Category: thoughts

Lanjaron….Land of springs

“Green, how I love you. Green Green wind. Green Branches, boat on the sea and the horse on the mountain. On the face of the cistern, the gypsy woman rocked. Green Flesh, green hair , with eyes of cold silver. An icicle from one of them holds her over the water. Green how I love you, green wind. Green branches. Can’t you see the wound I have from my chest to my throat? let me climb at least to the high railings and let me climb. Let me reach the green railings. Railing of the moon where the water rumbles” Frederica Garcia Lorca

This is a direct translation from the Spanish writing on the fountain. Like many other fountains, dotted around Lanjaron, situated at the foothills of the Alpujarra mountains in the Granada province, they all have inscriptions from Frederica Garcia Lorca, famous Spanish poet and playwright.

It is no wonder when I first visited this quaint little town, that I felt quite at home. It had a nice quiet yet welcoming atmosphere. Typically Spanish and surrounded by the most magnificent breath taking mountains.

As we drove down the centre of the narrow town, eyeing the pretty balconies, adorned with plants and colourful flowers I watched carefully, the people slowly going about their day. Some sitting on benches, chatting. Others watching the world go by, and the ladies inside the grocery shop, baskets hanging in the crook of their elbows, ready to carry their fresh produce home. I knew then, before I even looked at the house, which I was there to view, that I would buy it.

A town steeped in history and deriving from pre-roman and significant moorish settlements, this town has survived and thrived and is known as the gateway to the Alpujarras.

As you leave the motorway and head up the winding road the 12 minute journey to the town is truly remarkable. As you pass under the modern metal bridge, on the first stretch of the road, an ancient bridge, hidden below, known as Peunte de Tablate, used in yesteryear in the many battles which occurred in this region.

A whitewashed church sits to the side of the bridge as the ravine unfolds this ancient structure.

Modern day and bygone days bridges sharing space and time side by side, but if the mountains could talk, the stories they could tell!

Further up and past Lanjaron, some 45 minutes takes you to a pretty little town called Capileira. This is the highest village in which cars can travel and its elevation is some 1,436 m. A great town to base if hiking is your thing.

Even the beautiful flowers love this little tourist town. A red heart climbs the wall as it reaches for the stars.

Pampaneira, below Bubion and Capileira is another pretty and quite a bustling town on the way back down toward Orgiva and ultimatley home, to Lanjaron. The spring waters running through the middle of the town, the musicality of its trickle, soothing. The scent of the jasmine, honeysuckle and the showstopping vibrant colour of the bourgainvillea are abundant as you meander the streets of this town. The geraniums line white washed streets in terracotta pots and immediately make you smile. The church in the plaza towering over the restaurants and street vendors is a site to behold and a santury, not only for prayer, but for shade and cooling down from the intense heat.

A nice way to spend the day and discovering the part of the Alpajarras, taking a slow drive up, up, up the mountain. Tasting the local cuisine. Having a cold beer or a cold glass of water and drinking in the scenery, the scents, the history and remind yourself, how very lucky you are to discover such a beautiful place, and even, for a short while, call it ‘home’.

Fizzing

There’s something bubbling inside, fizzing, stirring up and making my feet itchy

Here I go again, wondering, wandering in my mind the options, concocting plans, ideas for the ‘what next’

Changes. Changes are a coming, I can feel it. I can’t sit still.

I have a nice life. A good life and I am grateful, but

There is more. More to see. More to do. More to explore and discover

about the world, about other people, about me

I want to be free

Free to do the things I want to do

I want to create

I want to transform

I want to fly

I want to see

I want to give it a shot and see how it goes

The only thing we are ever certain of is that nothing stays the same

and we adapt

I have adapted many times

I have overcome, lived, loved, lost, triumphed, thrived, survived

I have a hunger for change

It keeps me on my toes

I am a rolling stone

It keeps me active

it keeps me inspired

It keeps me satisfied

It keeps me…….. young, at heart!

Greet…

Even when its not good, or happy, necessarily, we still smile and greet eachother this way……

Authors own..lough Rynn

Good morning

Good night

Good day

Goodbye

Happy go lucky

Happy ever after…….

What a disaster we think we can master

Affairs of the heart

Before the day starts

With a sentence beginning with ‘good’

When such an expression can leave an impression, misguided or misunderstood

No matter the greetings

They merely are fleeting

Neither happy nor good nor true

But still we insist that to greet one like this

Is the right and polite thing to do

When morning has broken

And sadness has spoken 

At leaving the night  all alone

It can feel quite lonely

Cos the night could be the only true comfort the morning had known

Goodbye’s can be painful 

And even disdainful 

The parting can be such a wrench

So the ‘good’ needs some context 

Cos it can be quite complex 

Thus,  maybe it’s time to reflect…..

Who are you?

Who are you, do you know. How many versions of you are there?

Photo by Ben Mack on Pexels.com

‘Born free, as free as the wind blows, as free as the grass grows, born free to follow your heart…...’ (song by Matt Monro)

I heard this song today for the first time in years. I used to watch the series, when I was a little girl. It was about an American couple living in Kenya who adopted a lioness called Elsa, and they basically protect her and other animals.

What occurred to me today was that, we are not really ‘born free’. Born innocent, yes, born pure yes, born without any pre-conceived ideas – tabula rasa, perhaps.

Unlike animals, who from birth, can basically stand on their own two feet and only seek their mothers aid for nourishment and sustenance, us humans depend on our mothers/caregivers for much more, in order to survive.

Over the weeks, months and years we are steered, guided, nurtured. We are told what to do, how to do it, when to do it. We are socialized. Taught how to conform, to abide by rules and regulations. We are born into a culture that will dictate our beliefs from early on. Born into a country that will dictate our language. Born into a family that will dictate our social status, initially. We can of course veer off that path and either rise above, spiral down or remain the same.

We become what we have assimilated over the years from all of our interactions, with all of our relationships, all of our roles, role models, and all of our experiences. Mix that with our own unique personality, our strengths, our weaknesses, our beliefs, our idiosyncratic ways and we become ‘someone’.

However, do we remain that someone? or can we morph into ‘one’ ‘me-one’. Do we, as we get older change our ways, change our beliefs, do our strengths ever become our weakness and our weakness become our strength? Do our roles define us. We all have more than one role. We do not merely exist in isolation.

Are we free to change? To shake off all that we believed to be true and real. Is it OK to challenge ourselves and evolve into someone else. Same face, same body, but different mindset.

Do we owe it to ourselves to shed one skin and welcome another? Should we feel bad if we choose ‘me’ exclusively, regardless of our threads and ties to anyone else and their expectation of us? Their view of us? Their idea of who we should be?

Is there a certain time in life when we can do this, or do we just dream of doing this? Should we encourage this and bid ‘adieu’ to our old self and our old set of hand me down beliefs, morals and expectations and welcome in who we are about to become.

Many times over our lifetime, I believe, we re-invent ourselves, one way or another, question ourselves, change our minds, our opinions, our expectations and standards. What seemed important once, becomes insignificant at another time. Dancing to someone else’s tune can become laborious, wearing, and grind us down.

How many of us wish to metamorphose, like the caterpillar and fly like the butterfly and be free? Live in the moment, no demands, no expectations, wipe the slate clean and start again, with fresh eyes. Unlearn everything and relearn at our own pace, dance to our own tune, assimilate our own beliefs and step into the world a new version, whether upgraded or downgraded. Above all, true to you.

Of course, this usually comes with age. Usually when we have less time in front of us than behind us. In our quest of searching for meaning, and seeking approval, we often lose ourselves, in the everyday mundane conformity of what is expected, and we deliver.

Sometimes, though, the delivery guy, not only needs a break, but needs to change course and break free…….

Photo by Pavel Danilyuk on Pexels.com

International Women’s Day

Are we Idealists or realists? We are women, we are fighters and survivors. If we have support each other and stand together, we can achieve anything!

Photo – authors own – A house of women…. Supporting & advocating for one another……

How do we empower. How do we motivate. How do we succeed in being equal?

We first of all must observe. Then we must teach, then we must learn. Women can learn from other women not just from the inequality from men.

The teaching, observing and learning must start in the home. If we have great mentors, advocates, ambassadors within the home, to build us up, make us strong, motivate us, be a role model for us, then we are off to a good start.

Even if, in the home, we see something we do not like, do not agree with, think is not right, we must learn from it,challenge it and take that ‘education’ of it outside of the home.

Take our knowledge, our beliefs our motivations, our voice and strength with us, into the world, and use it as our toolkit. We can keep adding to the toolkit, each time we feel inequality and injustice, is staring us in the face. We must reach into our bag of tools, stare right back at inequality and challenge it.

Seek out like minded people. Seek out your tribe. Help each other out. Build each other up and most of all, be there in the wings, having each others back whenever we get knocked down. Then get up again, build again, stand firm again.

The only way to succeed at anything, is to keep on trying.

From the oldest to the youngest and the youngest to the oldest a flow of ideas, ideals, experiences  and perspectives will surface. From female to female, female to male and male to female, there will of course be differences of opinion, power struggles, ideas and idealism. However, the key to be heard, is not power, but persuasion, respect, open mindedness and fairness. It is only then, that we strive for parity.

Happy International women’s day…keep on going… 

Every Picture…..

When does the virtual world cross paths with our real world,? I think, more often than we care to think.

At my mother’s house, I came across some old photos, of me, my brothers, mum, dad and many other family members.

As I flicked through them, it brought back so many memories. Good ones, sad ones, fun ones and cringe ones and plenty in between.

It occurred to me though, as I looked at some of the old ones of me, and some of the most recent ones, that my smile was not reflective of how I was actually feeling at the time that the snap was taken.

In the world of social media which we now live in, we often give out about people living in a virtual reality, only posting positive photos, lifestyles etc. I am one of those people.

I post my life on social media…… well, in the main, the perception of my positive life. I mainly post my photos because I once had my camera stolen with 5 weeks worth of holiday snaps on it, of my children and I. I was heartbroken, so from then on, I upload to facebook, to preserve the moment!

The thing is, we are all probably guilty of living or portraying a virtual reality ,pre and post social media.

In the collage of me above, at different ages and stages of my life, my smile seems almost the same giving the impression that I am happy, yet my reality of when some of the pictures were taken, couldn’t be further from the truth.

There was loss, significant loss in some of the photo’s, a miscarriage, a marital separation and the most recent being taken 11 days after my mother died.

Every day we go about our business, we smile and we say we are ‘doing fine’. For the most part I know I can pretend that I am fine for my ‘outside face’ but that is because it is important to have a break from it, from the sadness, the pain, hurt, grief or whatever it is that makes us ‘not fine’. We need distraction…well I do. That is how I cope.

I allow all my feelings to live in me, sometimes they consume me, they niggle at me, and I push them back and sometimes I let them break free. I do not or try not to let them define me, because each day, they are different, more intense, less intense, more manageable, more tolerable, less tolerable etc and as the days, weeks and months pass, we learn to live with our pain, our loss, our hurt and our wounds.

It is important to feel all the emotions, just as it is important to try to escape them, be distracted from them, and talk about them, even when we think we can’t, and when we can’t talk, we need to find a place, a person a friend, who we can trust enough, love enough, that we can sit in our silence or our turbulence and they will allow us to just sit…. and sit with us.

So, yes every picture really does tell a story, but it is really only the subject person, in the picture, that knows the whole story….. the rest is just a virtual reality.

“One can be the master of what one does, but never of what one feels”

Gustave Flaubert

Love is a choice….. right?

Its easy to love when all is going smoothly. When expectation is met with desired result…but when things get rough, love can be tested and then love becomes a choice……

Photo by Ylanite Koppens on Pexels.com

The answer to the old question…. what is love….?

Love is many a splendid thing…. Love is that first flutter in your belly when you see someone you like, whether you are 7 or 70.

Love is cradling your baby for the first time, not knowing, really, if you will do a good enough job at being it’s mother,/father, but you do your best anyway.

love is being so tired and sleep deprived that you still put your child’s needs before yours.

love is hating your child’s tantrums and behaviours, especially when they are teenagers, but still having their back and mopping up the mess.

Love is putting on your best dress and perfume, or best shirt and after shave and being on time and showing up for him/her.

Love is being so consumed with their wants and needs, you put yours on the back burner.

Love is allowing someone to say how they feel and not trying to negate or trivialize what they are saying.

love is putting yourself in their shoes.

love is patience, and patient.

love isn’t stagnant

love is holding yourself together, even when you are falling apart, and doing for others.

love is standing back, so someone more in need, can go first.

love is taking a minute to decide if your want/need can wait.

love is praying for loved ones and praying for strength to help you through difficult times.

love is letting go.

love is forgiveness.

love is a choice

love is learning to swallow down hurtful words and not allow it to penetrate.

love is picking yourself up, dusting yourself down and taking one step at a time.

Love is not always patient, not always kind and love is sometimes arrogant and rude and hurtful

because love comes in many disguises, depending of how safe love feels in the hands of the beholder and how wounded or lost the injured are

love endures, love lingers and love is not easily broken…….because love, is a choice…….

Love is both delightful and a curse, but love is love, and love is what drives our soul, our essence, our purpose.

When all else fail….. chose love.

Nerves of Steel

How many things can a woman be? How many things can a woman endure?
how many things can a woman do?
A woman is not a thing, she is mighty…..

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

What is a woman, what are her needs

Certainly not scrubbing down on her knees

She is flesh and bone, body and soul

A mind full of ideas, working on  goals

She flicks with her hips

And stretches her view

Sees what’s inside and outside of you

She arches her back, and senses her breasts

Are taking your focus and all the rest

She’s courage and wisdom rolled into one

She’ll keep on surviving, long after you’ve gone

She’s gentle and kind, but her will is so strong

Do not be fooled, don’t get it wrong

She is not so weak as a delicate flower

Her scent is like nectar you want to devour

She gives what she can, again and again

Endurance, resistance to insatiable pain

Up she will rise with her nerves of steel

You can’t take away what you think she should feel

She’s sexy, she’s confident, she’s a sexual being

Make sure you are ready, if not, get fleeing

She’ll look for a man that can handle her will

Tell me now sir, do you fit the bill?

Wisdom…..

What do you think gets better with age?

Some are born with more than others, but I feel, as we age we grow more wise.

A poem I wrote a while back for young girls/women is, I think, an example of wisdom.

This Body…

Don’t be fooled by this body
so slim and so lean
Caressing the contours
Having boys wet dreams
These arms are so strong
Though feeble they look
And the breasts are more
Worthy, than for you just to suck
These legs are so shapely, smooth and long
But will only be open for who I say, belong

Do not assume that it’s yours for the taking
This body of mine, took years in the making
It stretched and it grew, filled out and amazed
the strength that it carried in the blood and the veins
This body of mine one day will grow old
The breasts you desire will sag I am told
The legs long and shapely, may fill more with fat
I cannot be fairer or clearer than that

So do not be fooled by this body of mine
Instead you must love what is there in my mind
For there you will find the truth, I confess
The sexy, the funny, the intelligent prowess
My mind is the thing you must first desire
For my body will only, set yours on fire
And too, one day yours will fail to perform
So for me I make sure, it is you I adore
The body is nothing but bones and mere flesh
But the mind you see is where we become enmeshed
A wondrous source of beauty and wit
It’s here where the fire of desire should be lit
For it will grow sharper and lead us the way
To a future together in all that we say
The body of course, will bring pleasure and joy
But do not be fooled or distracted, dear boy
If you’re up for the challenge, then of course let’s begin
Soon we will know which one shall win
The pressure is on, you must decide
But do not no fear, there is no place to hide

©️ Caroline S. T