#life – Relay shun ships

December….

“How did it get so late, so soon”? Dr. Seuss

It’s almost upon us….December. Never mind that very special person with a beard and red suit, who comes bearing gifts and leaves them under the tree for all the ‘good’ children, it is also almost the end of another year!

So what did you do this year? Was it hectic, was it fulfilled, was it the same as any other year? Were you in the doldrums, did you realise your dreams, edge closer to your dreams, change direction? Did you endure it with sadness and lose someone significant? Questions, questions, questions!

My year began with deciding to go house hunting in the sun for a holiday home. Having lost both parents in the previous two years, one after the other, my brothers and I shared the proceeds from the sale of their house, our family home. It was a difficult time, but we had to be practical.

I am usually so bad with money, in one hand and out the other, like sand falling hurriedly through my fingers. I really didn’t want to squander what my parents had worked so hard for, and so, the search for a holiday home in the sun began.

By April I had picked up the keys to my place in the sun in Spain and have managed to go there 4 or 5 times since then. For that I have been very grateful (especially to my boss, who has let me have flexi time at work) and of course to my parents, whom I think they would approve of how I spent ‘their money’.

I managed to slip and bash my head whilst in Spain, which required 4 staples and a night in hospital. Thank God no lasting damage…. it could have been a lot worse! It was also a bit of a wake up call.

I visited there with my brother on one occasion and my grandchildren on another. I also visited with one of my friends. I was happy to share this new ‘home’ with them and let them imagine me there should I ever leave Ireland.

Each time I went to Spain I wanted to stay longer and longer and longer. So much so that now, as this year is drawing to a close, I have put my house up for sale, with a view to going to my place in the sun and then deciding, ‘what next’.

Travel has always been on my bucket list. I want to go to places I have never been, if only for a short time, few weeks, few months, longer if possible. Travel without worrying about having to go to work. To just do what I can do with the means that I have.

Impulsive by nature and not one for sitting still for too long I think, ‘what’s the worst that can happen’? With each year rolling quicker and quicker into the next, losing loved ones along the way, good friends and family, it is a stark reminder of how quickly time flies and how precious life is.

I also turned 60 this year so realise there is a lot less time ahead of me that what has gone before. With that in mind I want to take the bull by the horns and try something new….. again.

Is that selfish, is it reckless, is it foolish or is it brave. Maybe it is all of the above! I can only live my life. No one can live it for me, so on that basis, I should just bite the bullet and give it a go…… once my house here actually sells that is!

However, there is a caveat to that. I change my mind like the weather. I drive myself nuts with all my different ideas and plans, but at least, I have ideas and plans and that is what matters isn’t it? To keep thinking, hoping, dreaming, planning and then ‘doing. If we don’t try, nothing changes right?

I moved to this current house 4 years ago. A lovely house in a lovely part of the country. During that 4 years I have grieved 3 very significant people. Started a new job where I currently still work and couldn’t ask for a nicer boss who also became my very good friend. Met several really nice people in my neighbourhood and joined two writing groups where we meet once a week.

I have been welcomed here and made to feel ‘part of the tribe’. People I would never have met, if I hadn’t made the move. I wonder then, who and what is waiting for me in my next move? That is what fills me with excitement and a strong sense of curiosity.

In the words of Anais nin “life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage”

So, here’s to another, almost, end of a year and hopefully an exciting new year ahead with new adventures!

Lanjaron….Land of springs

“Green, how I love you. Green Green wind. Green Branches, boat on the sea and the horse on the mountain. On the face of the cistern, the gypsy woman rocked. Green Flesh, green hair , with eyes of cold silver. An icicle from one of them holds her over the water. Green how I love you, green wind. Green branches. Can’t you see the wound I have from my chest to my throat? let me climb at least to the high railings and let me climb. Let me reach the green railings. Railing of the moon where the water rumbles” Frederica Garcia Lorca

This is a direct translation from the Spanish writing on the fountain. Like many other fountains, dotted around Lanjaron, situated at the foothills of the Alpujarra mountains in the Granada province, they all have inscriptions from Frederica Garcia Lorca, famous Spanish poet and playwright.

It is no wonder when I first visited this quaint little town, that I felt quite at home. It had a nice quiet yet welcoming atmosphere. Typically Spanish and surrounded by the most magnificent breath taking mountains.

As we drove down the centre of the narrow town, eyeing the pretty balconies, adorned with plants and colourful flowers I watched carefully, the people slowly going about their day. Some sitting on benches, chatting. Others watching the world go by, and the ladies inside the grocery shop, baskets hanging in the crook of their elbows, ready to carry their fresh produce home. I knew then, before I even looked at the house, which I was there to view, that I would buy it.

A town steeped in history and deriving from pre-roman and significant moorish settlements, this town has survived and thrived and is known as the gateway to the Alpujarras.

As you leave the motorway and head up the winding road the 12 minute journey to the town is truly remarkable. As you pass under the modern metal bridge, on the first stretch of the road, an ancient bridge, hidden below, known as Peunte de Tablate, used in yesteryear in the many battles which occurred in this region.

A whitewashed church sits to the side of the bridge as the ravine unfolds this ancient structure.

Modern day and bygone days bridges sharing space and time side by side, but if the mountains could talk, the stories they could tell!

Further up and past Lanjaron, some 45 minutes takes you to a pretty little town called Capileira. This is the highest village in which cars can travel and its elevation is some 1,436 m. A great town to base if hiking is your thing.

Even the beautiful flowers love this little tourist town. A red heart climbs the wall as it reaches for the stars.

Pampaneira, below Bubion and Capileira is another pretty and quite a bustling town on the way back down toward Orgiva and ultimatley home, to Lanjaron. The spring waters running through the middle of the town, the musicality of its trickle, soothing. The scent of the jasmine, honeysuckle and the showstopping vibrant colour of the bourgainvillea are abundant as you meander the streets of this town. The geraniums line white washed streets in terracotta pots and immediately make you smile. The church in the plaza towering over the restaurants and street vendors is a site to behold and a santury, not only for prayer, but for shade and cooling down from the intense heat.

A nice way to spend the day and discovering the part of the Alpajarras, taking a slow drive up, up, up the mountain. Tasting the local cuisine. Having a cold beer or a cold glass of water and drinking in the scenery, the scents, the history and remind yourself, how very lucky you are to discover such a beautiful place, and even, for a short while, call it ‘home’.

influence

Adolescence, the Netflix drama series, is the talk of the towns everywhere at the moment.

I watched it in one sitting. It is certainly a thought provoking, conversation starter and worthwhile piece of viewing on TV at the moment. It is particularly worth a watch if you have children, grandchildren or are a professional that works directly or indirectly with children, specifically teens.

It essentially portrays the impact, affect and ultimate behaviour, that can happen with the power of influence.

Influence, generally, can have either a positive or a negative impact, in my opinion. But in order for us to ‘act’ on influence, we first must make the ‘choice’ to.

Something in us, in our character, our attributes, our personality, our free will, makes a decision, a choice on whether or not we will be swayed, one way or another, right?

Sometimes though, we may ‘act’ on impulse, on instinct. Is that impulse or instinct innate, regardless of outside influences. Has it always been there. Were we born with it or did it develop based on our experiences and our environment? Is there any room for choice when it comes to impulse and instinct?

There is a saying which is ‘your gut instinct’. Usually that lets you know if its right or wrong, good or bad, but impulse is a different story. A gut instinct usually allows for some kind of rational thinking or rationale. Impulse is more immediate and often it is a behaviour based on risk.

In the series, we deduce that something infiltrated the teens psyche which had over time, influenced him , his feelings towards the girl in question, maybe other girls too, The social media platform appeared to be the main culprit of this influence.

However, did he set out to do what he did with intention and malice or did he act on impulse, once he confronted her? You could argue, he had the weapon on him, so he was prepared, therefore there was intent.

You could also argue that he had no intention of causing such fatal harm but merely wanted to scare her. That impulse took over his rational thoughts when he was deemed to be scorned or provoked and that part of his personality was such that he would lose control when so aroused.

Nevertheless, regardless of instinct or impulse, it is portrayed that the over riding factor in this case was the power of influence. Therefore, in my opinion, given any set of circumstances, a certain personality trait, and an environmental factor, we are all open to be influenced into or by anything.

I am considered a bit of a shop-a-holic…..it’s kind of true. I do enjoy buying things, if I can afford them. Years ago, I could afford very little, but I was easily influenced and swayed by my bank to get myself a credit card. The bank were giving them out, willy nilly and you only had to pay a minimum payment. Happy days, until it wasn’t ! I had rocked up a nice amount on my first card, because the bank kept upping my limit. They were increasing it because I was paying my minimum payment on time! The more they increased the limit, the more I spent.

I have maxed out and cleared three credit cards in my life because my motto was ,’you only live once and could be dead tomorrow’. However, after clearing the last one in my 40’s I vowed to not get a credit card again. The point I am trying to make is that I am impulsive by nature, and was easily influenced by the magical number that my credit card limit had grown to, and because of my motto ‘you only live once’, I happily kept spending. However, eventually sense came knocking at the door and my gut was telling me to knock the spending on the head, It wasn’t real money, it was just numbers and all I was really doing was accruing a debt that was just not sustainable in the long run.

It was like a pleasure and a pain at the same time. While spending I got a high and when the bank statement landed on the mat, the reality of the debt would hit me hard. I had to rein myself in.

Being a teen, it is very hard to rein yourself in. Your mind is not fully developed, you are still trying to find out who you are. you are changing continually and are full of angst and self esteem issues. Peers are our biggest influence and it is so easy to be swept up and lead by them.

Not all influence is bad or negative. For every negative there is a positive. Influence can be a very happy and positive experience. These days we can be influenced in many different ways by many different people, ideas and ideals. A teacher can be a great influence and inspiration for a pupil, whether young or old.

A tiktok influencer can influence someone to buy certain products, try certain foods, recommend books, holiday hot spots, sell up and travel the world, walk, write, exercise etc to improve mental health etc, etc, etc, the list goes on.

However, I think, it is the internal, intrinsic, innate part of us that will ultimately determine what we do with anything that influences us, how far we will let it lead us, and at what cost. For everything we do, no matter what age, there is a price to pay.

Meant to be or not meant to be…that is the question?

I fluctuate between what I believe when it comes to the question “do you believe in fate/destiny”.

When I was younger I think I believed we were put here for a reason, and it was up to us to discover what the reason was and wherever we ended up, would be the answer, would be our fate, our destiny.

For example, having a certain plan for the day, and the day goes completely astray and looks nothing like how it was supposed to look, but by the end of the day, wherever and whatever has occurred, was meant to be. A lesson to be learned, or a new path laid out to show us the way.

The Robert Frost poem, ‘The road not taken’, has been interpreted by many and thought to be a metaphor to generalise life. However, perhaps he wrote it just because he came to a fork in the road and thought, “Hmmm, I wonder if I go down this road, where it will lead”. A road of discovery, of now knowing where it lead, and that is that.

The many trials and tribulations of life can drive us to the depths of despair or the heights of euphoria. From them, we learn a lot, usually about ourselves and how we responded to them. Highs can become like a drug and we seek it more and more and it can be addictive. Whereas lows, can bring us down, make us avoidant, or we may retreat, hibernate for a while.

Which ever scenario it is, we respond. So is the response a matter of fate or a matter of fact?

Is the drug of the high, whether it’s in a successful capacity or a damaging capacity, where our fate, our destiny, lies?

Are some people fated to be successful and rich because the universe says so, or is it because they are driven and worked hard? Is is because of their passion, their desire, their innate determination and tenacity? Billions of people work hard every day, but are not rich and may feel they are not successful.

Does the universe decide, well this is your fate because of the set of circumstances they are in. Perhaps they didn’t have the same opportunity as others, but none the less, work just as hard. Perhaps they are born in a poorer country that measures success in a different way to other countries.

Likewise if their drug, is literally a class A drug, or alcohol dependency, or gambling addiction, or sex addiction etc etc does that mean they are here, because that is their destiny, that is their fate?

As for the lows, the knocks, the blows that we inevitably have to accept as part of life, because that is life, it can harden people, it can soften people, it can open the minds of people, it can close the minds of people, because people have their own unique code and personality. They have their own internal set of skills to navigate and deal with life. Their own resilliences and coping mechanisms. So is that fate or personality?

Along this journey, we interact with people and places. Circumstances change and we have to adapt. Is this fate? Is this where we were meant to be in the first place, is this trial or tribulation a necessary thing to take us to this place? to this person? Perhaps. There is no knowing, is there?

I think it is a romantic notion. People often think of their relationships when they think of fate or destiny. We can make up answers to everything. We just have to speak it. Convince ourselves. Convince others. Influence others and believe that yes, it is fate.

Or, we can sit back and think i’m here because this is where I am choosing to be. On the journey, we meet people by chance. They may become an acquaintance, they may become a lot more than that, but we met them by chance. After that chance meeting, we make a choice as to what kind of relationship it will be.

We take a step in the dark sometimes, a leap of faith and hope for the best. Hope is just hope, it’s a desire, an expectation, something internal. The desire and expectation may be realised, or not. So does that mean it is down to fate or destiny? There is no way of categorically answering that question.

All we have is our own belief, our own opinion, and that is fine, we are entitled to have our beliefs and our opinions.

I have used that word before. I have had good and bad relationships. I have moved from house to house, country to country. I have met people by chance and chose to keep some close to me. I have learned a lot about myself along the way. My journey is not over. I can make connections of certain coincidences and say ‘it is fate’ and at that time I believe it to be so, but that doesn’t mean, it is the final destiny, because it can change.

There is one thing for sure and that it everything is certain to keep changing and that is all of our destiny’s.

Daily writing prompt

Do you believe in fate/destiny?

View all responses

Traditions

victims of circumstance, born by chance into the family, the county, the colour, the culture, the life that we live. Promises, rituals, beliefs are not, necessarily, set in stone….

Traditions….

Traditions of times gone by

Propelled to a future unknown

Baptism, communion, 21^st, marriage

Symbols of becoming

An admission to a way of life

a cleansing of the past from where we came

a reminder of greatness, responsibility, hope

a journey to follow and participate

in the future that, has now arrived

the landscape unrecognisable

from when the tradition had been set

yet, here we are accepting, expecting, ritualising

and deciding which part of the responsibility and hope

we will participate in

and which we will discard….