with them and move on from them.. keep moving forward, keep learning, keep growing, learn from the good and the bad. Accept that some things are just the way they are. Accept you can’t change everything but strive to be the best version of you that you can be.

Write your story, it doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad, if it’s written well or not, it only matters that it is your story, your snapshot, and it does not have to define you now or your future self …

Love

There it raced across my heart

A sudden flutter, a stop and start

Down it went, my tummy flipped

Thoughts out loud, ‘I love You, slipped

The shock, the horror, I want to hide

Open the ground and let me slide

Out of sight away from your face

Too soon I know, I can tell by your face

I start to tremble and feel quite weak

I step away as you begin to speak

I block the sound and close my eyes

I hang my head, but there’s the surprise

‘I love you too’ you said at last

Reached for my hand and held my grasp

I feel quite faint and light as a feather

I can’t believe we’ll be together

That was all way back when

Early days when our love began

On this path our love still grows

Sometimes friends sometimes foes

Ups and downs, we’ve had a few

All the time, our love still grew

The passage of time has made us strong

In each others arms is where we belong

© carrie sherbourne and Relay shun sips – itsjustnoteasy.com Blog, 2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Carrie sherbourne and itsjustnoteasy.com Blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

Betrayed

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All that glitters, isn’t gold

Slowly, cracks begin to unfold

Truth or dare, what shall it be

Let you go, set me free?

Best plans are not always made

Instinct screams, you are betrayed

Heart is heavy

Head is light

Time to go, time to fight ?

Outside space is closing in

Hard to breathe, what’s the sin?

Deny the gut then you’ll know

If you should stay, or if you should go

Love is patient, love is kind

Love cannot be defined

Love can hurt, and drag you down

Love is fleeting or profound

Betray yourself if you must

Only for Love, never for lust

© carrie sherbourne and Relay shun sips – itsjustnoteasy.com Blog, 2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Carrie sherbourne and itsjustnoteasy.com Blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

Revenge I seek

Crimson lips fade to pale
Confessions of Love – a sting in the tale
T’ was meant for me, I know it’s so
Another path, you must go
A heart of ice calls your name
No choice you have, to play the game
Stiff and rigid you play along
Conform and dance to her merry song
I watch her eyes, her twitching lips
Her twisted lies and sarcastic quips
I stand and stare in disbelief
Holding on, in silence, to my grief
Off you go to the maidens lair
I know in your heart, I must be there?
Can’t you run and escape her grasp
If only you had a looking glass
See the story how it should be
Then you’d know, you should be with me
What’s her power, has she cast a spell?
Is there a secret, never to tell?
life without you seems so bleak
Just walk away, why so weak?
Do not laugh and frolic with her
Remember me, I called you sir?
You promised me love and fairytale
My Prince, my knight, but now you bail
You said you loved me, I believed it was true
Now I’m confused cos she is with you
You’ve abandoned me now but what is the cost
I’m angry inside, broken, lost
I want to scream, and call you out
Please sir please sir I want to shout
I feel like a child, vulnerable and small
You’ve got nothing to say, nothing at all?
I’ve been discarded left here on the path
Let me tell you sir, you will feel my wrath
You’ve used and abused me, I know I am right
Hang your head in shame Don’ t put up a fight
You said that you loved me, I thought it was so
Silly girl, stupid, now I must go
I’ll hatch a plan , revenge will be sweet
I won’t be so nice, the next time we meet!
My heart, it is broken, you can’t comprehend
The damage you’ve caused – you were never my friend……

© carrie sherbourne and Relay shun sips – itsjustnoteasy.com Blog, 2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Carrie sherbourne and itsjustnoteasy.com Blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

Ustav Raj spirals

Being a grown up!

Teenagers cannot wait to grow up and do it’ their way’, because, they know everything and parents are ‘old fashioned’. The reality of becoming a parent is often different to the ‘idea’ of what being a parent is and sometimes being grown up is just not what its all ‘cracked up to be’…….

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I was having a conversation with my almost 16 and almost 17 year old last week.  Of course, life is different now, than it was in my day, because I am just ‘old fashioned’ right?   The (almost) 17 year old has been working as a volunteer now for a year in a charity shop and is gaining useful skills.   Would she rather have a job that pays her a wage?  of course, but paying jobs are very hard to find.

The (almost) 16 year old does not want to volunteer when she turns 16.  ‘I don’t want to work with old people, I wouldn’t be any good at it’  – is her reason.   ‘What would you rather do’? I asked…….   she shrugged her shoulders and replied ‘hang out with my friends’.     She is a social butterfly this one.  Wants to dress nicely, wear make up, make herself look older than her (almost) 16 years and just hang out with friends.  How she gets all the things she wants, is really not on her agenda, so long as she gets them.

Don’t get me wrong, if she is asked to do chores, she does them, with the usual begrudery that, I suppose, a lot of teenagers have but I do worry about her lack of ‘work ethic’.  All those that went before her ‘worked’   This one wants to be an investigative journalist.  She has the brains but does she have the motivation……. time will tell.

‘I don’t think I want to have babies’, she said.  ‘I mean, you have to look after them EVERY DAY’ she exclaimed.  I smiled, then I laughed.  She is used to all the grandchildren coming around and see’s her older sisters’ lives of all the comings and goings. demands and needs of the children.  The mundane drudge of boring housework and juggling of work of mothering and home making……  ‘ughhh – too much effort’.  She sees them hardly ever going out and having ‘fun’ when all she wants is to go out and have fun.  That of course, is her choice and it may change – one day.

‘You don’t just look after them EVERY DAY’ I said,  ‘it goes on for years and years, until one day you have a stroppy 15 year old on the couch, with a face full of make up, in her super dry jeans,having just returned from a day out of celebrations, stuffing her face with chocolate, and looking forward to a long lie in because she is tired, not induced by working’! I finish.   She throws her head back, laughs and says ‘Exactly’!

I watch my other daughters, with their children and see how loved and well cared for they are.  I also see the stresses that they live through, day in day out, one way or another.  I recognise their feelings and emotions of love and anxiety, of patience and impatience, of frustration and adoration of energy and exhaustion, of happiness and sadness,  of tolerance and intolerance of many varying situations.  The juggling of the physical stuff as well as the emotional stuff, its just not easy, some of the time and being a grown up can be hard.  Sometimes you feel like you just want to get away or run away, if only for a day (or two) to recharge, re-energize, re evaluate and rejuvenate and then put all that renewed energy back into all the relationships associated with being a parent, a housewife,  an employee, etc etc.

My girls are  are strong independent women.  Sure they have their moments and their hardships.  They also have what I call ‘grit’.  They have determination and they continue to put the effort into all that they do, but the most important thing 2 of them do, is be mothers, good mothers, to their children, the next generation.  From early age, they did their chores, they were brought up with a firm but fair mother, who had certain expectations, and that included going out to work and being responsible, I think it paid off.

To my almost 16 year old, who just wants to have fun….. enjoy the next couple of months of freedom, because then it will be time to work, albeit, volunteering, with OLD PEOPLE because we have got to get you some skills!

What’s your Talent?

Do you ever wonder what you are good at and if you don’t have a talent, does that mean that you are not good at anything? It was a thought that I pondered from a very young age.

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I remember being a small child at school and the teacher talking about having ‘A Talent’. Some people were putting their hands up, naming what they were good at, e.g. football, music, art, singing, dancing etc etc. I just sat there contemplating and wondering and finally, despairing that I didn’t in fact, have a talent.   I couldn’t have been any older than 7  or 8 years of age at the time.

For years it bugged me and nagged at me from somewhere in the back of my mind that I was talent – less!   Don’t get me wrong, I was OK at sport, particularly Hockey and Gymnastics.  I loved the latter but really disliked the former with a vengeance.  I was OK at Netball, but really liked the game and I was rubbish at music and art.  My art teacher in secondary school told me I was rubbish at painting but I did enjoy participating anyway.

Somewhere along the line, however, I had a belief that I could do anything.  I think by now I was much older, maybe in my 30’s or 40’s.  Not only did I believe I could do anything, I believed that everyone could do anything…… if they wanted to, really wanted to and were prepared to work hard for what it was, they wanted to achieve.

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Also as I got older I came to appreciate other things that were of no consequence to me when I was younger, like an appreciation for nice classical music, particularly the sound of the violin and composers like Mozart, Pachelbel, Bach and Vivaldi to name but a few.  When I was young, all I was interested in was Meatloaf, the Police, The Beetles and Elvis, to name but another few!

From one time frame to another something happened to me.  That something was called ‘life’.  Between childhood and adulthood I had experienced many different situations, and been exposed to lots of things, good, bad and indifferent.  The most profound of them all was becoming a mother.  This, after all, is the one thing, since being a child, that I always wanted to be.  This was and has remained, consistent.

Could  this have been my talent?  Was / am I any good at it?  Well my children would have to answer that, but I can confirm that I gave it all the time, all the effort, all the sacrifice, all the fight, all the love, including tough love and all the  part of me, that believed I was doing all the best for them.  I am still doing this and my efforts are looking pretty damn good on the grand scheme of things….. my children are fabulous, flawed, but fabulous and of them, I am proud.  I am proud because I watch them growing and developing and learning and doing and falling and getting up and going again, doing again, learning again, loving, forgiving and moving on and moving forward and succeeding and achieving.

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There are many famous artists out there, footballers, dancers, singers, musicians etc etc, but in my mind this is not what having a talent is.  Yes it is a skill, of course, but just because they are famous for it, doesn’t make our endeavours any less of a ‘talent’ and our eventual success at our ‘Talent’.

So for all those who think they don’t have a talent and wander this world wondering why you don’t have one, I have news for you.  You do have one, just look at what you do everyday, a lot, consistently, persistently and are good at it, even if you don’t really enjoy it, you have a ‘talent’ for sticking with it!

My husband goes to work, every day of his shift, week in week out to provide for us.  He comes home every night and gives me a kiss  and its not an empty kiss, its a kiss that shows he is pleased to see me and he is glad to be home.  His talent is that he is a great husband, father and provider and we are ‘enough’ for him.  Sure he has other interests and hobbies but his real talent is being great at taking care of us.

 

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I do not search for my talent anymore….. I got this far, successfully,  still believing that I can do anything and you too can do anything…….

 

 

Paintings all done by me……. I think even my art teacher wouldn’t be too disappointed!

 

 

Daily Prompt: Invisible

via Daily Prompt: Invisible

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It’s nice in there amongst the trees, a little hideout,
I am at ease
Walking alone feels easy to do, there in my mind
adventures new
Leaves are falling and swirling down, leaving their safety
they hit the ground
Little droplets ebb away, finding a new place to stay
where do they go, what do they do, all the things
which start anew?
Some sink deeper and nourish and feed
grow they must with their new given seed
Invisible process, and close encounters, something sparks
enlightens the doubters
powerful thoughts, you have no control, such is the urge
to sink in the hole
deeper and deeper, not a care in your head
no one will know, until you are dead
that will show them, how invisible you were
too little, too late, no comfort to her

© carrie sherbourne and Relay shun sips – itsjustnoteasy.com Blog, 2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Carrie sherbourne and itsjustnoteasy.com Blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content