Free to Flit

Life’s journey gives you perspective on the things that really matter

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Easily bored or a restless soul

to do so much, is my goal

The job’s I’ve had, more than a few

Good or bad, is a point of view

I liked them all, in their own special way

But, I always knew, there would come a day

when it was time to move, to pastures new

gain new skills, new acquaintances too

Back to school, always yearning

Gain more knowledge, all that learning

It fills me with a sense of joy

to push myself, in no way coy

As for the Arts, a new found passion

also clothes and the latest fashion

A trip to the theater, gallery or museum

Neither time nor inclination

so tired with delirium

when the children were small, and full of demands

never spare time, on my hands

Now older and wiser, more self assured

I fill my time, so I’ll never be bored

I call the shots and work when I can

in between life’s joys or when the shit hits the fan

Priorities change as life races on

the person you were, has somehow gone

Each stage of life brings its changes

Goalposts move to different ranges

I don’t call it boredom, maybe its wit

to know when it’s time, to be free to flit

Dip in and out of the things that bring pleasure

Fill up the soul with meaningful treasure

Not in the oddments of material things

But of people and places that makes my heart sing

© carrie sherbourne and Relay shun sips – itsjustnoteasy.com Blog, 2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Carrie sherbourne and itsjustnoteasy.com Blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

Moving on

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Shaking, breaking, falling down,

calling, crawling, on the ground

Noises, voices, in my head

sadness, madness, I see red

Aching, breaking, heart in two

Pleading, needing, I thought, You

Rejecting, accepting, down the black hole

feeling, seething, emotion parole

soothing, moving, erratic disdain

seeing, believing, in love again,

passing, moving, carry on

one to two, then two to one

sad, happy, angry , mad

past, future, memories, glad

old, new, a chapter begins

acknowledge, forgiveness

cleansed of sins

© carrie sherbourne and Relay shun sips – itsjustnoteasy.com Blog, 2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Carrie sherbourne and itsjustnoteasy.com Blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

For love nor money!

When people are in crises, when they just can’t cope or chose to put their lifestyle first, who pics up the pieces, who takes care of the children caught in the crossfire and why?

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It really grieves me to see so much antisocial behaviour, manifesting itself, usually through, but not always by, alcohol or drug abuse. Sometimes it is just a lifestyle choice, beginning perhaps as a dare, to seek a thrill, to feed a habit, to be cool or to fit in. Sometimes it’s learned behaviour, if a child grows up in that type of environment and knows no better. Sometimes a child will ‘act out’ because of the environment that he/she comes from. Whatever the reason, there is often a ‘child’ involved, affected or impacted, somewhere along the line.

Often these children find themselves in the #foster care system, either because they are out of control or they have been neglected, due to various different circumstances or that their parents, simply cannot cope. It is not an easy job being a parent. I would say it can be one of they most difficult and demanding jobs ever. I speak from experience. It is a job that requires 100 percent commitment. There is no day off. It really is a 24 hours per day for 365 days per year, for at least 18 years, but in reality, beyond the 18 year old thresh hold. Being a parent means, to a certain extent, you put your own life on hold. Your children come first, meeting their needs, come first. They depend on you to be a good role model, they depend on you to keep them safe, they depend on you to reel them in, when they go too far. The need that, even when they think ‘they know best’. They depend on you to guide them, they depend on you for everything!

Throughout the ‘children years’ there are different stages of challenges, between the sleepless nights, the teething, the terrible two tantrums, the stamping of the feet, and of course, the ‘piece de resistance’, the teenage years. None of it is easy, but we do it, we do it the best way that we can. Along this path of parenthood, there are other challenges we have to deal with, such as if our children have friends, if they are good friends, if they are kind and caring individuals, if they are easily led, if they have any health issues, if they have any special needs, if they are prone to being bullied, if they are a bully. The list goes on and on and on. Still, as parents, we do the best that we can, to love, protect, advise and keep them safe. It can get pretty messy at times, it is not all plain sailing. There will be arguments, tug of war, a battle of the wills and an outright hatred (particularly during the teenage years). Parents are supposed to be hated during this time, right? Parents are supposed to hate the back chat, the disrespect, the laziness, the moods etc etc. Still we carry on. We plough through the sea of emotions, we battle on and mould and shape our off spring to be good responsible people, to set them free into the world, and hope we have done a good job, prepared them well and have them ready for adulthood.

Being a ‘foster parent’ requires all that listed above, plus you have many other tunes to dance to. The children are not wrapped up in a blanket delivered by the stork. They often come in the shape of a 2 year old or 10 year old or 15 year old. Full of fears. I would too, if I had to go live with a bunch of strangers. They come with uncertainty. They come with behaviours. They come with attitudes. They come with attachment issues. They come with all sorts of challenges. They come with social workers. They come with family of origin, somewhere in the picture. They come with spite. They come with attitude. They come with someone else’s genetic makeup.

Taking a child into your home, into the heart of your family is not always easy, for anyone. Your own biological children may not want to share their home, their parents, their siblings. their toys, their friends, their everything. There may be a reason the child doesn’t like you or your children or your home, your pet, your food. You may not particularly like them after a while, a behaviour they are displaying or something deeper that you cannot put your finger on. This is all within the realm of taking care of a child that is not biologically yours. What do you do?

Thankfully, in my own case I have ‘liked’ all of the children I have looked after. Thirteen in total. I have even loved them. Don’t get me wrong, there were challenges, there were sleepless nights, there were clashes with my biological children, there were attitudes. There were scary moments of self harm and mental health issues. There were flight risks, as in running away. There were schooling issues, there were issues of dishonesty, there were issues of spitefulness. There were times I feared I could not continue to do this any more, it was all too much to deal with. So what did I do. I prayed. I prayed to God to give me strength to carry on. To find a way to manage everyone. To manage behaviours. To help me to continue to support all the children. To help me to mind myself in amongst the madness that it could often be. At the end of the day, they needed to be loved and supported. Some children come for just a short time, a few months, a year or two and then they get to go home. I consider that a success. I am happy for them, even though they take a piece of my heart with them. They are where they belong.

Others stay longer, sometimes forever. They can never go home. They are the ones that you hope you can mould more, support more, because you have more time with them. More time to help unravel them, soothe them lead them, love them, advise them, show them. Be a role model for them. There have been times, that it was very difficult, but here I am, still doing it, still loving, protecting, supporting, advising, hoping above hope, that I, and the rest of the family, have helped to make a difference.

The children become part of the family, bit by bit, challenge by challenge, pulling and tugging, laughing and loving, they fit in, they belong. Some people wouldn’t do it ‘for love nor money’. Why did I do it? I didn’t do it for love nor money either. I did it because I felt someone needs to help look after the children that need taking care of. I guess it feels a little like asking a priest or a nun or a doctor or nurse, why they do it. It is kind of like a vocation. I think if people did do it for money, they would soon give it up, because, well, there is no money to be made that could compensate for the time, the effort, the highs and the lows that go with being a foster carer. If you think you would like to do it for the money, think again, become a child minder instead. Those children go home at the end of the day. You don’t have to deal with their families, their worries, their behaviour, social workers, police, doctors, teachers or other such challenges. Being a foster carer should be considered because you are committed to genuinely helping and supporting a child during a very difficult time and help transition them, either back home, or into adult hood, a much stronger person, than when they first arrived on your door step.

There are some children that are lucky enough to be in foster care with their extended families, this makes it less terrifying for them. Unfortunately, not all families will do it for love nor money. I can tell you it is challenging, but it is rewarding and if you feel you have the time, the commitment and the determination to see it through, to help make a child’s life better, to help steer them from anti social behaviour, to help get them onto a good path, so that they can have a good and reasonable life, full of hope, responsibility and dreams, then go for it. Do it, and if you are doing it, but finding it a struggle, pray. Pray to your God, to help give you the strength to carry on. The children need YOU.

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http://family

Independent Dependence

when its time to flee the nest…. or so they think! How independent are they really ?

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It’s time to go, I want to leave

I need some time, a small reprieve

A place of my own, to make my rules

Now, rest assured, I’ll be nobody’s fool

But can you just give me a hand

I’m only asking, it’s not a demand

If you could perhaps give me a lift

Consider it like, a parting gift

Then take me to the grocery store

Fill my trolley with goods galore

Especially fill up with milk and honey

Can you help me out, I have no money?

One day soon I’ll get a job

Until then, have you got a few bob?

I hear the dole is a good place to start

I like the work ethic, it’s close to my heart

For all I do is sign my name

I kid you not, it’s not a game

This independence lark will be a breeze

I’ll adapt in no time, with such ease

On my own 2 feet, I shall be free

So long as your there to still help me!

© carrie sherbourne and Relay shun sips – itsjustnoteasy.com Blog, 2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Carrie sherbourne and itsjustnoteasy.com Blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

Guilty

for all the hard working mothers, trying to get through the day

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I watch what you say, without any words. As you hurry around in the morning rush. Busy you are, throwing words in the air, gathering the goods, with eyes that just stare.

‘Hurry up, you say, there’s so much to do, feeding and dressing, there’s more than just you. In and out and up and down, running around like a circus clown.

Sorting the breakfast, the clothes and the bags, while you are rushing, everyone else lags.

Inside your head you want to scream, Guilty you feel, amongst your team.

Heart is pounding, head it hurts, five minutes peace, is what you deserve.

Guilty you feel for rushing them out, a smile on your face, as you look at their pouts.

Drive them to school, the traffic is mad, their fighting and arguing, it makes you feel bad.

‘For goodness sake, give it a rest’, you shout at them, as they protest

Guilty you feel, you’ve done it again, raised your voice and now you feel mean.

Finally, you drop them at the gate, the school bell rang, they are late.

Guilty as charged, you hurry them out, it’s all your fault, there is no doubt

The silence is golden, no, pure bliss, Guilty you feel, for enjoying this

Home to the washing, the cleaning, the mess. You want to lay down and get a rest

Can’t do that, too much to do, the shopping, the cooking, the ironing too.

plates and bowls spilt milk on the table, head is banging, you feel unstable

‘I hate this mess’ you think to yourself as you pick up a toy and place back on the shelf

you sit on the sofa, and look around, how life has changed, it’s so profound

It’s really not like you thought it would be, and now you feel guilty, for what you see

You look at the photos on the wall, hanging there proudly in the hall,

Your heart fills with love, you want to cry, such overwhelm, you cannot deny

Of course it’s not perfect, it never will be, no mother on earth, can feel guilt free

Mother nature herself can brew up a storm, but beauty will balance any forlorn

the beauty of love held in your heart is always a mothers’ guilty start

To your child you will be enough, learn to take the smooth and the rough

Nothing on earth can replace your love and that is something to be guilty of

Be proud of your guilt, it means you that you care, start again tomorrow, guilt free if you dare.

In mind or in action, there is a reaction, in thinking or doing, there is always pursuing. What is it we seek, evoke or conspire, feelings of guilt, often transpire !

© carrie sherbourne and Relay shun sips – itsjustnoteasy.com Blog, 2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Carrie sherbourne and itsjustnoteasy.com Blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

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Moving ?

A time comes in our lives when, at some stage, most of us move home. For others we move many times, which can be very moving

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There are many different reasons why people move.   To leave home, to move in with friends, to move in with partners, to move to a bigger house, to downsize, to move into a residential home, to move in with foster families, even to move onto the streets.  Some of it is planned, some of it is circumstantial and beyond control, but whatever the reason, there is an impact – good, bad or indifferent.

I am hoping to move, to downsize, to sell my family home and I have no idea where I will buy, yet!   I feel that the time is right.  I feel there is a new beginning waiting for me and I want to explore it.  Some could say its a mid life crises, others will say it is risky or selfish and some may say it’s brave.  whatever it is, it is my choice to make and therefore my consequence to to accept.

This garden of mine was nothing but a field 19 years ago and together, my husband and I build a home, literally.  We sourced and ordered materials, tradesmen and craftsmen and mucked in ourselves and assisted in the building of our house.  We planted every tree, every shrub and bulb that have now created a beautiful mature garden.  There are oaks, beech, laurel, italian alder, cordyline, magnolia, lilac, phormium, scotts pine, apple, pear, dogwood and many more trees and plants in our garden.

I particularly like this time of year when the bulbs are poking through and out pop the lovely daffodils, the crocus, the hyacinth and peony.    From my kitchen window, as I look down the garden, it is bursting with colour in amongst the fiery red dogwood and it makes me smile.  Soon the forsythia and cherry blossom will show off in the front garden and give a spectacular display and year after year, it never disappoints.

Not only did we grow build a beautiful home and grow and a lovely garden, we grew a family and it has been home to many more children, other than our own.  The walls of this house have seen and heard alot, of tears and laughter, of joy and sadness, of hello’s and goodbyes of ups and downs.  It is only 19 years old, but it holds a great history of all those that have lived here.  All but two of them have moved on to their own homes, their own journeys, but not necessarily their final destinations.  This is not my final destination either and I don’t think my next move will be either.

Will it be moving (as in the emotional sense) ?  Yes of course, there are so many memories here, from the laying of the foundations to  the erecting of the boundary fence. The nurturing of the children and grandchildren and watching them grow.  However, the foundations we laid in them, is far more important and powerful and  the boundaries of memories, know no bounds, so will stay with us all, no matter where we are.

I hope therefore, whomever buys my home, will love it as much as the love that went into it and be happy here.   For me, it has served it purpose and it is time for me to try something else new.  To lay some new foundations and plant a new life, with all my memories tucked safely away and  where some new memories will be made.  Whether I am crazy, or selfish, taking a risk or being brave, it matters not, what matters is that I am moving, moving forward and exploring the next stage of this thing called Life !

 

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Paper Roses

Paper Roses – bittersweet in that there is no fragrance, but can last longer than the real thing!

 

 

 

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When I was a girl I was a big Donny and Marie Osmond fan….. Like most 8 year old’s in 1973, this song, Paper Roses’ was blasted out on my cassette player, which I had ‘taped’ off the radio.  Kids today will not understand this concept. – they have smart phones, I tunes and spotify at the touch of their tiny fingers!

I really loved this particular song and believe I had some understanding of the meaning behind it.  Yes I know I was only 8, so how could I have the emotional intelligence to understand it…..   I guess it was in the way that Marie sang it, with emotion and meaning.  You can ‘feel’ that.

My aunts and granny would get me to sing , when we were on holidays in Ireland, not to mention get me to perform the reel or a jig.  I was the ‘entertainment’.  I was embarrassed at first, but always complied and the  rapturous  applaud would make my confidence soar and my nerves disappear….. for another year!

Back to the paper roses song, how many people experience that ‘imitation love’ but stick with it?  I think the answer is higher than we’d imagine…. or is it that it is not really an ‘imitation’ love, just a ‘gone off the boil’ love and how can you tell the difference?   I think the answer is that you ‘Feel it’.

Every romantic relationship will have it’s ups and downs.  That is natural  and some people are just not meant to be together while others are truly destined to be together.  Does it all come with plain sailing though…. no, not at all.  The same as parenting, there is no guide book for that either, you just muddle through and hope for the best!

The thing is with romance, shouldn’t there at least be a meeting of the minds, be on the same wavelength,  be heading in the same direction.  The heart stuff is easy, for some too easy, to fall in love…….  Once there, in that love place, the complications begin.  It is in that place that even the coldest, most inconsiderate, upsetting situations can arise, but then you are trapped in the web, as your heart is telling you to stay.  But what is your head telling you?

It switches, stay, go, stay, go…. until one day you will finally make the decision.  I know I have done this a few times in my life.  I have loved, and been in that love place, but I left, because it was the right thing to do.  We did not have a meeting of the minds.  we were not on the same wavelength and we were not heading in the same direction.  Was it easy? of course not.  It was difficult, upsetting, hurtful, chaotic and topsy turvy, not to mention absolutely depressing, but it was still the right thing to do.  The love was there but not the most important bits to sustain the relationship.  This was the real roses, but like all living things, they died, as did the love, eventually.

Sometimes, the love place has wained,  but there is still a meeting of the minds, the same wavelength and focus on the same direction.  Is this then, an ‘imitation’ love, is this a paper roses love, where the  roses can last much longer than the real ones, but just need dusting off every now and then to preserve them?  The paper roses can be put away,  ignored for a while and then rediscovered one day, taken out, dusted off and be on full display again to be enjoyed.  They have perseverance and staying power.  They may curl and bend, but they won’t wilt and die.

Which is best then, the imitation love and paper roses, or the true love, that has the potential to die.  Perhaps it is possible for them to cross over,  like osmosis, a weaving in and out of real and imitation love and real and imitation paper roses.

The one thing I do know, is the love one should have for themselves, in order that they can truly love someone else !