Not really retired but not working either…i am in limbo land…
When I decided to leave my very cushy job in August, I had no real concrete plan and I still dont.
I have a sketch, an outline of a plan and the details will be filled in on an ‘as and when’ basis.
So what brought me here to limbo land? Boredom? Itchy feet? Complacency?…well all of them.
Someone I worked with years ago told me I was an idealist…I disagreed and said I was a realist.
At the time I was working in a residential unit for ‘children out of control’, children with very anti social behaviours. Children, who for the most part, had suffered neglect of the highest order, abuse and significant trauma. And so, invariably in many cases, follows anti social behaviour.
Who is to blame? Who needs help? Who needs guidance? Who regulates those that are displaying ‘negative behaviours’? Whom are the victims?
Anyway, this colleague and I had a difference of opinion on what was best for a particular child.
He had only one very small child at home. I had 4 and another who lived in her own place with her partner and child.
Over the years I had also fostered many children of varying ages, behaviours, abilities and timeframes so I believe, I was/am, an experienced parent /care giver with a good understanding of diverse behaviours.
We were working in the caring professions but were at very different junctions in our personal lives and perhaps different outlooks but we were both there to care, give care and understand how to care for their individual needs.
Fast forward to now, some 13 years after being told I was an ‘idealist’, having raised all of my children, mourned the loss of significant loved ones, I decided a cushy job, nice house with all the creature comforts is great, but was it enough. Did it fulfill me? What did I crave?
Did I crave ‘care’? ‘self care’? More experiences in my own time. More opportunites. More potential. More life?
I was in a very fortunate position to buy a small house in spain as a ‘holiday home’ last year.
So this year I decided to come here, for longer than my ‘days off’ allowed, to do nothing. Nothing but self care, looking after myself. Doing something or doing nothing.
Usually I like to be ‘on the go’ always doing something, but now, inbetween days where I am painting, furnitue etc in my home, I sometimes do nothing. Absolutely nothing!
I sit, I read, I go for a stroll. I go for a cafe con leche (coffee with milk) or a tinto de verano served with complimentary tapas, and I listen. I listen to the spanish babble that I do not yet understand…or perhaps a poco, (a little).
It’s then that I realised that doing nothing IS absolutely doing something. And in this life, whether it is a drastic move, a day off, a short break or a complete change in circumstances, there is an opportunity where doing nothing is actually doing something, so make the something bring an opportunity to learn.
Learn to care for yourself, learn to observe, learn a new skill, a new language, a new culture, to just ‘be’ with your thoughts, without guilt, learn to be bored and soak it up, because often in the boredom a new plan is hatched, albeit sketchy !
I think an idealist would say, ‘in an ideal world I would do……, it would look like ……’
A realist would say ‘I’ve done……./am doing this…..’
Hasta luego y bien dia 😊
